Remember 'You Can't Do That On Television'?

I promise - this is the last 'Jamie Lynn Spears is Pregnant' related post I will do.

From Breitbart.com:

NEW YORK (AP) - Nickelodeon is considering a special for its young audience about sex and love following the news that 16-year-old "Zoey 101" star Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.

So back in the day, I used to watch Nickelodeon all the friggin' time. I loved You Can't Do That on Television - the slime, the water, Barf's; Out of Control with a pre-Full House Dave Coulier; it was all classic stuff. Now I know that as I get older, the cartoons and shows for kids are going to get increasingly strange and make less sense to me. I still don't understand the fascination with Sponge Bob, and the Pokemon thing will continue to baffle me.

Anyway, not once do I remember Nickelodeon airing a 'very special' You Can't Do That on Television to explain the birds and bees to me. Is this a case of parents farming out the more uncomfortable parts of parenting to TV? Why does Nickelodeon feel it needs to step in here and solve the teen pregnancy problem in America? More importantly, do they really think it's going to make a difference?

Topics in the possible 'very special' episode of Zoey 101 include things like how do people know they're in love and when is the right time to have sex. I'm going to say it again - the two leading causes of teenage pregnancy are stupidity and raging teenage hormones. A lecture on love and perfect timing for sex is not going to overcome the powerful combination of stupidity and hormones. Nope. To effectively combat that lethal combination, you have to use fear, and lots of it.

For example, when I was a sophomore in high school, we watched The Miracle of Life in biology class. It wasn't for sex ed, but damn did that video do the job. For those of you who have not seen this little gem of documentary fun, at the end, you get to witness a birth...from the business end of things. Every single girl in that class was overcome with the fear of pain of childbirth. For 3 months after that, the most action us boys could get was some hand holding, and if we were really, really lucky, one kiss goodnight.

So, Nickelodeon should do one of two things - either scrap the idea of a very special episode altogether, or go with the fear tactic. And since today's teenagers are obviously desensitized, they'll have to up the ante. Take them to a hospital and witness the real McCoy. And for good measure, throw in some graphic STD pictures.