Craigslist Wanted Post: Spencer Pratt Ass-Whooping Tape

I take no pride in knowing who Spencer Pratt is. In fact, I find it quite embarrassing that not only do I know his name, I know way more about his life than I ever cared to know. I blame my wife for this, and yes, we are seeking counseling for it.

Anyway, now that Spencer and his idiocy have penetrated my consciousness, I've decided that the next big thing for celebrities to do is have an ass-whooping tape. And, naturally, I've designated Spencer as the inaugural celebrity.

You see, the sex tape thing is old. In fact, it's become an automatic assumption in the American mind that if you have been on TV or even know someone famous, you have a sex tape. No more will anyone in America be surprised at celebrity sex tape. You can thank Vern Troyer for killing that one.

So, to replace the steroid affects of the sex tape (it's been proven to promote C and D list celebrities up to B or even A list), I propose videos of celebrities getting the snot beat out of them, and who better to start it than Spencer? Right - no one.

Legally, I can't say that I will pay money to see someone kick Spencer's ass, but let's just say that your good deed will not go unnoticed. I may even be able to get you eternal consciousness on your death bed.

And yes, I did post this on Craigslist.

Who in the Hell Buys This Crap?

I'll preface this by admitting that I am not a father, and, therefore, do not know all that goes into caring and raising a baby in today's world. However, I do have extensive baby sitting experience, and my wife and I are the ONLY couple in our immediate circle of friends without a baby / child, so I feel comfortable saying I am familiar, at least, with the basics of modern childcare.

Still, I'm amazed at the sort of gadgets one receives when expecting. Furthermore, I would be seriously pressed to assemble and properly work said gadgets. I once saw all the pieces of a breast pump, and I thought we were getting ready to perform triple bypass surgery. Those handy car seats that also fit into strollers and 13 other mounts? I couldn't even properly strap the kid in.

Despite the complexity, I can usually determine the usefulness of it - even the diaper genie, which is nothing more than a glorified trash can with a couple extra springs - serves a purpose. Nobody likes their room to smell like a used diaper.

And then you have this: a baby wipes warmer. I would not know of this ridiculous piece of plastic had my brother Sean and his wife Christie (who are expecting) not told me of it. I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of "if I didn't have it growing up, then neither should anyone else." For whatever reason, the child care industry in the late 1970's hadn't thought of warming baby wipes. Thus, I was subjected to endless torture sessions when a cold baby wipe would be applied to my nether region. The horror....

Of course, the argument could be made that a big reason why I am so surly and sarcastic today is because my parents neglected to warm the baby wipes to a pleasing temperature prior to cleaning me up. And why would anyone willingly unleash someone like me on an otherwise unsuspecting population?

As always, I digress. I'm going to lump this product in with the absolutely useless likes of presciption mood stabilizers for pets (and pet psychology for that matter). It's also a sign of our country's success when people are paid to come up with crap like this instead of worrying whether or not the re-elected President is going to steal your farm and give it to poor people.

WTF?

In honor of the state of North Carolina offering a recall on license plates that begin with the letters "WTF", I bring you this lovely story from the Fatherland:

From Reuters.com:

BERLIN (Reuters) A woman trying to make "manure bombs" using stockings, slipped into a slurry tank and fled the scene naked, German police said Friday.

The story doesn't go into why the woman and her accomplice were attempting to make manure bombs, but the popular theory is that it had something to do with Germany winning a soccer game.

As for fleeing the scene naked - well, what's more embarrassing - being drenched in cow manure or being naked? It's a tough choice.

Have a great weekend. We'll see you on Monday.

How I Love Thee, How It's Made

Last week, I updated my status on Facebook to: "Bobby is watching How It's Made. What is wrong him?"* You see, I love watching How It's Made. I will most likely never use the vast majority of the products featured on this wonderful program, but that doesn't stop me from turning it on virtually every night to see how those kooky Canadians make stuff.**

In response to my status, faithful D&F-er John B. offered this insight:

So, here's the thing about "How's it Made." It's a very dry show and bores the tears out of all wives....everyone of them. Sends them running for them there hills. That's why its a great show. Oh, and there's just something about knowing exactly how to make foil (just in case you need to make some for yourself out in the wild).

You might need to read that again to really appreciate the universal truthfulness of the statement. Katie absolutely despises "How It's Made." She will be sitting comfortably in our living room, reading a book or whatever it is she does while trying to ignore me. I will be flipping channels and find my beloved HIM***, and Katie will promptly leave the room and start cooking dinner / cleaning / laundry. She hates doing laundry, so she must really hate HIM.

Of course, John B's insight begs the question - why do women hate HIM so much? Using my wife as a model for the entire female population (which is a totally acceptable assumption), I've come to the conclusion that women are hard wired to like all things silly, nonsensical, and idiotic. And conversely, they dislike any television programming that is useful.

For example, Katie LOVES shows like The Hills, The Real World, anything on Bravo!, and pretty much any award show no matter how B-list****. Basically, if it involves vapid retards running around overreacting to otherwise mundane problems, Katie deems it good television. I, on the other hand, believe watching such crap actually makes you dumber. And as I've already said, she hates the educational TV (regardless of the subject matter).

Thanks to John B. for decoding that little piece of the Universe. Since learning of this truth, I have programmed the DVR to keep at least 2 episodes of HIM recorded at all times. This way, I can guarantee myself 45 minutes of Katie-free time whenever I want. Brilliant!

* - Proper Facebook etiquette demands that one always refers to himself / herself in the third person when updating one's status.

** - If you pay close enough attention, you'll notice that some of the products are labeled in French, and very few of the name brands are American. Thus, I deduced that How It's Made features crazy Canucks.

*** - Totally not gay acronym

**** - Naturally, this includes the two weeks of pre show coverage on E! and all the gay men grouping big breasts you can handle.

Friday Video Post on Thursday!

Because this is so friggin' funny, I decided to post it today. WARNING - There is some adult language, so if you're at work, use the headphones.

Please to enjoy:


Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

Shocking Headline of the Day

From the AP's My Way News:

Barack Obama buzz sweeps through the BET Awards

Why is this news? Is there one, single person out there who thought that the people attending the BET Awards or even the people watching the BET Awards would be supporting John McCain?

Perhaps even less shocking is P. Diddy modifying his idiotic mantra of "Vote or Die" to "Obama or Die." Why hasn't some college given P. Diddy an honorary doctorate in political science yet? Dr. Diddy - I like the sound of it.

There was one thing that did catch me by surprise - BET stopped showing infomercials long enough to actually air the award ceremony.

Judge: Duke Football Is The Worst Team....EVER!

Every college football program out there tries to schedule a couple gimme games each year. The football program at Duke has been an AD favorite for years and years. Not only does it give more quality win points than a victory against a D-II team, but the typical jock loves the notion of beating up the smart rich kids that go to Duke.

And that's what the University of Louisville thought they had. UL had signed a contract with Duke to play four times between 2002 and 2009 - the first game was played in Durham in 2003 (the Cardinals destroyed the Blue Devils 40-3), and the final 3 games were scheduled for the 2007, 2008, and 2009 seasons. However, after being effectively emasculated at home, Duke decided it was tired of being a whipping boy and backed out of the contract.

Louisville, not wanting to give up such an easy opponent, sued for breach of contract. A Kentucky judge ruled in favor of Duke, sighting the fact that the Duke Blue Devil football club is the worst team in the history of football.

According to the contract, in the event of Duke's withdrawal, they would be responsible for finding a "team of similar stature" or face a $150,000 per game penalty - that's a total of $450,000 for those of you playing at home. Duke's lawyers argued that Duke is so bad that in order to find a "team of similar stature", the NCAA would have to allow a local Pop Warner football team to play Louisville. Obviously, this raises significant concerns for the safety of the 10-12 year olds that would be playing the Cardinals. The judge, not wanting to be responsible for the mass paralyzing of an entire little league football team, ruled that any other college team would do instead.

Do you think this is legal equivalent of the "Good Sportsmanship Award" little kids get when they're on the worst team in the league? The judge obviously feels for the Blue Devils and their horrible 6-45 record over the past 5 years. I'm going to have to agree with him. Losing 40-3 at home is flat out embarrassing. Add that to Duke's record of 13-90 since 1999, and it's a wonder that the Duke players could even muster the spirit to put on the uniform each Saturday.

Oh well. Duke has themselves a new coach - David Cutcliffe of Ole Miss and Tennessee fame. So maybe they can get 2 wins this year - they beat Northwestern for their only win last year, FYI.

Guess What I Couldn't Care Less About

Remember when a strike used to mean something? Workers would join together and sacrifice their wages and livelihood to improve their working conditions - things like machines that don't explode every 5 minutes, workers compensation for being injured on the job, not having to work for next to nothing - benefits that most of us take for granted today. Around the turn of the 20th century, these strikes would often result in riots and deaths.

Today, more of then than not, the strike is being used by people / groups that really have no business in striking. Auto workers, for some reason, believe they're entitled to a pension on par with someone who has spent their life defending this country or serving the public. Professional athletes feel that getting paid a minimum of 6 figures to play a game is totally unfair. I have no idea what a typical television and movie writer makes, but I'm fairly confident that their working conditions are considerably better than a meat packer's in early 20th Century Chicago.

Now, the Screen Actor's Guild is jumping on the "Let's strike" bandwagon. Surprisingly enough, they want some of that Internet money...because making millions of dollars to play make believe simply isn't getting the ends to meet.

One of the aims of a strike is to build sympathy in the public eye by making a sacrifice - going without pay until your demands are met. For a blue collar worker in 1912, not getting paid is a big deal. If George Clooney has to fore go the navigation system and custom rims on his new Escalade because of a strike, I'm really not going to feel that bad for him.

If these jackasses do strike, at least it's in the middle of the summer, and there's still the possibility that the actors will quit being little whiny babies by the time new episodes are to start in the fall. Maybe....

D&F Supports PETA*

I'm a big fan of steak. Actually, I'm a steak snob to the point where I pretty much refuse to go to a restaurant to eat steak unless it's a Ruths' Chris or Morton's type establishment. As a result, Katie and I actually go out for steak once or twice a year (when you add my steak snobbery with my enjoyment of wine and scotch, it's very easy to get on the better side of $200 for a really enjoyable dinner).

I'm fairly certain that my body would stop working if I only had steak once every six months, so over the past few years, I've strived to perfect cooking steaks at home. I'm pretty good on the gas grill and have since moved onto charcoal grilling (which gives the steak an awesome smokey flavor).

However, I have not been able to replicate the Morton's / Ruth's Chris broiler style - primarily due to the fact that I do not have a broiler capable of reaching 1500 degrees. That is, until my good brother Sean found a procedure for doing just that. Don't worry - reaching 1500 degrees is not required.

So, here's the recipe and technique.

And here's a video that demonstrates as well as provides some good background information.

Also, if you like you're steak cooked more than the rare side of medium, this technique probably isn't for you. The steaks we had the other night were, without question, the best steaks I had served. The method is quick, easy, and it provides an excellent meal.

*

AP Says Your Life Sucks; Suicide Viable Option

It must be a slow news day. Instead of doing actual journalism - you know, things like researching a story, getting the facts, writing a compelling piece to make sure the public is informed - the AP has opted to post a story (and I use that term VERY loosely) about how the world is coming to an end.

Yep, that's some responsible journalism right there. Let's not look at how Obama has either flip-flopped or changed his tune on virtually every campaign platform he has; don't even try to research whether or not drilling for oil on American soil is a viable option to the current oil crisis. Nope - the editors at the AP felt everyone in the world was a little too happy, and they took it upon themselves to knock us down a couple pegs.

I don't know if the picture will change, but when I first read the story, the headline "Everything is seemingly spinning out of control," was placed next to a picture of the hosts of The View. I don't think there's a better visual representation of the Apocalypse than the idiotic talking heads from The View. At least you got that part right, AP.

Maybe there should be some sort of rule at the AP about writing stories while crashing from the weekend binge. Oh well.

Seriously...Monday...Again????

These weekends are entirely too short. Plus, I spent most of the weekend working on the house. While it's actually enjoyable and somewhat relaxing to do this, it's still work which prevents me from doing my normal weekend activity of doing absolutely nothing (and drinking...No, I don't have a problem!). Of course, we're still a couple months away from football season, so it's not like there's anything on television anyway.

I'm trying to avoid as many political posts, but every now and then I hear something from someone in politics that reassures my faith in the democratic system; and I think it's worthy of passing on. Last week, Obama changed the Presidential Seal as a marketing gimmick, and he also did a preemptive "Republicans are being racist" attack.

In response, Lt. Colonel Alan West - who is running for Florida's 22nd district Congressional seat - had this to say about Obama's preemptive strike:

"My advice to Senator Obama is to run as a Man and Leader, and the American people will evaluate you as such, not as a victim. This is a Presidential race, based solely on a capacity to lead the United States of America. It is not about skin tone...however, perhaps we should come to expect these immature statements.

It also seems rather humorous that the Presidential candidate who was supposed to be such a "uniter" and transcend race is the one talking about it the most. If Senator Obama was confident in his abilities and character, he would not need to create a crutch for failure. Senator Obama has just tipped his hand, any criticism of him and his policies will be directly attributed to racism. I congratulate Senator Obama for taking race relations in America back some 30 years."

Lt. Col West - First off, thank you for your service. Second, I don't know anything about you or your campaign, but your statement indicates an intelligence and honesty in politics that is extremely rare. I hope your campaign follows suit. Good luck in the election.

Check out Lt. Colonel West's campaign website: Allen West for Congress.

I seriously hope to see more of this gentleman in the future of our country.

Need An Excuse for All That Porn?

From Foxnews.com:

Computer malware may have cost a former Massachusetts civil servant his job, his friends, his health insurance, his pension — and nearly his freedom.

Michael Fiola entered his own personal hell in March 2007 when his boss at the Massachusetts Department of Industrial Accidents told him that a large amount of pornography, including kiddie porn, had been found on his state-issued laptop — and that he was being fired immediately.

First off, this guy is an absolute genius. In case you didn't read the article, Michael blamed the ridiculous amount of porn found on his computer on a virus that magically uploaded porn onto his government issued computer without his knowledge.

Granted, his life got ruined in the process, but at least the Commonwealth of Massachusetts has officially said that he didn't upload that porn onto his computer. And that's what it's really about - finding a suitable scape goat / excuse for all the freaky things you look at on the Internet. I will definitely be using this excuse next time my boss catches me looking at anything not work related on my computer. Be careful though - this is a one time use only excuse. After that, you'll have to own up to what floats your boat.

And since we're all about education here at D&F - the new phrase of the day is Rule 34. Rule 34 states that pornogrpahy or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject. For more information on this universal truth, check out Urban Dictionary.

It's Friday, Bitches

I started out this week really upset. I was going to have to work 5 full days. What is up with that? Fortunately, I was able to disguise a road trip to see the wife out on the North Carolina coast as job site visits, and, thus, was able to turn 5 days of work into 3.1845 days of work.

And Man Alive, those almost 3.2 days of work really did me in. I am now counting down the minutes until happy hour. I know you are too.

So, in an effort to make happy hour enjoyable for everyone, I bring you a little lesson in happy hour etiquette. Faithful D&F-er B1 sent this over because like his son, he enjoys a cocktail or two at the end of a tough work week, but hates it when people with no taste in music ruin it with crappy jukebox selections.

Please to enjoy: 14 Songs You Should Never Play in a Bar.

FYI - Canada SUCKS!

Making fun of Canada is awesome. Their unofficial name is America Jr - they're like our little, kind of dim brother. Don't get me wrong - tons of great things have come out of Canada: hot chicks, decent beer, funny comedians - but when you venture outside the bounds of good looking women and hilarity, you're left with a bunch of crazy, drunk people who apparently really enjoy making legal decisions that make our judicial and tort systems seem like a Stalin-type KGB institution.

A couple weeks ago, Mark Steyn (we feature his columns every now and then) was on trial for offending a group of Muslims. For those of you not familiar with the case, Canada has a sort of human rights commission. Originally, this commission was supposed to ensure fair hiring practices for all Canadian citizens.

It has since turned into a kangaroo court where any minority can charge anyone else for offensive remarks. The comments in this case revolve around the idea that Western Europe is succumbing to Islamic imperialism by the influx of Muslim population. Never mind the fact that by bringing these ridiculous charges, the Muslims (in this case) are proving Mark Steyn right. If you think the PC movement in this country could never go that far, recall Geraldine Ferraro and how quickly she was bounced from the Clinton campaign for suggesting that race was a big part of why Obama secured the nomination.

The latest joke of a judicial decision comes from Canadian judge Suzzane Tessier. She ruled that a father's grounding of his 12-year old daughter for breaking house rules was entirely too severe. Naturally, Judge Suzzy reversed the decision and freed the little brat of the oppressive regime. For good measure, the judge also ordered the minor to immediately get drunk, have unprotected sex until she was pregnant, and then get an abortion (all covered by the state, naturally).

I give Canada no more than 2 years before they outlaw parents all together. Canadians will be able to have all the sex they want, but as soon as a baby manages not to get aborted and be born, it will become a ward of the state where absolutely no discipline or morals will be instilled, and no individual responsibility taken for anything beyond one's own breathing. The State will take care of everything else. At which point, they will have to change their name to France Jr.

Because Socialism Works, Dumbass

There should be some sort of test one has to take if he wants to be a civil servant - elected, career bureaucrat, whatever. The test should cover the basics of how government works and, more importantly, how simple economic and capitalist principles work.

The power that congress and, to some extent, the President wield over the economy is vast, so it's only logical that the people deciding how much to tax, spend, and waste our money at a very minimum understand the basics. Is that too much to ask? Doctors have to pass exams. Lawyers have to take a bar. What do elected officials have to do? Say things that me people feel good? Well, hell, let's elect every stripper and prostitute out there. They know how to make people feel good about wasting their money.

Yesterday, House Democrats held a little press conference where they made it perfectly clear that the solution to high gas prices was the socialization of oil refineries. For the political junkies out there, this really isn't a surprise. The last time the oil company executives were on the Hill for their quarterly tongue lashing, one brainiac congresswoman came out and said that she was ready to socialize the entire oil industry.

What's shocking about this latest press conference is the absolute ignorance these lawmakers demonstrate when it comes to how the oil industry operates. Rep. Maurice Hinchey made the brilliant statement that, "We (the government) should own the refineries. Then we can control how much gets out into the market."

Maurice seems to think that the oil companies are hoarding oil; that there is a stockpile sitting somewhere out there, and the oil companies are purposefully limiting supply to keep the price inflated. The only logical explanation for why Maurice believes this is that he does not know where oil comes from. And naturally, he and the rest of the Democrat Representatives at the press conference are steadfastly opposed to expanding drilling here in the states. Because as every college freshman knows, increased supply has no affect on price. Wait - that doesn't sound right...

The only socialized industry that functions effectively is the Postal Service, and they still have competition (FedEx, UPS, DHL, etc.). AMTRAK would have been out of business years ago if not for federal subsidies. Countries that adopted wholesale socialism (the Soviet Union, Cuba, most of western Europe) are either no longer existent or in serious trouble. Why would we want that?

I'm reminded of a great Ronald Reagan quote -"The scariest 9 words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.'"

WTF?

From WBZTV.com:

GLOUCESTER (WBZ) ― There's a stunning twist to the sudden rise in teen pregnancies at Gloucester High School. 17 students there are expecting and, according to a published report, most of them became that way on purpose. Time Magazine is reporting that nearly half of the girls confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. None of the girls is older than 16.

The Breakfast of Champions

Trying to get motivated for another fun-filled day at work? Me too. I did manage to get out of the office the past two days, so I'm feeling pretty confident I can make it through the end of the week without hurting anyone. That, and I finally perfected the coffee-whiskey-mood stabilizer cocktail that will keep everyone's volume to a low murmur while keeping me functional enough to perform the minimum amount of work required.

Here's some brain fodder to get your mind working this beautiful Thursday morning:

Obama and McCain Spout Economic Nonsense

Obama's Plan for Defeat

I'll be back later with a better post - just thought these were decent articles that - even if you don't agree with the opinions contained - will at least get you thinking about the multitude of issues that are involved with this election.

Al Gore Is A Moron

About a year ago, Al Gore's monthly energy costs were big news. Al and the Gore clan live in a swanky mansion outside Nashville, and according to the local utility companies, they use about 10 times as much electricity, water, and gas as a typical single family home. There's also the massive amount of carbon dioxide Al Gore emits flying in a private jet around the world, telling everyone that doing things like flying private jets is going to destroy the world next week.

Of course the global warming skeptics pointed to this hypocritical behavior and basically called Al a modern day snake oil salesman. Al's counter? He buys carbon offsets, in his eyes, his carbon footprint is non existent.

The theory behind carbon offsets is this - people who have large carbon footprints "buy" unused carbon emissions from people who are not using their allotted amount. This begs the question - who determines how much carbon one person is allowed? Great question. Does anyone know who determines this magical number? Wait - since carbon is so bad, wouldn't it be better if we just do less carbon emitting activities instead of buying imaginary offsets that really don't reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the first place?

Anyway - back to Al's mansion - shortly after the story broke last year, Al made a pledge to make his house more energy efficient - solar panels, compact fluorescent light bulbs, geothermal heat, etc. To his credit, he actually did install said items. And what good did it do? Ironically enough - about the same amount of good as buying a carbon offset. Instead of reducing the amount of energy used, Al's efforts to make his home greener resulted in a massive increase in energy use.

According to the Tennessee Center for Policy Research:

"Since taking steps to make his home more environmentally-friendly last June, Gore devours an average of 17,768 kWh per month –1,638 kWh more energy per month than before the renovations – at a cost of $16,533. By comparison, the average American household consumes 11,040 kWh in an entire year, according to the Energy Information Administration."

Just to put those numbers into perspective - Al Gore uses enough energy in one month to power over 200 typical American homes for a month. I bet Al keeps the AC pumping 24 hours a day too.

And in case you're wondering how Al can afford the $16,500 monthly energy bills, it's estimated that he has increased his wealth by about $100 million thanks to global warming speaking fees and investments that did very well thanks to global warming hysteria.

Idiot Abuses Legal System

Maybe that isn't the best headline? It's more a statement of fact / universal truth, and at the very least a headline should give the reader some insight into what the story holds beyond stating the obvious. Oh well. I'll work on that.

Anyway, D&F-er John B. alerted us to this latest complete and utter abuse of our tort system. Past instances include cases like "Hot cup of coffee v. moron," and "Fat, stupid people looking for someone to blame for their fatness other than themselves v. McDonald's" And yes, those are the actual cases titles. I looked it up.

According to The Smoking Gun, Haywood Rosales became glued to a Home Depot bathroom toilet after sitting on the aforementioned toilet. He's suing Home Depot and its insurer for $25,000 to cover the medical bills and, of course, the pain, suffering, and embarrassment that goes along with getting one's ass glued to a public toilet seat. That, naturally, begs the question - if it was so embarrassing to have your rear end attached to a toilet seat in the first place, why would you opt to relive the experience by filing public litigation papers?

Before Haywood tackles that question - I have one other, very important, question. Why, Mr. Rosales, did you not check the landing zone before taking care of business? I don't care who you are or where you come from. Everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) checks the toilet seat before they sit down. And I'm not talking about a cursory glance to make sure there's no evidence of the prior occupant's visit. I'm talking about a CSI-type examination for leftover fluids, solids, and if you have OCD, a UV-light examination. Surely, a wet super-glue type adhesive would be readily visible.

Of course, the possibility of an emergency situation must be addressed. Perhaps Mr. Rosales was having a rather "rough" GI day, and time did not permit the customary recon of designated landing zone. At first glance this may seem like a plausible explanation. But (no pun intended) it is not. When a sufficient recon cannot be conducted, the hover method is to be employed. In fact, the hover method should be employed if the seat appears clean but other circumstances would lead one to believe the area is contaminated.

So, in light of this information, D&F is going to have to call shenanigans on Mr. Rosales lawsuit. Next time, he would do well to remember the 6 R's of public bathroom use:

-Recon the designated area

-Remove necessary clothing

-Release (do I really need to finish this one)

-Rinse (again...)

-Recover (put removed clothing back on)

-Retreat from the premises

To The 14 People Who Live in Wyoming:

Back when William actually contributed to this blog, he signed up for a nifty little service from Google that will show how many hits the blog has had, what people are speanding time on, where they are, and a couple other things. It's intended to help buisness better tailor their websites to generate more traffic and ultimately revenue. William and I use it to see how many people are reading out mindless rants.

Anyway, we've managed to piss off the entire population of Wyoming (all 14 of them), and D&F is now being boycotted by the entire state. According to Google, no one from Wyoming has visited D&F in the past month. FYI, someone from every state in the Union (except Wyoming) has visited D&F in the past month.

I'm kind of surprised that it took this long for an organzied boycott to surface against Dink & Flika, but that's beside the point. The only other possible explanation is that the one Internet connection is down, and no one has reset the cable modem yet. Who knows?

To be on the safe side - D&F would like to officially apologize for whatever we said that offended the entire population of Wyoming. We really would appreciate your readership, and we are willing to do some articles of interest to Wyomingnites - the recent advances in dirt farming, what to think about this new fangled indoor plumbing, and how to deal with radioactive mutant mountain people.

Hope to hear from you soon, Wyoming!

Spoiler Alert / George Bush Hates Farmers

I'm having a hard time deciding what to blog about this morning. Here are the two choices: the catastrophic floods in Iowa or M. Night Shyamalan's latest way to make you waste 2 hours of your life - otherwise known as The Happening. You know what? We're going to do both. That's right - it's 2-fer Monday.

First off, if you have any interest in watching The Happening, stop reading now. If you have no interest in the movie or have already seen it - please join me in demanding M. Night Shyamalan give back the 2 hours of my life for that horrible, horrible movie.

Had I'd known it was a tree-hugger / we need to stop hurting the earth movie, I would have never agreed to go see it. I was hoping for some creepy aliens or government conspiracy. But no, instead I get Marky Mark telling me that trees and plants are pissed, and they somehow have the ability to release toxins that make people kill themselves. Here's the thing: the prevailing theory among nut-job environmentalists is that an excess of carbon dioxide is going to cause the end of the world. Plants breathe CO2. So why would they want to kill humans that are giving them life?

M. Night should do a little more research before his next movie. And Marky Mark as a science teacher? I was going to let the stupid trees killing humans idea fly, but when you try and make me believe Marky Mark is responsible for the education of our nation's youth? That's where "willing suspension of disbelief" quits working.

Onto the next topic - in case you missed the 27 second news coverage of the floods in Iowa (who can blame you? The various media outlets have had their plates full telling us all how awesome Tim Russert was*, and the second by second update of what sort of hopeful change Obama is peddling at that particular moment). The entire state of Iowa is under six feet of water. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but the flooding is pretty serious.

Levees have broken; there's hundreds of millions of dollars in damage; people are dead; entire towns have been destroyed. It's actually not too dissimilar from the sort of destruction we saw after Hurrican Katrina. And, in all honesty, the farmlands of Iowa and other affected areas are much more vital to this country's and other countries' food supply than the debauchery factory that is New Orleans (don't get me wrong - I've had my share of fun in the Crescent City, but Mardi Gras doesn't exactly feed third world countries).

So, here's what I'll be looking for from the media and celebrities in the very near future:

- A telethon with all the A-listers you can find. This telethon is to include popular songs re-written to illustrate the plight of the farmers; people who have never been to Iowa telling us how beautiful it is; and a prominent rapper saying George W. Bush doesn't care about white people (I checked the stats, Iowa is only 2.5% black, and I'm pretty sure the majority of that 2.5% was just driving through the state when the census was taken.)

- Everyone from the local garbage man up through the city, state, and national governments being blamed for not responding fast enough. Also, if all the TV show writers could work in some sort of quip about how ineffective the government was for the fall premieres, that would be great (It took the government 4 days to get water to the Superdome...)

- Louis Farakhan (or the white equivalent, if there is one) telling everyone he personally saw someone placing explosives at the levees (this goes back to W hating white people).

- And finally, Sean Penn, in a row boat, with a shotgun, surveying the death and destruction then getting on national TV and repeating that George Bush doesn't care about white people.

Don't worry. I'm not holding my breath.

* - D&F sends our condolonces to the Russert family, but it's not like the guy cured cancer or brought about world peace. It drives me crazy when a journalist dies because EVERYONE in the media acts like it's the first time someone has had a heart attack or whatever caused the death. I know, I'm a mean bastard.

Chicken Little Comes Home to Roost

Outside of reality shows, idiot celebrities, and the abduction and subsequent murder of white girls, there's not much else that will instantaneously transfix the population of this country (and most others for that matter) than a dire prediction about the future of our civilization.

We can see this phenomenon manifest itself in otherwise harmless mediums like movies and TV shows (I Am Legend, Armageddon, Soylent Green - the list goes on), or it can grow into something that shapes national and global economic policy (the Church of Global Warming, for example). Most modern religions have some sort of doomsday prophecy at their core, and every now and then an extremist sect gains national attention for their "the end is nigh" predictions.

The point is that pretty much since man organized into complex civilization, he has predicted the end of that civilization. Here's a quick list of the most recent instances of the end days:

- In the late 1960's and 1970's, many a scientist were absolutely certain that the human species would very shortly outgrow the natural resources of the Earth. Mass starvation, famine, riots, and other fun things would almost certainly end mankind's dominance of the planet. Paul Enrich wrote a book about it - The Population Bomb; and there were several computer models that backed up the doomsday scenario.

- Toward the end of the 70's, perhaps in response to the absolute silliness that was disco, the flavor of the day was global cooling. Another ice age was fast approaching, and unless immediate action was taken, mankind would meet its end.

- Global warming came about in the late 1980's, spread during the 90's, and today it's accepted as scientific fact by most people. For an excellent treatise on global warming, read this speech by Michael Crichton.

- Finally, there was the Y2K scare. Even yours truly was expecting a major societal breakdown when the clock struck 12:00 on January 1, 2000. But just like the multitude of religious apocalypse predictions, nothing happened. It was a New Years like every other.

ABC News must have felt that not enough people were concerned about the end of the world. As such, they have a special coming in September that ask the ominous questions, "Are we living in the last century of our civilization? Is it possible that all of our technology, knowledge and wealth cannot save us from ourselves? Could our society actually be heading towards collapse?"

Awesome. I love it when unproved theories are passed off as scientific fact. What's better is that they're asking regular people to submit videos of their fears and predictions based on their observations of the world. Talk about crack journalism - two hours of the people that say the tornado sounded like a big freight train are going to explain how to save the human civilization.

I'm actually kind of thankful that come September, I will be so wrapped up in law school homework that I won't have time to watch this special.

Time Flies When You Suck

With football season fast approaching, I feel it's appropriate to go ahead and start setting the mood. We here at D&F are huge Auburn fans, and since we're not professional journalists, I don't feel the need to try and be objective in my reporting / commenting on college football. As such, Alabama sucks.

Do you know how much Alabama sucks? Well, consider this: the last time Alabama beat Auburn, you could buy a gallon of gas for $1.29.

WAR DAMN EAGLE!

Dennis Kucinich Is An Oxygen Thief

While combing various news sources as part of my daily routine, I came across this little gem of an opinion piece. Marie Cocco, according to a hasty Google search, works for The Washington Post. Apparently, she thinks Dennis Kucinich is a stand-up guy, and not an insane recovering Oompa-Loompa (do you know how many surgeries it takes to get rid of that orange skin?). For those of you not familiar with the Ohio Congressman, he runs for President each election cycle and prides himself on coming up with the absolute most liberal positions in the country. Oh yeah, and he believes aliens have visited Earth as well. But I digress.

Marie thinks Dennis' 35 articles of impeachment for Bush was a complete and compelling litany of Bush's transgressions. Based solely on her selected quotes, I can tell you the articles are based entirely on liberal / Democrat talking points and conspiracy theories. But hey - whatever works. What's interesting, however, is how Rep. Kucinich went about presenting his Articles of Impeachment. Dennis spent 5+ hours on the floor of the House outlining his charges. 5 HOURS! And he didn't accomplish jack squat. Nada. The Articles of Impeachment were given a pass.

Because I'm such a huge fan of government, I decided to do a little math and figure out exactly how much taxpayer money the Dennis Kucinich wasted on this little stunt. According to Washminster, the budget for running the House of Representatives for fiscal year 2008 is $1.2 billion (this includes salaries for representatives, office personnel, and the various other costs associated with running the country, or something). Congress works roughly 150 days a year, and we'll say they work 10-hour days. Personally, I think that's generous, but for the sake of argument, I'll go along with it.

If you do the math, it costs $794,701.99 per hour to run the House of Representatives. Multiply that times 5, and you get $3,973,509.95

Good job, Dennis. You blew nearly $4 million on absolutely nothing. It takes some real talent to burn through that much money and have nothing to show for it.

* - And yes, that is a cetrified anti-alien mind reading aluminum foil hat Dennis is sporting.

Totally Uncalled For

Is this really necessary? Having salmonella laced tomatoes popping up around the country is scary enough, so I don't see why they had to find the guy voted "Most Likely to Be a Mad Scientist" to hold the bag of poisoned tomatoes.

Not Much Else To Do in Antartica

Did you know that the US government has a research station on Antarctica? I've seen some movie trailers that are based on this concept, so I'm going to say, Yes, I did know. I'm really not sure what purpose this research station serves, and to be honest, for the purpose of this post, it really doesn't matter.

According to to Reuters, the very last shipment to reach the base before 2 and half months of darkness was 16,500 condoms. During the winter months, there's a skeleton crew at the site, so that means about 125 people. That works out to 132 condoms for each person for approximately 75 days. That averages out to 1.76 condoms per person per day. Now, you could have all sort of fun with numbers at this point (male to female ratio, how many partners each person has, the occurrence of STD's, the "Smurfette" phenomenon), but there's really only one question that needs to be asked.

How the hell do these people find time to do research?

Government is Always the Answer

Well, it seems the Federal government is not going to do anything to stop global warming - at least not this session. So, as the saying goes, if you want something done right, you better do it yourself. Small towns across America are no stranger to applying this theory to government and policies. I know of at least 2 city councils that have passed resolutions that label Bush and his cabinet as war criminals and / or call for the impeachment of anyone and everyone who ever thought about or actually voted for Bush. I can't set foot in 4 different Vermont counties because of the later.

Anyyway, it seems the business of stopping global warming (or climate change), like impeacing Bush, has fallen to the steadfast shoulders of local governments. I'm sorry - the repair of pot holes and approving the Strawberry Festival budget is business that is going to have to take back seat to climate change. After all, global warming is a crisis...right?

First up, Seattle is considering a ban on bon fires in public parks in an effort to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Good job, Seattle. While they're at it, Seattle should go ahead and outlaw the following things because they too release CO2 - lightening (it causes forest fires) and breathing. Idiots.

And not to be outdone, Minneapolis has now decreed that if you are in city limits, you can only idle your vehicle for 3 minutes, unless you're in traffic (because your engine doesn't release CO2 when you're sitting in traffic?). Random side note - on most cars, idling for 10 seconds uses the same amount of gas as starting your engine. So, if you're like me and used to keep your car running because you thought it wasted less gas than starting it again, you're wrong. That's not to say I am starting to care about the environment. Nope - I care about not having to take a second mortgage just to fill up my car every week.

So all you global warming nazis out there - fear not. Seattle and Minneapolis are doing their part to prevent the impending crisis, or something....

Phoning It In Friday

I'm driving to Ohio today to make fun of all THE Ohio State Fans for loosing the National Championship to AN SEC team 2 years in a row. Oh yeah, and there's a wedding too, but the primary purpose is to make sure Big-10 fans understand that they are in the Bush League while the SEC is the number one place NFL scouts go when looking for game changers. MAN ALIVE - I cannot wait for football season to start.

But because I love you D&F-ers, here's a classic video to make you laugh and hopefully start the weekend off on a good note. Please to enjoy:


P.S. - Everyone should send an e-mail to William (link to the right) for his slacker post yesterday. I know for a fact he had nothing better to do than sit around at his apartment complex pool and drink Coke Zero, and all he came up with was free doughnuts? Come on!

Free Doughnuts!!!!

A friend of mine emailed me some great news for all those saturated fat and delicious glazed taste fans. Friday, June 6 is National Doughnut Day and Krispy Kreme is giving away free doughnuts. And to answer your next question…you can pick any doughnut you want.

Don’t say D&F doesn’t do anything for our loyal reader.

As a side note…you can sign up as a “Friend of Krispy Kreme” and get a coupon for a free glazed doughnut. Tomorrow could be a twofer. Fantastic.

The US Will Be 2 Years Old This July

One (of the many) recurring Democratic themes is that the United States is failing miserably to take care of the middle class and poverty stricken people across the land; that the haves couldn't care less about the have nots; and that the only way for a person in the lower realms of society to better himself is by becoming hopelessly dependent on government welfare programs. This socialist (almost communist) theme found its way into national policy in the 1930's and continued to dominate Democratic talking points in every election since.

Well, that would be the case if you were a "traditional" student of American history. Apparently, if you're Barack Obama or one of his lobotomized followers, the US hasn't done jack squat to help the little guy since, well, since forever. I present for your review some highlights from the Messiah's speech on Tuesday night.

First, the setup: while Obama actually manages not to use the words "hope" or "change" here, you can't help but feel hopeful for change after hearing this:

"Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment..." (Random note: during the North Carolina primary, I saw an Obama ad where he said the word "change" over 10 times in 30 seconds)

All right, so Obama is clearly going to reveal something that he is going to do that the United States has never, ever done before. And what are these things?

1. "...when we began to provide care for the sick..." Holy crap. Why the hell have I been paying $300+ a month in Social Security and Medicare taxes? I could have sworn that Social Security was part of the New Deal (1930's), and Medicare was part of The Great Society (1960's).

2. "...and good jobs to the jobless..." Again, the New Deal apparently never happened. But then again, who needs to get a job when you can live just fine off unemployment, welfare, and social security?

3. "...this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal..." The oceans are rising less because the Earth is getting colder. If Dems could comprehend time in a geological sense, they would realize that 20 years is a drop in the geological bucket, and global warming is much better for life than another ice age.

4. "...this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on earth..." World War I, World War II, the Cold War - all of these wars required massive sacrifice in order to win, and we sure as hell didn't win them by quitting in the middle of it. Plus, the argument can be made that we're still working on securing Europe and Asia.

5. "...when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves and our highest ideals." The word you need to focus on here is "remake." That means major overhaul, start over, a drastic change. I don't know about you, but I think while we certainly don't have the perfect solution, it's the best option out there. Can we improve? Always. Life will never be perfect, and to imply that government can make it perfect? Well, that's idiotic.

Barack Obama is the last thing this country needs right now. Of course, John McCain isn't the ideal candidate, but at least he seems to get the basics of what this country is.

It's what I think...

The Presidential race of 2008 is set. In the left corner wearing the white flag of surrender is Barack Obama. In the right corner wearing something that won’t offend anyone is John McCain (did you see his speech last night in front of a green backdrop? Give me a break; no one takes you seriously as an environmentalist…good try though). If anyone has trouble sleeping in the next 5 months, just turn on the news and listen to these two guys go at it. It will be about as exciting as watching me play soccer when I was 4.

I was burned out with this nomination battle since Mitt Romney decided to give up his bid in March…and since then we have all had to endure watching Hillary’s slow and painful political death, while watching Barack do absolutely nothing to get his party’s nomination. I have never seen someone so undeserving win something so big. It almost reminds me of the time when Oklahoma got a spot in the National Championship game in 2004 over Auburn and went on to lose by 40 points to USC. Not that Hillary would have been better than Obama…but she has paid her dues and probably “deserved” it more.

Do I think Obama will get obliterated in the general election? I have no idea. I hope he does. He has not said one concrete thing of what he will do while president except to say that he “hopes” for “change”. Also, he has been endorsed by Jimmy Carter. I am not saying that alone should make people not vote for him, but it should give people pause. Do we really want another Jimmy Carter in the White House? I mean, who doesn’t love 20% inflation, sitting down with terrorist, having our embassies and its staff taken over and blaming America and its closest allies first for everything that goes wrong in this world.

This doesn’t mean however that John McCain is the answer either. I think both men offer very little in terms of making this country better than it is right now. I think both offer tired answers to questions that need new thinking. How are we going to strengthen our dollar so oil prices drop? How are we going to stay on the offensive in a war that the enemy won’t stop till we all drop dead (McCain is on the right track with this answer…but he needs to be a little more concrete about it)? Why is it that the only way politicians think problems can be fixed is by taxing more and spending more? Why is it that the greatest country in the history of the world gets such piss poor candidates for president (they probably won’t answer that one)?

As much as I do not like Barack Obama and think he will be a disaster for us, I cannot bring myself to vote for John McCain either. He has abandoned and betrayed everything that is core to the conservative movement. Therefore, I suggest to those who feel the same way I do, write in Ronald Wilson Reagan’s name. He will do a better job dead than these two guys will alive.

My Worst Nightmare

Every couple years, some bat-s**t crazy guy escapes from the local nut house, gets hold of a video camera, and manages to con a couple media outlets into featuring his conspiracy theories on the pending alien invasion. Back in the 90's, one of them managed to get Fox to do a whole special on a supposed autopsy of an alien, complete with doctors and a pretty accurate recreation of what autopsies look like on shows like Law and Order and CSI. They even got nerd royalty Jonathan Frakes (Commander William T. Riker for you non-Trekkies) to host the thing. Don't pretend you didn't watch it.

Last week, the latest refugee emerged in Denver, and even got a headline on Drudge about his "video" of an alien visiting in house. To establish his credibility, Stan Romanek revealed that he had been the victim of alien abductions for years, and he could not longer silently stand by while these nefarious E.T.'s continued their reign of terror and cattle mutilation. Here's a screen shot of Stan's nemesis:


The "alien" is the Nerf football looking thing in the lower-middle of the window. Now, I have a serious fear of alien abduction. It's so bad that I pretty much refuse to watch any sort of UFO show close to bedtime. That doesn't mean I don't watch them - just not close to bedtime. So I've seen my fair share of alien documentaries, and this has got to be, without question, the absolute worst "video evidence" of aliens I have ever seen. It's not even a good recreation.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one. An unidentified Colorado man set out to debunk this convincing evidence by making his own "creepy alien looking through the window" video. This one actually does freak me out, and I haven't been able to sleep for a couple nights because of it:



Take note all you insane alien conspiracy theorists out there. If you want to be taken seriously, you need to maintain a professional standard. You're not going to convince anyone of your nut-job ideas with a Nerf Ball and a Sharpie. You have to go the extra mile and get some freaky-looking puppet action going on.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go fashion a tin foil hat to keep the alien invaders from reading my thoughts.

My father, the inventor of Toaster Strudels The Pringles Can...

This takes me back to Mean Girls when that chick’s dad was the inventor of Toaster Strudels. The inventor (I use the term lightly) of the Pringles can died recently and his last wish was to be buried in the can that made him millions. There are two things that you learn from reading this article. One, this guy seemed a little fixated on his “crowning” achievement and two, the Pringles can is considered an invention. Never have I looked at the can and said to myself, “self…why didn’t I think of that?” Or, “that guy is making a killing, whoever invented a tube shaped container for chips.”

So the lesson on this one boys and girls out there in D&F land…no matter how stupid or small your invention may be…it could one day be used to store your dead body. Think about how much you will save when you don’t have to buy a coffin or urn.

The Return of Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3

With the amount of legislation and Constitutional Amendments addressing slavery and voting, you would think that our government would be able to figure it out. Yes, I know it's a long shot to think the government is capable of figuring anything out, especially when it's so clearly articulated. But I can hope.

A brief history lesson: during the Constitutional Convention of 1787, the northern, mostly anti-slavery states maintained that since slaves could not vote and were legally considered property (thanks, Dred Scott*) then they should not be counted as population. The southern, pro-slavery states wanted the population numbers which translated to more seats in the House of Representatives and more electoral college votes (more political power). The compromise resulted in Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 of the US Constitution which said that one slave equals 3/5 of a person. See? Even when the country was new, the government still managed to make stupid decisions that really didn't solve anything.

Anyway, the 13th and 14th Amendments effectively rendered that little section of the Constitution moot, and future legislation and Amendments would ensure that every adult citizen counted for one whole person and had one whole vote. That is, until the DNC's Rules and Bylaws Committee met this past weekend.

The DNC RBC went a step further than its predecessor and effectively said that Michigan and Florida delegates, while whole people in reality, only count for half a vote when it comes to picking a candidate. I'm too lazy to sort through exact numbers, but this motion disenfranchises several hundred thousand voters.

Good job, Democratic Party - you've managed to violate at least 4 Constitutional Amendments, the entire Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Voting Rights Act of 1965, and 3 bylaws of the Cape Cod Homeowners Association. Impressive.

* - The Dred Scott v. Sandford decision was handed down 70 years after the Constitutional Convention, but it doesn't change the fact that most people viewed slaves as property in 18th Century America.

Are you kidding me?

Does this make me look fat? Seriously...does it?

When I die, if I do not get more press than Yves Saint Laurent I am going to be pissed. For those who are incredibly not cultured like me…he made clothes. When I look at movies like Devil Wears Prada or magazines like Vogue or TV shows like Project Runway…I often question what exactly they are bringing to society. My answer is nothing. Fashion designers for the most part design clothes that will never be worn by anyone other than anorexic models.

If anyone out there in D&F land could tell me how Yves Saint Laurent changed your life, please leave a comment. In the 3 minutes of research that I have done on him…I can’t find any life altering work that he did. I don’t mean to be heartless…but come on. There are so many other sad stories of death that we could report on and hold internet chats about (that is what I linked to). Today President Bush honored a fallen soldier with the Congressional Medal of Honor...but I am sure the media is more worried about some fashion designer dying.

So, I am sad for his family and friends but I think we as a society need to re-examine what we value. If we were to look back and see our greatest accomplishments…I don’t think some crappy clothes design is what we will talk about.

Meteorology: Science for Lazy People

Since Hurricane Katrina in 2005, annual hurricane predictions have been receiving a good amount of attention. Be it from the global warming crowd, who point to predictions of more frequent and more severe storms as proof of global warming; or from various media outlets who like to scare the bejeezes out of people living within 30 miles of an ocean coastline.

Between you and me, I think it's a conspiracy perpetuated by Lowe's and Home Depot because as soon as some yahoo on The Weather Chanel says "increased hurricane activity" you know there's a mad rush on plywood at the local home improvement store.

Conspiracy theories aside, I have found a way to have the respect and prestige that comes with being a "scientist" while not having to worry about pesky details like being right or providing useful information - become a meteorologist. I don't know why I didn't think of this before - look at some clouds, tell people when it's about to rain, point at colors on a radar map. It's so easy.

According to this story from the AP, meteorology has progressed to the point where they are now able to "pretty accurately predict an above- or below-average season, even predict the likelihood a major storm will hit SOMEWHERE along the U.S. coast." Wow. I am impressed. Just so we're all on the same page - we have a 50% chance of being right when it comes to an above average or below average season, and they're even willing to say that a storm may hit somewhere along the 2,000+ miles of Atlantic coastline.

And when they're wrong? No big deal. In fact, in 2005, one particular prediction called for 15 named storms, 8 of those hurricanes. What we got was a record 28 storms with 15 becoming hurricanes, including one little doozy called Katrina.

I know this sounds like I'm making fun of meteorologists (and to a certain extent, I am). But the main point here is that despite the vast technological advances over the past 100 years, we still can't predict with any amount of certainty what the weather is going to do more than 72 hours out.

The earth's climate is an incredibly complex system that mankind does not fully comprehend. And to claim that we are doing damage to this system without fully understanding how it works in the first place is ignorant and short-sighted. Should we protect the environment? Absolutely. Should we adopt policies that are going to grind our economy to a halt and cause mass starvation across the globe because the internal combustion engine may or may not raise the level of the ocean 1 or 2 millimeters? We might want to think a little longer about that.

Based on my extensive research (watching The Discovery Chanel), I have concluded that the earth's climate has constantly changed and that it will continue to constantly change with or without human impact. It's naive to think we can stop it.

And that concludes the science lesson for this Monday.

Wanted: A Literate Obama Supporter

This is a D&F ABP: We want someone who can intelligently discuss Obama and his candidacy. I want this for the simple reason that I need an explanation as to why this dude is a serious contender for President of the United States.

There's one catch: this yet-to-be named Obamanite cannot use the words "hope" or "change" (or any derivatives for that matter) in explaining or defending his positions. So go forth D&F faithful. Find me someone who can debate Obama and his campaign. I promise to be nice to this person.

In related news, Mark Steyn, as usual, has some entertaining commentary on sexism's return. Apparently, come the middle of this century, China and India are going to have about 1500 boys for every 1000 girls. For those of you unfamiliar with the affects of such a disparity in the sexes, think roving gangs of teenage males raping and pillaging the countryside of southeast Asia. Fun.

Also included in the article is a quick run-down of Obama's campaign to date and that he has somehow managed to not only match but surpass Dan Quayle in his public speaking mishaps. Yet you wouldn't know this from watching the evening news.