My Worst Nightmare

Every couple years, some bat-s**t crazy guy escapes from the local nut house, gets hold of a video camera, and manages to con a couple media outlets into featuring his conspiracy theories on the pending alien invasion. Back in the 90's, one of them managed to get Fox to do a whole special on a supposed autopsy of an alien, complete with doctors and a pretty accurate recreation of what autopsies look like on shows like Law and Order and CSI. They even got nerd royalty Jonathan Frakes (Commander William T. Riker for you non-Trekkies) to host the thing. Don't pretend you didn't watch it.

Last week, the latest refugee emerged in Denver, and even got a headline on Drudge about his "video" of an alien visiting in house. To establish his credibility, Stan Romanek revealed that he had been the victim of alien abductions for years, and he could not longer silently stand by while these nefarious E.T.'s continued their reign of terror and cattle mutilation. Here's a screen shot of Stan's nemesis:


The "alien" is the Nerf football looking thing in the lower-middle of the window. Now, I have a serious fear of alien abduction. It's so bad that I pretty much refuse to watch any sort of UFO show close to bedtime. That doesn't mean I don't watch them - just not close to bedtime. So I've seen my fair share of alien documentaries, and this has got to be, without question, the absolute worst "video evidence" of aliens I have ever seen. It's not even a good recreation.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one. An unidentified Colorado man set out to debunk this convincing evidence by making his own "creepy alien looking through the window" video. This one actually does freak me out, and I haven't been able to sleep for a couple nights because of it:



Take note all you insane alien conspiracy theorists out there. If you want to be taken seriously, you need to maintain a professional standard. You're not going to convince anyone of your nut-job ideas with a Nerf Ball and a Sharpie. You have to go the extra mile and get some freaky-looking puppet action going on.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go fashion a tin foil hat to keep the alien invaders from reading my thoughts.