Idiot Abuses Legal System

Maybe that isn't the best headline? It's more a statement of fact / universal truth, and at the very least a headline should give the reader some insight into what the story holds beyond stating the obvious. Oh well. I'll work on that.

Anyway, D&F-er John B. alerted us to this latest complete and utter abuse of our tort system. Past instances include cases like "Hot cup of coffee v. moron," and "Fat, stupid people looking for someone to blame for their fatness other than themselves v. McDonald's" And yes, those are the actual cases titles. I looked it up.

According to The Smoking Gun, Haywood Rosales became glued to a Home Depot bathroom toilet after sitting on the aforementioned toilet. He's suing Home Depot and its insurer for $25,000 to cover the medical bills and, of course, the pain, suffering, and embarrassment that goes along with getting one's ass glued to a public toilet seat. That, naturally, begs the question - if it was so embarrassing to have your rear end attached to a toilet seat in the first place, why would you opt to relive the experience by filing public litigation papers?

Before Haywood tackles that question - I have one other, very important, question. Why, Mr. Rosales, did you not check the landing zone before taking care of business? I don't care who you are or where you come from. Everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) checks the toilet seat before they sit down. And I'm not talking about a cursory glance to make sure there's no evidence of the prior occupant's visit. I'm talking about a CSI-type examination for leftover fluids, solids, and if you have OCD, a UV-light examination. Surely, a wet super-glue type adhesive would be readily visible.

Of course, the possibility of an emergency situation must be addressed. Perhaps Mr. Rosales was having a rather "rough" GI day, and time did not permit the customary recon of designated landing zone. At first glance this may seem like a plausible explanation. But (no pun intended) it is not. When a sufficient recon cannot be conducted, the hover method is to be employed. In fact, the hover method should be employed if the seat appears clean but other circumstances would lead one to believe the area is contaminated.

So, in light of this information, D&F is going to have to call shenanigans on Mr. Rosales lawsuit. Next time, he would do well to remember the 6 R's of public bathroom use:

-Recon the designated area

-Remove necessary clothing

-Release (do I really need to finish this one)

-Rinse (again...)

-Recover (put removed clothing back on)

-Retreat from the premises