Who in the Hell Buys This Crap?

I'll preface this by admitting that I am not a father, and, therefore, do not know all that goes into caring and raising a baby in today's world. However, I do have extensive baby sitting experience, and my wife and I are the ONLY couple in our immediate circle of friends without a baby / child, so I feel comfortable saying I am familiar, at least, with the basics of modern childcare.

Still, I'm amazed at the sort of gadgets one receives when expecting. Furthermore, I would be seriously pressed to assemble and properly work said gadgets. I once saw all the pieces of a breast pump, and I thought we were getting ready to perform triple bypass surgery. Those handy car seats that also fit into strollers and 13 other mounts? I couldn't even properly strap the kid in.

Despite the complexity, I can usually determine the usefulness of it - even the diaper genie, which is nothing more than a glorified trash can with a couple extra springs - serves a purpose. Nobody likes their room to smell like a used diaper.

And then you have this: a baby wipes warmer. I would not know of this ridiculous piece of plastic had my brother Sean and his wife Christie (who are expecting) not told me of it. I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of "if I didn't have it growing up, then neither should anyone else." For whatever reason, the child care industry in the late 1970's hadn't thought of warming baby wipes. Thus, I was subjected to endless torture sessions when a cold baby wipe would be applied to my nether region. The horror....

Of course, the argument could be made that a big reason why I am so surly and sarcastic today is because my parents neglected to warm the baby wipes to a pleasing temperature prior to cleaning me up. And why would anyone willingly unleash someone like me on an otherwise unsuspecting population?

As always, I digress. I'm going to lump this product in with the absolutely useless likes of presciption mood stabilizers for pets (and pet psychology for that matter). It's also a sign of our country's success when people are paid to come up with crap like this instead of worrying whether or not the re-elected President is going to steal your farm and give it to poor people.