Craigslist Wanted Post: Spencer Pratt Ass-Whooping Tape

I take no pride in knowing who Spencer Pratt is. In fact, I find it quite embarrassing that not only do I know his name, I know way more about his life than I ever cared to know. I blame my wife for this, and yes, we are seeking counseling for it.

Anyway, now that Spencer and his idiocy have penetrated my consciousness, I've decided that the next big thing for celebrities to do is have an ass-whooping tape. And, naturally, I've designated Spencer as the inaugural celebrity.

You see, the sex tape thing is old. In fact, it's become an automatic assumption in the American mind that if you have been on TV or even know someone famous, you have a sex tape. No more will anyone in America be surprised at celebrity sex tape. You can thank Vern Troyer for killing that one.

So, to replace the steroid affects of the sex tape (it's been proven to promote C and D list celebrities up to B or even A list), I propose videos of celebrities getting the snot beat out of them, and who better to start it than Spencer? Right - no one.

Legally, I can't say that I will pay money to see someone kick Spencer's ass, but let's just say that your good deed will not go unnoticed. I may even be able to get you eternal consciousness on your death bed.

And yes, I did post this on Craigslist.