Parking Lot Vultures

With the holiday season upon us, I am reminded of why I have vowed never to go near a mall or mass retail establishment between Thanksgiving and Martin Luther King Jr. Day - parking lot vultures. No, not the birds that eat carcasses. I'm talking about the people who sit in the middle of the lane waiting for someone to unload their purchased products in the hopes of getting a parking spot closer to the store. The vultures seem to lack a normal concept of time and situational awareness, often waiting for a ridiculous amount of time and letting several cars backup behind them.

In an effort to make the shopping experience somewhat less stressful, I propose the following guidelines for parking lot etiquette during the holiday season:

1. It's not going to kill you to walk the extra 20 yards. Chances are, if you're so hell bent on getting a spot next to the front door of the store, you're lazy to begin with and could use a little exercise.

2. If you absolutely must have that rock star parking spot, use a little common sense when waiting for it. Is someone just starting to unload their booty and still has to return the cart? Move on. Is it a really old person who's going to drive slow and take a really long time to do anything? Move on.

3. Finally, if there's some sort of medical reason why you need to park closer to the building than everyone else - broken leg, handicap, too fat - go get a handicap sticker and you can enjoy the best parking spots of all. Of course, if you have a handicap sticker and aren't actually handicap, that's just plain lazy.

Have a nice day.