Unlikely, But Ironic Future News

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In what can be only described as the most shocking and surprising attack on American soil since the horrors of 9-11, a gang of rebel Mongolian pirates raided the California town of Berkley. The purpose of the raid is unknown, but the pirates wasted no time in burning the town to the ground and then raping and pillaging the local population.

Normally, the Marines would be deployed from Camp Pendleton, located outside Sand Diego. However, due to the efforts of Code Pink in the early months of 2008, the Marines are forbidden by federal law to enter Northern California.

Berkley's mayor made the following statement, shortly before being dragged through the streets tied to the back of a Mongolian vehicle:

"As a freedom-loving and peaceful community, Berkley respects the right of these Mongolian raiders to express themselves in whatever form they feel like - be it burning our town, destroying the college, or raping our women. I would also like to add that under no circumstances should the United States Armed Forces attempt to violate the rights of this Mongolian horde. The citizens of Berkley believe the American armed forces to be the embodiment of evil, and they have never done anything good for America, or any other country on this planet, for that matter."

The mayor was unavailable for comment following the raid.