Victims of Their Own Political Correctness

In today's politically correct world, one cannot accuse a minority of gaining their position as a result of affirmative action. Well, if you want to be called a racist, go for it. But since "racist" is the modern day equivalent of "witch" in 1692 Massuchessets, it's no wonder people in polite society refrain from the accusation.

In theory, affirmative action is a fine idea - provide opportunities to minorities that, due to social prejudices, were unavailable to those groups in the past. In application, however, affirmative action was less than perfect; kind of like communism - in theory, it works. Ultimately, affirmative action, in some cases, put unqualified people in positions, and some of those unqualified people failed miserably at their job / education. Sure, qualified people fail as well, but the chances of failure increase significantly when the person is unqualified, regardless of minority / majority status.

And that brings us to Barack Obama. The man is flat-out unqualified to be President of the United States. I'm not going to say that he is where is he because of affirmative action. But, at the same time, I'm not disagreeing with Geraldine Ferraro and Bob Johnson when they say that Barack is where he is due in large part to his race.

With Barack's lackluster performance at the Philadelphia debates, the San Francisco bitter comments, and his absolutely horrendous handling of the Jeremiah Wright crisis, several Democratic party members and leaders are questioning just how capable is Barack in a general election.

If you go on Real Clear Politics' numbers, Hillary has a larger lead in a McCain match up than Obama does. Most pundits (Democrat and Republican) are in agreement that this Wright thing is going to get much worse before it gets better (it may even last through the general election). So if Obama continues to have slip-ups and really looses favor with the electorate, will the Democractic super delegates give the nomination to Hillary?

Personally, I maintain that the DNC has painted itself into a corner. With his promises of hope and change, Obama excited a good number of people. The problem was that no one, even the most passionate of his supporters, really knew who Obama was - as a man or politician. Now that the shiny new-Obama shine has faded, we see that he really is no different than every other politician out there. But he has won enough delegates to be the logical choice for the nomination.

Hillary, on the other hand, is strengthening her argument that she is more electable than Obama. If the DNC super delegates give the nomination to her, a Democratic mutiny is a very real possibility as is a number of Obama supporters staying home and not voting in protest, thus cutting into Hillary's chances of winning the general election.

In part, this entire situation stems from the Democratic party's desire to have it all. It's a politically correct wet dream to have both a woman and a black man contending for the title of First [fill in the blank with the appropriate minority title] President. If Bill Richardson would have been able to stick it out and capitalize on the Hispanic vote, there's no telling where the nomination process would be right now.

The only problem is when you pit two minority groups against each other (women vs. blacks, in this case), polarization is inevitable, and when you slight one group in favor of the other, it only fuels the racist / sexist charges. At the end of the day (or at Denver in August, if you want to get technical) the DNC is going to have to make a very non politically correct choice, and that is a liberal's worst nightmare. Well, that and a sudden repeal of the 22nd Amendment.

Computer Nerd Tip Of The Day

If you have ever seen a presentation or a document that has a screen shot in it...and have wondered to yourself, "How in the heck do they get the whole screen to show up like that?" well I am here to tell you that you can stop wondering and start doing.

If you have three fingers you can do it. Hold down CTRL+ALT+Print Screen.

Open up either your PowerPoint or Word Document or whatever you want to paste it in and then place your cursor where you want the screen shot to go and hit CTRL+V to paste the screen shot.

I am sure most of you are thinking that this is a dumb post and not funny...but I guarantee that most of you will try this and be amazed at the results. To make it a little funnier...here is a picture of a fat guy in spandex:

Too Little Too Late?

'Barack's new campaign slogan should be WTF? Well, I guess he can keep the whole "Change" thing going considering this latest press conference regarding the good Reverend Wright marks the 4th strategy change. Here's a recap for you: Strategy 1 - The Ostrich (ignore the problem); Strategy 2 - The Philly (he's a crazy uncle); Strategy 3 - The Hindsight (I was going to leave if he didn't retire); and now Strategy 4 - The Mission Impossible (complete and utter disavowal).

The blogosphere, if it hasn't already, is going to explode with commentary about Obama's comments this afternoon, but there is really only one point that needs to be made. During The Philly stage of this crisis, Barack made it very clear (I'm talking Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men "crystal clear") that he could no more disown Reverend Wright than he could disown the black community.

The logical conclusion of Barack's press conference is that since he has effectively disowned Jeremiah Wright, he also disowned the Black community. While entertaining and fun to catch Obama in this conundrum, it's not the main point. The point here is that Barack's judgment is absolutely piss poor. I apologize for the crassness, but that's the best way to describe what Barack is doing.

I listened to part of the conference, and his tone and rhetoric were specifically designed to give one the impression that he was taken by complete surprise by Wright's comments this past weekend. Wright's comments "violate [Barack's] core beliefs" and "contradict everything [Barack] said or believed." If one had never heard of Barack Obama or Jeremiah Wright, one might actually believe what Barack was saying.

That would be great - IF Wright had said something new this past weekend. But he hasn't changed his tune one single note. From government created, genocidal AIDS to God damning America, Jeremiah repeated and even attempted to justify each one of the controversial comments. He even added some new ones that would get any white person lynched - black kids learn differently and are better at different things than white children.

The question becomes - what has changed? Why, all of a sudden, did Barack determine that Wright's speech was completely anathema to his core? Because an association with Wright finally became a serious political liability, and Barack was forced to cut him out less he completely ruin his chances for the Oval Office. The disavowal is a common occurrence - if you're a regular player in the world of DC politics. But wait, isn't Barack supposed to change how things work in Washington?

You get the idea. Barack should have held today's press conference about 38 seconds after the Reverend Wright story went national 2 months ago. We're really starting to see Barack's shocking lack of judgment and his inexperience in the political arena. The man isn't anything new. He's not going to change anything. Sure, the man can give a speech, as long as it's prepared in advance. But as a politician and candidate for President, outside of the corrupt political world of Chicago, he's dangerously ignorant.

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

From The Charlotte Observer:

A newlywed couple spent the night in separate jail cells - she in her wedding gown - after police said they brawled with each other, then members of another wedding party, at a suburban Pittsburgh hotel.

Talk about the honeymoon being over. Normally, I wouldn't think that much of some crazy bride beating up her new husband and a couple innocent bystanders, but there's something special about this story.

First, if you read the article, the police arrived to find the bride knocked to the floor as a result of a "karate" kick from the groom. How pissed do you have to be at someone to actually karate kick them? I could understand a shove or even a punch, but a karate kick? There's something more to this story that we're not getting. Was the bride really a post-op trans-gender and it just told the groom? Personally, I can't think of any situation that would prompt me to go that apeshit on my new wife.

Second, when two guests from another wedding showed up to help the karate-kicked bride, she started wailing on them, even throwing metal planters at the would-be rescuers. What the hell is in the water in Pittsburgh?

My theory - the martial arts groom is a dentist, and I can tell you from personal experience, dentists are some of the weirdest, chemically imbalanced people on the planet. Aside from the OCD and oral fixation a dentist develops (or already has) from dental school, these people look at teeth all day and have to pretend like they don't smell horrible breath. Who wouldn't be crazy after just one day of that?

But the story does have a happy ending, kind of. The bride refused a restraining order, and the happy couple left jail the next morning, albeit separately. She was still in her wedding dress.

What Goes Around

Much to the dismay of Barack, the good Reverend Wright will not go away. I'm thinking that either shortly before or immediately after Barack's "classic" speech in Philadelphia, he had a little heart to heart with Wright, and Barack's handlers told Jeremiah, in no uncertain terms, that his usefulness to Obama's political aspirations had run their course. Obviously, Jeremiah had a different idea how his future would play out.

In can what only be described as supreme irony, Obama's chickens are coming home to roost. He joined Trinity United Church of Christ to build street cred among the Black population of Chicago, and Obama is now paying the price for standing on the sidelines while Reverend Wright indulged his own paranoid delusions.

National Review - a great site for conservative opinions on pretty much anything - has two articles that provide some good analysis on Reverend Wright and Barack Obama. This article focuses on Wright and his current attempts to co-op the Black church and community into defending his extreme rhetoric.

Thomas Sowell comments on why its a bad idea for Barack Obama to be the first Black President. Now before you go and get your panties in a wad, his reasons are policy based, not race based. Basically, it seems that all too many people are willing to overlook his contradictory policy proposals for his race. Not a good idea.

I'm really interested to see how this plays out in the few remaining primaries. I'm even more interested in watching the Democratic Party choose its nominee in a very un-democratic way.

Handicap Hotel Rooms...basically Hell.

I travel a lot. And by a lot, I mean that in the year that I have had my job, I have earned more than 250,000 Hilton Honor points. Not to brag or anything, but that makes me a Diamond VIP Member of the Hilton Honors program (if you would like to send me cookies or something along those lines to say congratulations, email me and I will provide my address and favorite type of cookie). Also, if you have ever talked to me within the last year, you know how much I hate to travel. I complain all the time. I apologize if I annoy you with my complaining but traveling all the time sucks.

One of my biggest pet peeves while traveling is getting stuck in handicap rooms. I would think that hotels would want to make their most loyal customers happy but Hampton Inn has decided that they would love to piss me off every time I show up and stick me in one of these hell holes. God has blessed me with being able bodied and I admire people that are handicap and get along with their lives. I would like to think that I would be a strong enough person to get on with my life if I ever become handicapped but dealing with handicap rooms would be a struggle.

For some reason, hotels use some kind of cleaning agent that makes handicap bathrooms smell like nursing homes (this is NOT a good thing). Why is it that HC bathrooms can’t smell like normal bathrooms? Do they have to use nursing home grade cleaner? Or is it that hotel chains feel that HC people don’t deserve good smelling bathrooms? Hmmm…maybe Congress could investigate this. Also, most showers are those roll in showers that are huge and have a crappy shower head. They also feature a pull down seat that is cushioned. Who in their right mind would use this germ infested seat? There is no way that I am putting my bare butt on a seat that had some other persons bare butt on it while they were taking a shower (I know what you are thinking…what about the toilet? You have to use the toilet…you don’t have to use the nasty cushion shower seat).

The beds are lower to the ground as well. Some hotel staff member at an Atlanta Hampton Inn told me that HC rooms were better because their beds are not used as often. Who cares? They aren’t used as often because the room reminds people of going to visit their 91 year old crazy great-aunt Bethel at the nursing home 40 miles from their house. The doors have two peep holes, one at normal height and one at crotch level. In order for the lower one to be effective, you either have to memorize what people’s crotch’s look like or they have to bend down to the lower hole. My guess is no one is going to bend down…so good luck with crotch memorization.

I am sorry for such a meaningless rant…but when you travel for a living you become very snobby on where you stay. And the smallest things get to you. If you want to know what I experience anytime that I get screwed out of a normal room…reserve yourself one of those massively large HC rooms…you will never do it again.

Fatty McFatbutt

Not actual fat guy mentioned in the story...

What is this world coming to when a 400 lb murder suspect looses 100 lbs in prison and then SUES the prison? When I first read this headline on Durdge I tried to guess which state he is from. It was pretty easy to narrow it down to somewhere in the Southeast. After that it got a little trickier. It could be Mississippi where they fry anything including murderers. Also, Louisiana since there are plenty of ambulance chasers that would gladly take on this case. However, there was only one true state that this could happen in…Arkansas. The armpit of everything.

Turns out Fatty McDougal (not his real name) is accused of stabbing some dude then burning his house down. Real class act. Now, since I am going to law school in a couple months, I guess I should say that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. However, it seems like Mr. Fatty is as guilty as OJ (but he isn’t a world class football player and can’t afford Johnny Cochran).

So what is the problem with the food? Well it isn’t enough. Turns out Fatty got that way because he ate too much. Now when he only consumes 3,000 calories (normal diet consist of 2,000) a day he gets a little light headed when he stands up in his cell. Maybe he should have thought about that when he continually stabbed someone to death, then burned his house down. Maybe that guy would like to sue Fatty for making him a little light headed and dead.

I digress...Fatty states in his complaint that,

"If we are in a small pod all day (and) do next to nothing for physical exercise, we should not lose weight,"

Well Fatty McFats must have gone to knife stabbing 101 instead of nutrition since most smart people realize that if you decrease the number of calories you intake…you are bound to loose weight and no physical activity is needed to accomplish this. If you go from eating 8,000 calories a day to 3,000 calories a day…that is some massive weight loss.

So instead of suing the prison system Fatty, you should be sending them a thank you note for getting you in shape enough to maybe…just maybe…being able to see your toes when you stand up. Something that you probably haven’t been able to do since 3rd grade.

To help out people like Fatty McBisquitthighs here is a random nutritional fact:

Hardees’s 2/3lb Monster Thickburger

1,420 calories, 108g of fat, 2,770mg of sodium

Might want to stay clear of that one.

Captain Adam Gives an Interview

My good friend Adam is in Iraq. He's been there for about a year, and he has a few more months before he heads back to the states. This is a link to an interview he did with a local Richmond, VA TV station. He gives an honest, ground truth assessment of what is going on and the progress we are making.

And as always, please keep Adam, his wife Kate, and their son Jacob in your thoughts and prayers.

Captain Adam Gives an Interview

Scroll down to the bottom of the page - you can download the video or stream it.

A Sticky Situation in The Tar Heel State

With the North Carolina GOP refusing to pull the Jeremiah Wright / anti-Obama ad, the otherwise mundane world of state politics has become a point of national interest. Pretty much every major news outlet (online, print, TV) has had some one or many people wax philosophical on the merits or dangers of the ad. To save you the trouble of reading them all, allow me to break them down for you.

On the Democrat / John McCain side (that's not a typo), the ad is nothing more than race baiting. The racist, bigots in the south are pulling out all the stops in an obvious effort to scare white people into voting Republican. I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure Dems and the majority of people north of the Mason-Dixon firmly believe that if the southern states could undo the various legislative results of the 1960's civil rights movement, they would, not to mention Amendments 13-15.

On the North Carolina GOP / non-brainwashed people side, the ad is an extension of legitimate questions about Jeremiah Wright and Obama's associations with the man. Questions that have largely gone unanswered by Obama. Yes, he did give quite the speech shortly after the story broke. Forgive me for not having the 13-year old girl, goose-bumps on my arm reaction that Chris Matthews and Keith Oberman shared.

I don't think any intelligent person out there is mad at Jeremiah Wright for the things he's said. At the end of the day, his statements reflect an ignorant and paranoid world view, and more than anything, I feel sorry for those people. If one accepts that anyone can be racist, not just white people, than his rhetorical themes are somewhat disturbing - racism, hate, and separatism.

The legitimate questions are about Barack's judgement and, to a larger extent, his character. Reverend Wright, evidenced by his own admission and the shear number of DVD's for sale showcasing his sermons, has been preaching the above mentioned themes for decades. Barack has sat in the pews and, despite his contention to the contrary, heard some of Wright's choice comments. To maintain that Barack did not or does not know what kind of man Wright is, is to ignore reality.

Because this is America, and we're free to associate with whom we please, Barack can pick whomever he wants to officiate his wedding, baptize his kids, and be his spiritual advisor - if he is to remain a private citizen. However, when you want to be President of the United States, your choices, personal and public, become fair game, and the voting public is going to use that to determine your character and ability to make sound judgements.

You know where this is headed, so I won't re-invent the wheel. Barack picks very interesting people to advise him, and this is something that needs to be fully addressed. But when the questions are asked, Obama's campaign and certain media outlets immediately cry "RACIST!" and shut down the conversation. It's as if race is the supreme issue in this country, and all other concerns are subordinate.

In addition, the Jeremiah Wright issues is not race related beyond the extent that Wright is black and is a pastor at a black church. The issue is that the man seemingly hates America, and Barack Obama thinks this is a good character trait.

I'm actually happy that the North Carolina GOP is picking up where John McCain refuses to go. Thanks to that groovy First Amendment, I think we'll be seeing more and more of this, and maybe, just maybe, Barack will be forced to fully explain the company he keeps.

The Gig Is Up

Once again, we're seeing signs of the Shadow Government getting lazy and not even trying to hide their existence or agenda (Click here for the first installment of this series). Back in the day, when the New World Order determined a particular course of action, it wasn't mainstream news.

In fact, the schemes were so complicated and extensive that it often took generations for them to play out. 9-11 didn't happen overnight - the Black Ops section of the CIA started working on that little gem in something you might know as The Bolshevik Revolution. Again, I'm risking my life by revealing this information, but I have a responsibility to make sure the New World Order maintains its position of power.

Once Lenin gained power, and Communism was institutionalized in the Soviet Union, all the Rockefeller's, Kennedy's, Vanderbilt's, and Bush's had to to do was sit back and watch. Eventually, the USSR invaded Afghanistan. The CIA then armed (and ultimately created) Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda. The rest, as they say, is history.

I digress. The latest example of Shadow Government apathy is this whole Planned Parenthood black genocide thing. I'm pretty sure this is a new faction within the Shadow Government because the original plan to eradicate the African-American population began in the late 1970's with the release of the AIDS virus (the good Reverend Jeremiah Wright broke this story a couple years ago).

Clearly, some within the Shadow Government do not want to wait for the AIDS plan to work, and they have strategically placed Planned Parenthood clinics throughout America's inner cities in an effort to expedite the process. This haste has compromised the integrity of the Shadow Government and attracted undo attention to its existence. Having hundreds of preachers and activists broadcast your "secret" agenda on the National Mall is no way to secretly control the world. The Colonel, I'm sure, is very displeased with this development.

Despite its lack of planning and poor execution, I must commend this new faction for being able to actually compel African-American women to have enough abortions to affect the population. You would think that if the African-American community was able to pass on morals and its culture, than over 1,500 black babies wouldn't be aborted every day.

Yep, whatever mind control device this new faction is using leaves the victims completely unable to make their own decisions or even have any sort of responsibility for their actions. Brilliant.

Can We Get John Wayne to Run for President?

I'm going to vote for you, John McCain, but I'm not going to like it. It's almost to the point where I will be more voting against the Democrat rather than voting for the Republican, and that's not the way things should be. I'm not looking for a religious experience when I vote - I'm pretty sure most Obama supporters have some form of an orgasm when they pull the lever. I would just like a leader that isn't afraid to take off the gloves and play tough.

George W. Bush has been and will continue to be painted as a cowboy - someone that shoots first and asks questions later. This is best characterized by the aircraft carrier landing and "Mission Accomplished" PR stunt. On an extreme tangent - the funniest pop culture reference to that event is Arrested Development. Gob gets lowered from a crane in front of a "Mission Accomplished" banner just before the fake house behind him collapses. It's awesome.

Anyway, W gives the impression he's not afraid to call it like it is. He may comes across as a stupid, reckless cowboy, but one thing is for certain: terrorists have not attacked Americans on our turf since 9-11. That's huge. And it's a direct result of Bush's policies and leadership over the past 7 years.

John McCain, on the other side of things, is afraid to hurt any one's feelings. He may have had the Straight Talk Express during the early primary season, and Johnny certainly likes to maintain the illusion that he's a maverick, but the truth of the matter is that McCain is a career politician. That career is built on compromises and those compromises, more often than not reflect an opportunistic approach. A particular political philosophy doesn't drive John McCain. Rather, he looks for the most popular option and runs with it.

The latest example - while criticizing North Carolina's Republican committee for airing an anti-Democrat ad that featured the good Reverend Jeremiah Wright, John stated that "...I want to be the candidate of everybody. I want to be the candidate of Republicans and Democrats and Independents and people across the political spectrum..."

That's great, John. Real noble of you. One small problem - you can't make everyone happy. And when you try to make everyone happy, you lose the ability to take off the gloves and get dirty. Because as W's all-time low approval rating will show you, when you stick to your guns, you piss people off.

So, John - you have my vote. But it is not intended as an endorsement of your leadership style or policies. You happen to be the best choice between yourself, Hillary, and Barack. Unfortunately for us, that's not saying much.

Do You Think This Will Get Me Sued?

The headline on Drudge is this:

"China builds lunar rover prototype..."

After the link, you will read this:

"...turn signal permanently on; top speed 27 mph"

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say

Two Chinese women have sued CNN for $1.3 billion because Jack Cafferty said that the Chinese government was a "bunch of goons and thugs." The plaintiffs had their feelings hurt (along with every other Chinese person), and they say CNN did it on purpose. Those bastards. Interestingly enough, $1.3 billion is about enough money to give each Chinese person $1. It doesn't sound like much, but if they shop at Wal-Mart, they can get 4 Ramen noodle packages for that $1. JACKPOT!

Never mind the whole oppressive, Communist government thing; or the Tienanmen Square thing; or the Tibet thing; or partial-birth abortions if it's a girl thing; or the lead paint on toys thing; or the poison pet food thing. Or how about the fact that here in America, everyone has the right to say whatever the freak they want to. Nope, the Chinese government is a stand-up organization, so these two women are completely justified in this lawsuit.

Which Amendment says that I have a right not to have my feelings hurt? There isn't one? Well, certainly there must be a federal law then. Oh, there isn't one of those either? Weird. Then what the hell is going on here?

If this thing doesn't get thrown out, and CNN somehow gives these women money, then I got a whole list of people that I'm suing for hurting my feelings. Hang on - I completely forgot that I am a white, middle class male. I don't get to sue anyone for anything...ever.

BURN HER!!!!

One of the greatest movies of all time - Month Python and Holy Grail - is 91 minutes of complete absurdity. It's hilarious, and I'm pretty sure I've watched the movie in whole or part over 100 times. Of particular note is the witch burning scene. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you are no longer allowed to read this blog. Close your browser now.

Anyway, the witch scene is so great because it captures just how stupid people get when mob psychology takes over. Don't believe me? Well, here's a modern day example of mob psychology taking over and people attacking "sorcerers."

Yes, in Kinshasa, Congo, police are having a very difficult time with mobs of people attacking sorcerers for shrinking or removing men's penises. There's any number of crude jokes I could make here, but instead, I'm going to let your imaginations run wild.

My favorite part of the article is the quotes from the police officer who tries to reason with the people who think their penis has been shrunk or removed. You've got to admire the guys determination. If someone came up to me and claimed that his member had been shrunk by magic, I wouldn't even try to rationalize with the guy.

Of course, this really shouldn't surprise anyone who knows anything about Africa. This is the same continent where the majority of people believe having sex with a virgin is the best way to cure AIDS. I'm not making that up.

Don't Call It A Comeback

And the saga continues. Not that I'm complaining. The longer Hillary and Barack waste their time, energy, and money on beating each other up, the less John McCain has to whenever the Democrats finally figure out who their nominee is. And let's be honest - Johnny doesn't exactly pull in the money and crowds like Barack. There's just something about old, white guys on the verge of death that tends to push away the younger crowd. Go figure.

Next up: Indiana. I think the polls have Hillary and Barack neck to neck, but I'm fairly confident that the Clinton machine will waste no time in highlighting Barack's disdain for the proletariat. Likewise, Barack will hit on Hillary's issues as well. Fun times to be had by all. Maybe, if we're lucky, Barack will come out and say something like, "You stupid crackers wouldn't know what's good for you even if it sponsored Dale Jr." That would be awesome.

In barely related news, here's another video from The Onion. There's some bad words in there, so if you're at work, make sure you have the headphones on. The last thing the anchor says is the best. Please to enjoy:

Study: Nearly 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night

Headline Insanity

It's time for some headline fun. Here's a sampling of what's in the news and why you should be concerned:

- We're still 4+ months from the start of college football, but ESPN couldn't wait to start over-rating THE Ohio State University. Apparently, Jim Tressel is having a hard time finding ways to challenge his players. What? Are all the D-2 Ohio schools refusing to play Ohio State now? Will THE Ohio State University have to play out of conference games that actually pose a threat? Stupid useless nuts.

- In an effort to reach more people, an Ohio church has started holding services at a local bar. For some reason, they think this an original idea. Um, check the bible, padre. Jesus turned water into wine on a regular basis. How do you think Christianity got to be so popular?

- Apparently, the only way to learn about the Koran and Islam is to be a slave beggar for some sort of Muslim holy man. The locals seem to believe that giving up one or more sons to be a slave is a sure-fire way to get yourself into paradise. Is there any "normal" behavior that gets you the 72 virgins in Islam? Anybody? As a side note, it's a pretty interesting story, if you have the time to read it.

- Al Gore is shocked that his movie hasn't inspired the world to change its views on global warming. His next move? Another movie. Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Are You Kidding Me, Carter?

In an interview given shortly after meeting with the leader of the terrorist organization, Hamas, for the second time, Jimmy Carter said that Khaled Mashaal had agreed to "live as a neighbor" with Israel, provided it's a Palestinian state with pre-1967 borders. Man, hand me a towel because I, along with everyone else in the US State Department, have pie on my face. Jimmy Carter managed to get Hamas to agree to "live as a neighbor" with Israel.

Wait a minute. There's something disturbingly vague about that statement -"live as a neighbor". For one, it doesn't mention what kind of neighbor. Technically, haven't they been "living as neighbors" for the past 60-odd years? Sure, it hasn't been the most friendly or even peaceful of relationships, but they're still neighbors, right? You could also say that Hitler lived as a neighbor with Austria, Hungary, France, Poland, and the rest of Western Europe.

Basically, Jimmy Carter has gotten Hamas to agree to continue to do what they've always done - terrorism - until Israel is no longer on the map. Well, no - until it's a Palestinian controlled state with pre-1967 borders. Man alive is that Jimmy Carter a tough negotiator. Next time I need to give away the farm while maintaining the allusion of toughness, I've giving Carter a call.

In the same interview, Jimmy said that he would never meet with Al-Qaeda because - this is good - they have no redeeming qualities. Hamas, Jimmy points out, is contributing to a fruitful process (blowing up civilians, namely) and they are recognized by their people. After all, Hamas was elected in a fair election.

Take note, Al-Qaeda - if you would like a visit from a former US President, get yourself involved in a fruitful process. And by that, I mean send one or two of your would-be suicide bombers to be politicians instead. You can still engage in all the fun that terrorism has to offer, but you also have to show a good faith effort by going to a couple meetings and chanting "Death to Israel." Before you know it, good ol' Jimmy Carter will be on your doorstep with a six-pack of Billy Beer and some peanut butter.

Knock It Off, TBS

Listen, TBS has done good for itself. I remember back in the day when it was a second-rate channel broadcasting in Atlanta and a couple other markets throughout the Southeast. Now, it's pretty much on every cable provider's basic lineup; there's college football in the fall, a stranglehold on Braves' baseball, and some good syndication - Friends, Family Guy, The Office, etc.

Unfortunately, I have to call the TBS brass out. This Tyler Perry's House of Payne crap has got to stop. TBS claims that House of Payne is the number one cable sitcom of all time. Technically, they're correct because the competition for cable sitcoms consists of TBS' original series (like the Bill Engvall show; remember that one? Didn't think so) and some show on Lifetime that just repeats horrible spouse abuse jokes.

So, with those high caliber shows as competition, it's no surprise a sitcom that relies on stereotypes and completely uncreative writing can become the number one cable sitcom of all time. I think they need to knock off the advertising for two reasons. One, the show sucks. In an effort to diversify myself (or I was really, really bored, and the writer's strike left nothing on the DVR), I tried to watch one of the episodes. I made it 3 minutes. The show is simply not funny. At all.

Two, for people that are either too lazy to do the research or too dumb to notice the qualifier "cable" in the ad, it can be very misleading. I hear "number one sitcom of all time" and immediately start comparing it to the likes of Seinfeld, Friends, Full House, which is not correct because those shows are on broadcast TV, not cable TV.

The moral of the story here is that if you're watching TBS for longer than 23 seconds, you're going to see some sort of ad for House of Payne. Do not, I repeat, do not fall for it. Just because you're the least ugly person in the room doesn't make you gorgeous.

Blind Allegiance

And here I was on Sunday morning, thinking I would have a hard time to find something to inspire me to blog. Well, let me rephrase that - there is still plenty of material from the Democratic debate the other night, but all the "professional" bloggers have hit the points I would make. There's no point in reinventing the wheel, right? FYI - I put "professional" in quotations because I am jealous of the people who get paid to blog. That seems like a dream job to me.

To be honest, there's probably hundreds of posts on what I'm about to provide commentary, but I wasn't able to find it in my exhaustive 3 minute search, and I have thus deemed it original. So there.

While campaigning in Gun-lovin-God-clinging-Racist-vania, Barack made comments describing Hillary's tactics as "slash and burn." He also made the brilliant observation that Hillary will say whatever people want to hear in her bid to be President.

I don't know about you, but I am absolutely shocked. For someone to base their Presidential campaign on empty rhetoric and words that are designed to placate the masses and make them feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside is not the sort of leadership this country needs. Is there a stronger word than "hypocrite"? Because this is simply out of control.

Barack's economic policies are laughable. He wants to raise taxes while the country is clearly on the verge of a recession; his solution to lift the supposed middle-class tax burden is to increase payroll taxes (social security and medicare) which will increase payroll taxes mostly on - wait for it - the middle class. Capital gains is to be increased (doubled if Obama really had his way); never mind the fact that over 100 million Americans own stock, and that taxing capital gains is the number one way to stifle business growth (read: increase employment / income).

Let's talk foreign policy - invade Pakistan; precipitously pull American forces out of Iraq, regardless of the consequences; and the latest addition to the Obama Doctrine - stop short of criticizing Carter's little trip to talk to Hamas. That's right. Obama has yet to state that negotiating with terrorists is completely unacceptable. Carter (and now Obama's) apparent belief that one can negotiate with terrorists and reasonably expect them to keep their word is along the lines of Chamberlin's appeasement policies leading up to World War II.

The willingness of Obamanites to not critical analyze his policies and plans is shocking, almost inexcusable. I won't get started on the company the man keeps.

Enjoy your Sunday. Hopefully, I will be able to post more at work next week.

Trouble in the Obama Camp

This is a decent video from The Onion. The funniest part, however, are the headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen. Of particular note, check out the one that starts 1:50 into the video.


Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

Sean Penn is a Grade-A Idiot

Sean Penn's lack of intelligence defies explanation. This article is funny because it's true:

Sean Penn Demands To Know What Asshole Took SeanPenn@ gmail.com

Political Comment of the Day

Based on the commentary from our readership and my first-hand knowledge of who reads this blog, there are a handful of people that I know are faithful Democrats and will probably vote for Barack regardless of what I post. Ok, Hillary has a "winning the Powerball jackpot" chance of securing the nomination, but for posting purposes, let's assume Barack is going to be the Democratic nominee.

Anyway - my point is that the other non-Democrat readers are just as likely to not vote for Barack, so it would seem that me posting anti-Barack information would be a futile effort. Well, it's not, and how dare you insult my blogging! I post on the off chance that said Democrat readers will see the light (coincidentally, this is as likely as Hillary winning the nomination), and for the Republican die hards to get some good ammunition to argue with Barack supporters and / or people sitting on the fence.

So, without further ado, I bring a good commentary on Obama and his past from Thomas Sowell. Of particular note is his observation on Barack's kung-fu grip on the youth vote:

"It is understandable that young people are so strongly attracted to Obama. Youth is another name for inexperience -- and experience is what is most needed when dealing with skillful and charismatic demagogues."

- Thanks to B1 for the tip.

Fun With Extremist Rhetoric

The good Reverend Wright is a big fan of James Hal Cone. Jimmy Cone wrote a pleasant book in 1969 titled Black Theology and Black Power. Here's an excerpt:

"Black theology refuses to accept a God who is not identified totally with the goals of the black community. If God is not for us and against white people, then he is a murderer, and we had better kill him. The task of black theology is to kill Gods who do not belong to the black community.... Black theology will accept only the love of God which participates in the destruction of the white enemy. What we need is the divine love as expressed in Black Power, which is the power of black people to destroy their oppressors here and now by any means at their disposal. Unless God is participating in this holy activity, we must reject his love."

Now, read it again, but this time replace the key words and phrases as follows:
- "Black theology" = Islam
- "Black community" = Muslim people
- "White people" = White people (ok, that was too easy to pass up. It should be "the west" or "Zionists")
- "Black power" = Jihad

Fits a little too easily, doesn't it?

New D&F Time Waster

One of the many (and noble) goals of D&F is to provide some sort of entertainment to our 10's of readers out there who are stuck at work and need a break from the daily grind. When our witty commentary and occasional video link doesn't do the trick, we have a convenient list of fail safe web sites that are sure to please.

Ever since our last Time Waster went all corporate ("Stuff White People Like" got a book deal, FYI), I have been searching the dredges of the Internet for a new D&F Time Waster, and today, I have found it. I present for your viewing pleasure: Hot Chicks with Douchebags.

I would try to explain what a "douchebag" is, but as the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. Please to enjoy:

As a side note, this picture is featured on a section titled: Xenu

Linsay Lohan...Naked...but you have to watch a crappy movie to see it

It is about time that Lindsay Lohan turns over a new leaf. To portray herself as a “serious actress” she has decided to star in an indie film for only $80,000. Great, right? Well not exactly, this film has her getting completely neked. As a heterosexual male, I am not complaining. However, it begs the question…how does getting naked make you a serious actress? Is it harder to act while naked? To me, one has no bearing (hahahaha…the pun was intended) on the other. But what would I know…I enjoy movies like Fast and the Furious and Toy Soldiers.

This is like me dressing up like a nerd so I will be taken more seriously as a student without actually doing any homework. Without the homework, I am not a better student. Maybe instead of showing off what God gave her (again, I am not recommending this)…she should enroll in some acting classes. (I Googled one for her incase she reads the blog). She should also watch the dork on Bravo that ask stupid questions of actors and then laughs weird. That would probably help.

And finally if she wants to be a better actor…she should just stop acting, which in itself is the best thing that she could do for her career. No movie is better than her performance in "I Know Who Killled Me". (Named the worst movie of last year). Go get ‘em kiddo.

Down with X

Is this the type of behavior that a small mid-major college that specializes in one sport encourages? Xavier University’s star point guard Drew Lavender was busted this past weekend with disorderly conduct and possession of marijuana. Drew was just hanging out in the middle of an intersection and was chillin. He was probably waiting for the hot dog stand man to mosey up to the intersection and help him with the munchies. You can’t blame him for that.

After “the man” searched Drew and found some Mary Jane they took him to the pokey. He posted a $2,000 bond and was set free. Drew’s response to this situation:

“It was just a misunderstanding, but that's all I can say because my attorney told me I can't say too much about it.”

What part was the misunderstanding? The part where you wouldn’t get out of the intersection or maybe the fact that they found drugs on you? Either way, it sounds like the coppers probably misremembered what happened. I am on Drew’s side…pause…NOT (thanks Borat).

I can’t speak for anyone else, but who would send their kid to this type of institution? Drunken behavior, drug fuelled basketball players and nuns running around naked (those rumors are unfounded at this point). Until these student athletes have to face consequences for these ridiculous actions, they will never change. They should be required to live up to higher expectations because of who they are. It might not be fair, but hey, Lavender is going to sign a multi-million dollar contract to walk down the floor and toss a leather ball into a basket.

But, if Drew has the facts right, and it sounds like he does, this is all just a huge misunderstanding. Thank God.

Venzuela Has Its Priorities Straight

If I had to make a list of world leaders that are most likely to be works of fiction - not that they're imaginary; rather, that the personas are fictional (like professional wrestling, but with nuclear weapons and the UN) - Hugo Chavez would be at the top of the list. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, due to his comically short height, is a close second, FYI.

Anyway, Hugo Chavez, besides having a name that sound like a professional wrestler, is guaranteed to say and / or do something stupid every 17 minutes. It's a fundamental law of the universe. Stephen Hawking discovered this shortly before the whole super massive black hole thing.

Here's the latest example: this past Friday, a Venezuelan TV station, controlled by the government (read: Hugo Chavez) removed The Simpsons from its lineup. No, as amazing as it is, this is not the stupid part. The reason for removing the longest running comedy show on American television is that the government felt that The Simpsons was not appropriate for children. That's horse-sh**. I grew up watching The Simpsons, and....well, maybe they have a point.

So they must have put something much more suitable for children in the 11am weekday time slot, right? Something like Barney, or The Price is Right, or any number of kid friendly options. Nope, Hugo Chavez and his crack team of government thugs put Baywatch: Hawaii in the vacant time slot.

Animation and funny jokes: bad for kids. Blatant objectification of sex and horrid acting: good for kids. It all makes sense.

It's Not You, It's Me

Ok, so I've actually been busy at work. I've hired this new guy who is actually going to replace me when I start law school in August. So I've been occupied the past two days showing this guy around and trying to train him (or at least give the impression that I am training him). But that's not important right now.

There's been more than enough fodder for D and F in the news, but I have simply not had the time to post about Condi possible joining McCain on the Republican ticket, the insanity that is the Democratic nomination process, or any number of inane celebrity stories that are floating out there. And for that, I am sorry.

If all goes well, I will have some time to post tomorrow. And when I get this FNG trained up, I will have plenty of time to post here on D&F. Please don't cancel your subscription. Please. We're up to like 23 unique readers, and I would hate to loose any of you.

In the mean time, if you find something on the Internet you would like me (or William) to comment on, please don't hesitate to send us the link. Our e-mail addresses are to the left under the "Contact the Editors" section.

And if you're feeling down because the NCAA basketball tournament is over, don't fret. We're only 5 months away from college football season starting.

WAR DAMN EAGLE!

Stuff You Need to Know

Instead of going on a long-winded rant on any number of topics, let's do the shotgun approach. Here's some headlines from yesterday and today.

- Nancy Pelosi warned Gen. Patreaus not to try and sugar coat the recent violence in Basra, Iraq when he testifies next week on Capitol Hill. Interesting - I don't remember her warning Patreaus not to try and downplay the success we've had since the The Surge has been in full effect. For any leader of this country to be (or even to pretend to be) this ignorant about military affairs is sickening.

- Ted Turner, because he's an expert on the Earth's climate, says the earth will be 8-10 degrees warmer in 30 or 40 years. He claims that crops won't grow, and mankind will have to result to cannibalism. D&F reader B1 comments - "How did this man become a billionaire?Thank God he'll be dead before we become cannibals - I hate a Turner Steak.When the Muslims cut back to 1 or 2 children from 8 - 10 kids the world will be safer." I comment - SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE. IT'S PEOPLE!

- In ironic coincidence news - the World Meteorological Organization's Secretary General stated that the Earth's temperature has not risen since 1998. So don't go out getting copies of Alive for cannibalism pointers just yet.

- Obama has managed to energize the youth vote. What is his secret? Is it the "hope" for "change" and a better future? Is it Obama's pledge to FINALLY bring the country together and do away with the devisive partisan politics? Nope - it's Dave Matthews tickets.

- Just so everyone is on the same page - Hillary's pathological lying is now a joke, and, therefore, no longer a major personality flaw. After all, lying as part of a joke makes the joke funnier.

Back in The Day

Everyone out there has, at some point in their life, had the realization that if you knew then (often described as 'back in the day') what you know now, your life would have turned out drastically different. I have this thought on a regular basis. Today's example is Justin Timberlake.

The following video shows Justin at an early age singing some god-awful country song and prancing around like he's the mascot for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy or something. Prior to recent developments - namely the fact that Justin is bumping uglies with D&F's "Reader" of the Month, Jessica Biel - I would have made merciless fun of this kid and his parents, regardless of who they were. But not now - now I know what acting like this will get you - hot chicks. Sure, you may have to endure a myriad of atomic wedgies, beatings, and verbal insults, but come on - every red-blooded American male would gladly pay that price for Jessica (even the gay men).

Furthermore, had I known when I was younger that doing this kind of crap would land me tail like Jessica Biel when I was older (not to mention the other "buddies" Justin has had - Cameron Diaz, a much better looking Britney Spears, etc.), I would have been a friggin' star on the talent show circuit.

Maybe William was onto something when he took ballet, tap, and modern dance lessons.

It's Scary. Very, Very Scary.

It's becoming more and more evident that Hillary has some serious anti-social tendencies. First, she continued to repeat the whole sniper fire story after it's was painfully clear that the truth was pretty much 180 degrees in the other direction. Then, we get this story of her boss during the Watergate scandal firing her for less than honest practices (and I'm being generous with that description).

Yesterday, while campaigning in Philadelphia, Hillary compared herself to Rocky (because Rocky was from Philly, for you un-American bastards that have never seen Rocky). In an attempt to convince her supporters that she was not going to quit the race, Hillary said, "Let me tell you something, when it comes to finishing a fight, Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit. I never give up. And neither do the American people."

Where to begin? First off, Rocky loses in the first movie - not by a knock-out, but by points. The similarities between that and losing due to super delegates is blatant, to say the least. Next, and more importantly, Hillary is all too willing to call it quits in Iraq. In fact, she has said on multiple occasions that we should give up. There is no chance of victory. So what are we to take away from this? Hillary is a fighter, but only when her own personal interests are at stake?

Onto Barack - commenting on Congress' hearing on big oil yesterday, Obama made the case that the "windfall" profits should either be heavily taxed or taken away from big oil. Naturally, the government would then redistribute the wealth in a fair and judicious manner, or something...

It's my belief that if you punish people (or companies) for being in the right place at the right time (which is really what we're talking about here), than you inevitably suffocate the capitalist spirit and system that has made this country what it is. If success if going to be punished, than there is no motivation for success, only mediocrity. Besides, one could argue that Barack received some "windfall" profits with the proceeds of his two books. This effectively moved Barack and his family from firm middle class to upper class in a relatively short period of time. Sounds like Barack is in need of some redistribution of wealth.

And because I'm in a fair and judicious mood this morning, let's talk about John McCain. There are more and more stories popping up about McCain contemplating switching parties after the 2000 Republican Primary. This should come as no surprise to anyone. He's been on the liberal side of moderate since forever. His only true conservative credential is the "Regan foot soldier" mantra, and that doesn't necessarily a conservative make.

So, to sum it all up - all the candidates scare me. It looks like I'm going to end up picking the lesser of two evils. The system isn't perfect, but at least it's not Communism....yet.

Muslims are Innocent...of Everything

I tell you what - if there's one way to help a country accept your religion and be tolerant towards its believers, it's to go on national television and tell everyone who is not a member of your religion, that your God allows you to rape and kill non-believers.

Oh yeah, and don't forget to claim that every member of your religion ever is innocent of every crime ever. Because, as we all know, if you do something wrong in the name of striking deep into the belly of the infidel, than it's not really wrong, is it?

Yep - the top Muslim lawyer in England (which is about the same as "Expert Pig Latin speaker")* makes the above claims. You can read about and watch the interview here.

* A distinction should be made - if this lawyer is an actual member of the British bar that happens to be Muslim, than disregard the Pig Latin comment. If, however, he is an expert on Muslim law, than apply said comment. Along those lines, all it takes to be an "expert" in Muslim law is the ability to apply the following complex legal theories:

- Kill the infidel
- When in doubt, stone women to death
- Suicide bombing is an effective means of compromise
- Death to the Zionists

Well...Good For Him/Her!!!

I am hoping against hope that this is an April Fool's joke. The summary of the article is basically a lesbian couple was not happy with just being a lesbian couple so one of them got a sex change. In the process of going through this change, she/he took some hormone pills. Well one day she/he decided to stop taking them and started having womanly things happen. Well, they wanted biological children. Instead of going the tradition route and have the woman of the relationship get pregnant (she was unable for some reason), the man of the relationship decided to take one for the team.

This is the strange part and I guess I should do a little more research on the subject of take home knock up kits (that’s the technical term). Thomas (that is the he/she’s name) got a take home kit and because he still had some woman organs, was able to conceive a child. I thought that a doctor had to perform this type of procedure, but obviously CVS had them on special. Actually, you probably have to send off to get it from 1-800-NOCMEUP.

Anyway, this is making the news around the world and people are clamoring to interview the happy couple. Apparently Oprah decided to lower herself even further (yes, lower than coming out and supporting Obama) and booked the “exclusive”. That will be another reason never to watch her again. Look for Thomas, in this order, on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN American Morning, Fox and Friends, The Howard Stern Show, Tyra, various local news shows and finally at the Western Ohio Epileptic Society Mud Volleyball Tournament. She is really going to milk her fame.

I guess my main contention is why is this news? I mean, Thomas is still a woman technically. He/she has the parts that matter and he/she isn’t the first sex change dude to have a baby. I mean for real, is this really that important of an issue that we have to dedicate precious internet space to writing about it. The fact that Oprah (who is basically a Saint in our society) is booking these people show how low we have fallen as a society. The most ironic part of the story is that Thomas is a big advocate for same sex marriage…and he/she goes off and gets a sex change and gets hitched. SOLIDARITY!!

The story does say that this could be a hoax or even a segment on Asthon Kutcher’s new TV show. I am kind of hoping it is and this person is not for real. The pictures do look fake. But whatever…here comes a new bracelet color to wear. It will be the teal bracelet to “Support Women Who Used To Be Men Who Are Now Pregnant”. Wear it proudly Thomas!!

On a completely unrelated note…there is a rumor circulating that Nashville has secured the 2020 Olympics. Congrats to us.

--------------------------

Bobby did beat me to this story however mine is longer and funnier.

Of Course You Know, This Means War

I can't figure out if this is an actual random person or someone within the 10's of D&F readers trying to prod me into writing more. Either way, we received the following comment this afternoon:

"So it appears DinkFlika has been silenced by the Liberals - how wonderful!For those needing interesting and intelligent commentary: http://dailykos.com/ "

Two problems with this comment.

1. The number of responses to political posts that could be viewed as "liberal" happens to be the same number of sniper rounds Hillary had to avoid on her 1996 trip to Bosnia. That's 0 for those of you not keeping up with current events. So, to claim that D&F has been silenced by liberals despite the complete lack of commentary from liberals doesn't really follow. Hang on - I completely forgot about the primary means of changing the world for liberals - hope and change. Now it all makes sense. Well played, liberals.

2. I do not frequent Daily KOS for the simple reason I know how to blame other people for my problems and also how to demand that government fix all the woes in my life. I'm guessing that a vast army of liberal minded people update the Daily KOS on a regular basis whereas D&F is doing good if we get one update a day. The reason for this is simple - the majority of Daily KOS contributors are almost certainly unemployed and have the time to complain about how the government is not solving their problems. The other contributors to D&F and I, on the other hand, have actual jobs that require some amount of attention, and we can't sit around figuring out ways to make it easier for radical Islamic terrorists to attack the country. For this, we apologize.

Oh well, here's a sampling of the days headlines that are sure to entertain and maybe even educate:

- According to Christopher Hitchinson, the biggest scandal of Hillary's non-incident during her 96 trip to Bosnia wasn't her flagrant and almost sociopathic lying, it was the fact that hubby Bill decided to sacrifice hundreds of thousands of civilians at the hands of the Serbs for Hillary's failed attempt to socialize health care.

- Alice Walker puts Barack Obama on the same level as Martin Luther King, Jr. and Nelson Mandela. I'll let you figure out if that's an appropriate comparison or not.

- In the latest attempt to provoke God into smiting the human race, the "pregnant man" has released pictures indicating "he" and his wife are / were body builders. In related news, your local forecast calls for swarms of locusts, plagues, and a 80% chance of first-born son killings. Take that umbrella!

- In Waycross, GA, police were able to prevent a class of third graders from violently assaulting their teacher. I would of thought the Children of the Corn would have made it past the 3rd grade by now.

If you're nice, I will post again later tonight. If you're not nice, you'll have to wait until I'm bored at work again, which will be tomorrow morning sometime.