Fatty McFatbutt

Not actual fat guy mentioned in the story...

What is this world coming to when a 400 lb murder suspect looses 100 lbs in prison and then SUES the prison? When I first read this headline on Durdge I tried to guess which state he is from. It was pretty easy to narrow it down to somewhere in the Southeast. After that it got a little trickier. It could be Mississippi where they fry anything including murderers. Also, Louisiana since there are plenty of ambulance chasers that would gladly take on this case. However, there was only one true state that this could happen in…Arkansas. The armpit of everything.

Turns out Fatty McDougal (not his real name) is accused of stabbing some dude then burning his house down. Real class act. Now, since I am going to law school in a couple months, I guess I should say that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. However, it seems like Mr. Fatty is as guilty as OJ (but he isn’t a world class football player and can’t afford Johnny Cochran).

So what is the problem with the food? Well it isn’t enough. Turns out Fatty got that way because he ate too much. Now when he only consumes 3,000 calories (normal diet consist of 2,000) a day he gets a little light headed when he stands up in his cell. Maybe he should have thought about that when he continually stabbed someone to death, then burned his house down. Maybe that guy would like to sue Fatty for making him a little light headed and dead.

I digress...Fatty states in his complaint that,

"If we are in a small pod all day (and) do next to nothing for physical exercise, we should not lose weight,"

Well Fatty McFats must have gone to knife stabbing 101 instead of nutrition since most smart people realize that if you decrease the number of calories you intake…you are bound to loose weight and no physical activity is needed to accomplish this. If you go from eating 8,000 calories a day to 3,000 calories a day…that is some massive weight loss.

So instead of suing the prison system Fatty, you should be sending them a thank you note for getting you in shape enough to maybe…just maybe…being able to see your toes when you stand up. Something that you probably haven’t been able to do since 3rd grade.

To help out people like Fatty McBisquitthighs here is a random nutritional fact:

Hardees’s 2/3lb Monster Thickburger

1,420 calories, 108g of fat, 2,770mg of sodium

Might want to stay clear of that one.