Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

From The Charlotte Observer:

A newlywed couple spent the night in separate jail cells - she in her wedding gown - after police said they brawled with each other, then members of another wedding party, at a suburban Pittsburgh hotel.

Talk about the honeymoon being over. Normally, I wouldn't think that much of some crazy bride beating up her new husband and a couple innocent bystanders, but there's something special about this story.

First, if you read the article, the police arrived to find the bride knocked to the floor as a result of a "karate" kick from the groom. How pissed do you have to be at someone to actually karate kick them? I could understand a shove or even a punch, but a karate kick? There's something more to this story that we're not getting. Was the bride really a post-op trans-gender and it just told the groom? Personally, I can't think of any situation that would prompt me to go that apeshit on my new wife.

Second, when two guests from another wedding showed up to help the karate-kicked bride, she started wailing on them, even throwing metal planters at the would-be rescuers. What the hell is in the water in Pittsburgh?

My theory - the martial arts groom is a dentist, and I can tell you from personal experience, dentists are some of the weirdest, chemically imbalanced people on the planet. Aside from the OCD and oral fixation a dentist develops (or already has) from dental school, these people look at teeth all day and have to pretend like they don't smell horrible breath. Who wouldn't be crazy after just one day of that?

But the story does have a happy ending, kind of. The bride refused a restraining order, and the happy couple left jail the next morning, albeit separately. She was still in her wedding dress.