Showing posts with label Bad Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Movies. Show all posts

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Linsay Lohan...Naked...but you have to watch a crappy movie to see it


It is about time that Lindsay Lohan turns over a new leaf. To portray herself as a “serious actress” she has decided to star in an indie film for only $80,000. Great, right? Well not exactly, this film has her getting completely neked. As a heterosexual male, I am not complaining. However, it begs the question…how does getting naked make you a serious actress? Is it harder to act while naked? To me, one has no bearing (hahahaha…the pun was intended) on the other. But what would I know…I enjoy movies like Fast and the Furious and Toy Soldiers.

This is like me dressing up like a nerd so I will be taken more seriously as a student without actually doing any homework. Without the homework, I am not a better student. Maybe instead of showing off what God gave her (again, I am not recommending this)…she should enroll in some acting classes. (I Googled one for her incase she reads the blog). She should also watch the dork on Bravo that ask stupid questions of actors and then laughs weird. That would probably help.

And finally if she wants to be a better actor…she should just stop acting, which in itself is the best thing that she could do for her career. No movie is better than her performance in "I Know Who Killled Me". (Named the worst movie of last year). Go get ‘em kiddo.

Monday, January 21, 2008

The CIA Should Watch More Movies

According to PC World, the CIA recently revealed that hackers can and already have infiltrated the networks of power stations and shut down power to various cities across the globe. Um, thanks CIA. The rest of the world figured this out this past summer when super cop John McClain had to leave his cushy retirement community in Palm Beach and yet again save America from almost certain destruction.

Yes, I know it was just a movie, and that as much I wish John McClain was a real person, he's not. But, with all this new technology and what not, the far-fetched schemes of Hollywood magic are becoming more and more possible.

For example, take the 1996 sci-fi Marlon Brando vehicle The Island of Dr. Moreau. The movie is horrible, so don't waste your time watching it. Here's what you need to know - Marlon Brando is a fat, mad scientist that splices animal and human DNA. Impossible, right? It would never happen. Well, last week some other mad scientists actually did it. We're still a couple years away from little rat-man butlers (got to see the movie to get that one), but believe you me, it's coming.

So, in an effort to increase the country's security, I propose that the CIA start watching action and spy movies in an effort to get a leg-up on would-be terrorists, crazed computer geeks, mad scientists, and world-conquering aliens. Here's a quick list of my recommendations:

- Obviously, all the Die Hard movies. We would get hundreds of ideas on how to protect sky scrapers, keep pro-South American dictators and their traitor friends from taking over airports and crashing British airliners, prevent revenge-filled Germans from stealing gold...You get the idea.
- All seasons of 24. Enough said.
- Anything with Chuck Norris - these are all bonus movies. Not only do you get top-notch intel on what stupid Arab terrorists are going to do, but great martial arts instruction to boot.
- James Bond movies - this is more for the crazy, rogue billionaire angle. You might think it's far-fetched, but one of these days, we're going to wake up and see a headline line like, "Bill Gates' Unleashes Merciless Robot Army on Nations' Bullies."
- Independence Day - if there's one thing we can take from this movie, it's that when all else fails, drunk-rednecks can save the day.

And the list could go on. On an unrelated note, it seems that some people get upset over the weekend when D&F does not update as much as during the week. For this, I apologize. During the week, William and I often spend a good amount of the day at paying jobs, surfing the net because our jobs aren't that great. Thus, we have plenty of time to find silly stories on the Internet and make fun of stupid people. On the weekends, I watch football, make and / or drink beer, and spend time with my beautiful wife, which leaves very little time for me to blog. The making and subsequent drinking of beer is very time consuming, FYI.

Anyway, have a good Monday. I'll be back later today.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

How Many Have You Seen?

Rotten Tomatoes is a website that reviews movies. They have recently published their list of the worst reviewed movies ever. How many have you seen? Thankfully I have not seen any of the top 10. However I still want to know how Babel did not make the list....that movie sucked. There seems to be a common thread...movies that have men dressing up as women do not fair too well (Norbit, Juwanna Man, Boat Trip, Big Mamma's House 2). As always...comment on your thoughts.