TSTWBTAT

TSTWBTAT for December 11, 2007

In stupid world record news:
Impressive and pointless at the same time.

In Mars rover news:
Should have gone with Energizer.

In DVD news:
Out on DVD today

In fruit fly news:
Finally...there is a cure for fruit fly homosexuality. I was really tired of being hit on by dude fruit flies.

In crappy news:
100 hours stuck inside a bathroom...except the Brits call it a lavatory.

In what can only be described as a victory for America:
Al "Chicken Little" Gore will not serve in the next administration.

Pop Culture Breaking News: Bob Sawyer Kills OMG

In what can only be described as a ruthless and cunning surprise attack, Bob Sawyer (aka Daddo) killed the text messaging mainstay 'OMG.' Bob, an unemployed 60-year old, unleashed his merciless killing on the popular blog Dink and Flicka in the comments section of "Johnny Mac Turns 60." It is unclear at this time what Bob's exact motivations were, but experts familiar with the details of the slaying report that Bob is a recovering expat who probably took his frustrations with American pop culture out on the innocent text phrase.

In a press conference following the murder, pop culture experts explained that when any white, middle-aged (or above) male use a pop culture phrase, it immediately dies. OMG joins the ranks of fallen pop culture communication icons such as the fist pump, 'don't go there', 'talk to the hand,' and 'you go girl.'

Out of respect for the family of OMG, they requested that everyone in the English speaking world stop using the phrase.

Christmas Gift of the Day

I am going to preform a HUGE public service for all the ladies out there trying to figure out what to get their guys for Christmas. I-Pods, HDTV's, Guitar Hero...the list goes on and on. However none of those gifts truly express how much you love them.

That is where The Man Groomer comes in. They might not actually say they want it, but just assume that this little gizmo is at the top of every guys list. How many times have we said to ourselves..."I wish there was a device where I could look like a total tool and shave my back at the same time." Well the day has arrived where that can happen. For only $39.99 you are able to look like that guy in the picture.

If the name alone isn't awesome enough for you to purchase it...here are some advantages that the Man Groomer has over waxing (taken straight off their website):

• Waxing hurts!
• Waxing rips the hair right out of your body.
• Need someone else to apply the wax and rip it off your back with your hair – ouch!
• Expensive! Usually costs between $40 - $80 a session and you may need 3 to 4 a month.
• Need to make appointments at salons or spas.

Wow...cant argue with that. I would also probably add to the list it is incredibly womanly. So I will go ahead and assume you will thank me for this little PSA so you are welcome. Enjoy the Man Groomer.

Review of Breckenridge

I spent the past weekend in Breckenridge, Colorado. To say the least it was a very quick trip. I flew into Denver Friday night and was "wheels down in Nashville" (the name of my country song that hasnt been written yet) Sunday night. Saturday and Sunday were spent trying not to break anything.

Overall it was a great trip. We stayed in a condo complex (Grand Timber Lodge) that was ski-in sorta ski-out (there was a trail we got ski down but it stopped in a parking lot and we had to walk a little bit). Grand Timber had 6 huge hot tubs that provided some nice relaxation after a tough day of green runs...or black, whatever you fancy. They didnt really offer any type of breakfast service (at least that I knew of) so we had to make due with rations (granola bars) until lunch. Like any big time resort in North America they had plenty too choose from when it came to food/lodges on the mountain.

Saturday was a bit rough. It snowed all day and for some reason they were making snow at the same time. The effect was brutal on your face. Since it is the beginning of the season they did not have the entire mountain open so that limited what we could do. We made the most of it and besides the ice pellets hitting our face it was a good first day. Breck does a nice job in sectioning off the trails on the mountain. We had some novice skiers in our group and they had a lift that was dedicated to only green runs (Quicksilver 6). Then they had some nice lifts that serviced all terrain so the group could go up together and meet at the bottom. Most of the difficult stuff was not open Saturday but Sunday they opened the gates.

Sunday turned out to be great. Fresh snow on the ground, I was on the first lift of the day and they opened some harder stuff. Icing on the cake was the sun decided to make an appearance. Very few things top a blue sky day when you ski. I stayed mostly on Peak 7 and 8 and by the end of the day I was feeling it. They did not open the very top bowls before I left and I was hoping they would. I made due with what was available and it made for a great trip. Sadly though, I had to pack up around 1:30pm to get ready to head back to Denver.

A word to the wise. When you attempt to drive to Denver Sunday afternoon from Breckenridge...give yourself about an extra 2 hours. The drive sucks. Another word to the wise. I flew Frontier...they are great. Not only do you get a cool animal picture on your tail, you get 24 channels of DirecTV (you don't get that on Southwest). You also get a seat assignment (something else you don't get on Southwest).

So, my advice to the faithful readers of D&F. If you are ever out in that area of Colorado, give Breakenridge a try. Not my favorite place to ski, but it is very good especially when you get good weather.

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P.S. Do not ski with blue jeans on. For some reason, people feel this is an appropriate thing to do. If you fall once (which happens to everyone) your day is ruined because now your pants are wet and you are going to be freezing...and you look like an idiot because you have wet pants on.

Tebow Wins Heisman, but.....

First off, Congratulations to Tim. He's a great quarterback and certainly deserves the honor. However, there is one thing that I cannot let go. Tim Tebow has the Heisman, a national championship, and has a very good chance of winning another one. He'll no doubt be a first-round draft, if not the #1 draft.

But Tim Tebow has not beat Auburn, and provided Auburn and Florida do not end up in the SEC championship, he never will. It's a small consolation prize - kinda like Auburn was the only team to beat national championship Gators last year.

Yeah, it's petty to point something like this out. But I think it's only fair considering how the ESPN commentators couldn't stop singing his praises. You'd think he was the 2nd coming based on the stuff those yahoos were saying.

Oh well - Congratulations Tim, and WAR DAMN EAGLE!

Johnny Mac is 60 (Not the Tennis Player)

From Guest Commentator B1 -

December Birthdays ...

Happy Birthday John McCullough! Our buddy John has had a trying year .. Mikey got married to the beautiful Becky; Jeremy met the beautiful Amy and now they're engaged; Sean moved home and out again (with a dude! - he is also wearing his Mom's clothes to a party in NYC!!!); John had major work completed in the house (nice HDTV!); Lake Lanier dried up and he lost out on defending Michael Vick. On top of all this he damn near lost an eye and turns 60 this month (much older than his beautiful wife, his best friend and the beautiful Susan).

So to cheer him up I thought we could all chip in and buy him a diamond studded eye patch to wear out to dinner when the prospective in-laws (Amy's) come to town later this month. Obviously if Sean McCullough lends him some of the jewelry he typically wears on a Saturday night our buddy John could be the hit of New Years Eve.

Are you with me on this?????

The Best Skier

I was in town for lunch today and thought that is would be nice to go out with Mom, Dad and Sean. We went and picked up Mom at work and met all of her co-workers and went to some Mexican restuarant downtown. It was a very pleasant time...until Sean decided to break the tranquilty.

I am going skiing this weekend in Breckenridge, CO and Sean decided to let everyone know that he thinks he is the best skier in the family. This statement could not be any further from the truth. Following is photographic evidence of his crappiness on the slopes:

The top picture is actually Sean getting ready to ski...it is not any indication of his skiing ability but it looks pretty freaking funny. These next two pictures are of Sean and myself doing the exact same jump...you be the judge as to who is better:

In all honesty...Sean is a great skier, but I couldn't let these pictures go to waste. I am sure there will be some great pictures of me this weekend looking like an idiot...but I will just delete those. Have a great weekend and I will see you back on Monday.

Babs Walters: Insane + Idiotic = Fascinating

From ABC news.com

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/Story?id=3948323&page=1

Last night, Barbara Walters unveiled her 2007 10 Most Fascinating People list, complete with interviews with the "winners". This year, the simple mind of Barbara was "fascinated" by the likes of Justin Timberlake, the Beckhams, Bill Clinton, the creators of MySpace, Katherine Heigl, and Don Imus. Yes, I know that's only 8. Also in the list is my personal favorite Soon-to-Be Despot, Hugo Chavez. Babs was fascinated by the man who claims to drink 20 cups of coffee a day (Huh?)

Here's some other fascinating things Chavez has done:

1. Shutting down TV and radio stations that are critical of Chavez's policies

2. Nationalizing (aka stealing) industries to increase his own wealth

3. Being BFF with Castron and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

And the list goes on.

Why is this guy fascinating? He's insane. He exploits the fears and desires of poor people so that he can feed his power-hungry ego. He thinks socialism is a good idea (that's where the idiocy part come in). His version of diplomacy is to result to 2nd grade name calling contests. What is that?

My favorite part of the interview is how Walters doesn't mention the rampant election fraud that put Chavez in office. Millions (that's 6 zeroes) of dead people voted in his last election. But that doesn't matter - let's help legitimize this nut job by putting him on American television.

P.S. - I didn't bother finding out of the most fascinating person was. My brain hurts from trying to figure this one out.

The Chick-fil-A Bowl (AKA The Peach Bowl)

In a continuing effort to bring you up to speed on this years bowl games, today we feature one of the most prestigious bowls outside the BCS bowls. Of course we are speaking of the Peach Bowl or as it is now known The Chick-fil-A Bowl.

This game has been in existence since 1968. It was first played on the campus of Georgia Tech and later on the sacred grounds of Atlanta Fulton County Stadium (home of the 1995 World Series Champion Atlanta Braves). Since 1992 The Georgia Dome has played host to the game that pits an ACC team against a SEC team. You might be wondering how much mooo-la (get it...because Cows are the spokesanimal for Chick-fil-A. I am hilarious) Chick-fil-A shelled out to have their name on the bowl...well $22 million for five years to be exact.

This year the ACC is throwing Clemson up to play the SEC's Auburn Tigers. I realize that this blog is clearly unbiased towards who they cheer for in college football...but looking at this objectively Auburn is going to crush Clemson. Clemson comes into the game ranked 15h and Auburn is the at a respectable 21st. Clemson will get roughly $3.25 million while Auburn will only get $2.4 million (going off last years numbers). The reason for the difference is that the ACC gives the committee first choice of teams after the BCS decides and the SEC gives them 5th choice.

I am not sure but this could be the first year that both head coaches are named Tommy and were both mentioned as possible successors to Houston Nutt at Arkansas...so a little history for ya. Since 1993 the SEC has won 7 games while the ACC has taken 8. Another little piece of travia for you; NC State and Clemson are tied at 7 for most appearances by a team. Auburn will be playing in its 4th Chick-fil-A Bowl.

If that is not enough insight into the Chick-fil-A Bowl for you, ESPN.com has a great article that describes how the committee picked Clemson and Auburn. It is kinda long, but very interesting. It shows you that the most deserving team doesn't always get picked and why.

Be sure to tune into ESPN December 31 at 7:30pm Eastern to catch Auburn and Clemson.

Fortune Telling Gypsies Sue Each Other

From My Way News:

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071205/D8TBG0DG1.html

Two gypsy clans in California have a little feud going. It has all the traditional makings of a feud - death threats, vandalism, graveside scuffles, and tons of other fun things. Apparently, this feud has become so heated, that the court system is getting involved.

I could go on for quite sometime with all the hilarious material contained in this story, but there's really only one question that needs to be asked: If they're fortune telling gypsies, shouldn't they already know how this is going to end?

TSTWBTAT

TSTWBTAT for December 6, 2007

In bringing back the dead news:
He basically lied about being dead and now he is arrested for fraud. So moral of the story...next time you die, make sure your dead.

In a major waste of prime real estate news:
Usually when the UN hails anything America does it is bad news for America.

In awesome video game news:
A pretty good review of "Rock Band"

In ungrateful former Atlanta Braves players news:
Goodbye Andruw Jones...have fun in LA...hopefully you can do a little better than the Mendoza line for the Dodgers.

In 24 news:
Even Jack Bauer can’t escape a DUI conviction. Hopefully there will be no catastrophic terrorist plots in the next 48 days that conclude after exactly 24 hours.

In political news:
Huckabee takes a 3 point lead in the latest Rasmussen poll.

The Sheraton Hawaii Bowl Game

In a couple weeks people from all over the United States and the world will sit in front of their televisions (hopefully HDTV's) and partake in the watching of the NCAA bowl games.

I decided to take a look at the schedule and pick a bowl game that really is quite useless. A game that really serves no purpose but to give the student athletes a free vacation and some SWAG (stuff we all get). Today's distinction goes to the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl. The kids from Boise State (ranked 24th preseaon) and Eastern Carolina will be living it up in Honolulu.

The slobernocker (Jim Ross anyone??) will kick off at 8pm EST December 23 on ESPN. If half the seats at Aloha Stadium (50,000 seat capacity) are filled I will be impressed. For the most part the Conference USA, Pac-10 and WAC rotate filling the spots.

The most interesting part of the crappy bowl games are how much each team gets in payouts. Last year Hawaii and Arizona State put a cool $398,000 in their pocket...I would assume this year will be close to that number. And if you are wondering who the co-MVP was last year...it was Daddo's (aka Lance, B1, Jimmy) favorite quarterback Colt Brennan. For you degenerate gamblers out there...Boise State is an 11 point favorite.

So sit back and watch in dazzling HD as the college football bowl season begins. Here is to hoping that the BCS is destroyed and Auburn prevails.

Bobby's Rant of the Day

Apparently, ABC wants it's viewers to know it's good to be dangerously ignorant. If you're really stupid and have no problem letting people know just how little you know, than does ABC have a job for you.

From foxnews.com:

The new co-host of "The View," Sherri Shepherd, insisted Tuesday that Christianity was older than ancient Greece, and even Judaism

When confronted with this error, she insisted that Christians were around in Ancient Greece, and they threw them [the Christians] to the lions. Also, nothing predates Christianity.

The biggest problem with this is that if she really thinks nothing predates Christianity, than she obviously doesn't even know the history of Christianity. How can you be a Christian and not know the basics of your religion? I guess you can if you're an idiot. If this was the first time this woman had said something completely idiotic, maybe I could chalk it up to being nervous in front of the camera. But it isn't. This is the same woman who, earlier this year, didn't know if the world was round or flat.

Go ahead, read that again if you need to. Don't dwell on it, though. Your ears will start to bleed after 4 minutes or so.

And let's not forget about Rosie's tenure on The View. While on a 9/11 conspiracy kick, Rosie was amazed that the the fire in the World Trade Center could melt metal. Her quote went something like - "For the first time in history, fire metal melted." It'd be funny if she wasn't being serious.

Thank you, ABC, for making me waste precious drinking time on Repeal Day ranting about the idiots you decide to put on the air. Oh, and by the way, what's up with the obsession with commentators / reporters with speech impediments? Barbara Walters? Lou Holtz? Do you know how painful it is to listen to these people?

Even Better News for Auburn

Brandon Cox has only one more game as an Auburn football player. This is huge. Not just for me, but for my TV remote, which has been super-glued back together at least four different times this year alone (South Florida, Mississippi State, LSU, and Georgia).

Great News For Auburn

Coach Tommy Tuberville has agreed to a contract extension that will sign him through 2013. This is great news for The Auburn Tigers. Tommy is one of the most successful coaches not only in the SEC but in the nation since joining Auburn in 1999. He is the only coach in Auburn history to beat Alabama 6 times.

While I am sure that Tommy used the rumor mill to his advantage, he deserves whatever Auburn is paying him (somewhere around $3.3 million a year). Now lets go win a national championship. Auburn Tigers National Champions 2009.

TSTWBTAT

TSTWBTAT for December 5, 2007:

In tree hugger news:
NBC News anchor Brian Williams picks Mother Nature as Person Of The Year...good thing they don’t listen to him.

In its time to get a life news:
Michael Newdow is trying again to ban the pledge. Thank you Mr. Newdow for your heroic efforts so kids won’t have to say "God".

In French news:
France telecom giant Orange sells 30,000 I-Phones in 5 days...France immediately surrenders to Apple.

In the Hollywood writers strike news:
Reruns of Dexter could be making a move to CBS.

In perfect timing news:
Driving instructor is suing the makers of Borat.

In apparent oxymoron news:
It’s alright to be fat...just be fit. What?

In sexually suggestive headline writing news:
Business Week Headline writers must have been on strike.

Celebrate Repeal Day Responsibly

For you non-US Constitution buffs out there, today marks the 74th anniversary of the passing of the 21st Amendment. Perhaps the best amendment ever, the 21st repealed the stupid (and worst amendment ever) 18th amendment - nationwide prohibition. So if you are of legal age and enjoy some firewater every now and then, lift your glass and toast our country's victory over stupidity and the brilliance that is the US Constitution.

On a more philosophical note, the 18th Amendment is a prime example of why the people should not rely on the government to fix every single social (and personal) problem in their lives. When you ask the government to do something, the majority of the time, it's going to end up costing 136 times as much as if you tried to solve the problem in the private sector, and the end result is not going to be what you originally wanted.

Furthermore, the Constitution does not need to be amended every single time a new social trend pops up. The Constitution is a framework and set of principles for the laws of the country, not a record of the laws themselves. That's the criminal code. Accordingly, amendments to the Constitution need to be reserved for the things that are fundamental to America's greatness - free speech, freedom of religion, the trial process, no slavery, and my second favorite amendment - #3 - no quartering of soldiers in private houses. If I had a nickel for every time I had to whip that bad boy out, I would be poor. Very, Very poor.

This concludes the civic lesson for the day. Remember to celebrate Repeal Day responsibly. I will be enjoying the latest batch of Irish Red home brew with my beautiful wife Katie tonight in honor of the day.

Parent Of The Year Nominee

This story is about as low as it gets. Celia Magee is a 15 year old parent. Believe it or not, she is not up for the award, it is her mother...29 year old Leticia Magee. Leticia got pregnant at 13 and had Celia at 14. So, we have a 15 year old mother and a 29 year old grandma. So far a top notch family here.

Leticia not wanting to impart any responsibility on her daughter whatsoever had this pearl of wisdom:

"She always urged Celia to tell her if she was having sex so she could arrange birth control for her."

Wow...great job Leticia. There's strike one. However it gets better. You might wonder where the father is in all of this. Is he gainfully employed? Probably not seeing how he was just allowed to legally go to PG-13 movies by himself. The story had this:

"She and Russell’s dad are not together. They are more like friends."

I can only imagine what Celia's note to Russell's dad said...maybe something like this (be sure to read it in a little girls voice):

"Hehehe...I am pregnant with your child. Will you go out with? Circle Yes or No. If not will you be my friend. Hehehe."

So when your 14 year gets pregnant and you finally are ready to teach her some responsibility what do you do? Well Leticia used the tried and true method. If you get good grades you can get "inked":

"One, which winds down her forearm, reads “Tish,” her mom’s nickname. Another, below her shoulder, reads “Manica Magee,” which is the teen’s rap name. Leticia told the girl she could get inked if she kept her grades up. They went to Chicago to get it done. “She earned them,” Leticia said, nodding her head."

Are you freaking kidding me? She "earned" tattoos. She is 14 years old!!! But have no fear...you did read that correct...Celia is a budding rapper. I would love to get a hold of some of her rhymes. They are probably magical.

Leticia does say one thing that is semi responsible of her:

"I am sometimes too much of a friend than a parent."

And just when we thought maybe the 29 year old grandmother was starting to be a parent again...she hits us with this gem:

"Everybody’s gotta make their own decisions and your own choices, too. But she’s cool. She’s gonna be all right.”

Yes...she is cool. Nothing screams "cool" like having a baby at 14. I think if there is ever a case for sterilization it is this one. Letcia could be the best parent ever and they are just faking us out. However, I highly doubt it considering the following:

1. Instead of teaching her child that sex is something that 13 or 14 year olds should not engage in...she encouraged it by offering her child birth control
2. Is a self proclaimed friend and not a parent
3. Used tattoos as a incentive for good grades

Do we need any further proof that this woman is not fit to be a parent. I pray that her other children have some other influence in their life that will act as a positive role model. This story is incredibly sad...she is so clueless as how to be a parent...it is ridiculous. Hopefully Celia will be a better mother to her child.

Congratulations Letecia Magee for being nominated D&F Parent/Grandparent of the Year!!!!

Another Reason Why Canada Sucks

The next time your sitting there and thinking, 'Man, I wish I lived in Canada. I would have government provided health care, a lower population density, and I could use the metric system everyday,' just remember this - Canada does not have TiVo. Or at least they won't have TiVo until December 7th of this year. Apparently, up until this point, the super socialist government of Canada didn't think their citizens needed or wanted the luxury of digital video recording. What else is Canada 10 years behind the US on?

I always thought Canadians moved to the US for the better economic opportunities. Man, was I wrong. Coming south is like driving through a time machine for these poor, unfortunate people.

The Men and Women of America's Armed Forces

While chowing down on a good ol' #13 Regular on white from Jersey Mike's, I saw a news story that, no matter how many times I see a version of it, never fails to completely baffle me. In the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts, people had placed American flags on overpasses in support of our military - some were just general support while others were placed in memory of a fallen hero. Apparently, not everyone in the PR of MA like the military because the flags were taken down. I really didn't pay too much attention after that because these stories always have the same details. In light of this, I post the following anecdote. According to the e-mail I received, it was in a speech given by Mike Huckabee back in March. Whether or not it's true, I have no idea. It is a good story and should at least remind you of the men and women who make the sacrfice so that the ones they love don't have to.

Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks out of her classroom. When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks.

Looking around, confused, they asked, 'Ms. Cothren, where're our desks?' She replied, 'You can't have a desk until you tell me what you have done to earn the right to sit at a desk.'

They thought, 'Well, maybe it's our grades.'

'No,' she said.

'Maybe it's our behavior.'

She told them, 'No, it's not even your behavior.'

And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period. Still no desks in the classroom. By early afternoon television news crews had started gathering in Ms. Cothren's classroom to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.

The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the deskless classroom, Martha Cothren said, 'Throughout the day no one has been able to tell me just what he/she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now I am going to tell you.'

At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it. Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans, all in uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall.

By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned.

Martha said, 'You didn't earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you. Now, it's up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get an education. Don't ever forget it.'

This Day In History

From www.history.com/this-day-in-history.do


On this day in 1991, Islamic militants in Lebanon release kidnapped American journalist Terry Anderson after 2,454 days in captivity. As chief Middle East correspondent for the Associated Press, Anderson covered the long-running civil war in Lebanon (1975-1990). On March 16, 1985, he was kidnapped on a west Beirut street while leaving a tennis court. His captors took him to the southern suburbs of the city, where he was held prisoner in an underground dungeon for the next six-and-a-half years.

Anderson was one of 92 foreigners (including 17 Americans) abducted during Lebanon's bitter civil war. The kidnappings were linked to Hezbollah, or the Party of God, a militant Shiite Muslim organization formed in 1982 in reaction to Israel’s military presence in Lebanon. They seized several Americans, including Anderson, soon after Kuwaiti courts jailed 17 Shiites found guilty of bombing the American and French embassies there in 1983. Hezbollah in Lebanon received financial and spiritual support from Iran, where prominent leaders praised the bombers and kidnappers for performing their duty to Islam.

U.S. relations with Iran--and with Syria, the other major foreign influence in Lebanon--showed signs of improving by 1990, when the civil war drew to a close, aided by Syria's intervention on behalf of the Lebanese army. Eager to win favor from the U.S. in order to promote its own economic goals, Iran used its influence in Lebanon to engineer the release of nearly all the hostages over the course of 1991.

Anderson returned to the U.S. and was reunited with his family, including his daughter Suleme, born three months after his capture. In 1999, he sued the Iranian government for $100 million, accusing it of sponsoring his kidnappers; he received a multi-million dollar settlement.

Parking Lot Vultures

With the holiday season upon us, I am reminded of why I have vowed never to go near a mall or mass retail establishment between Thanksgiving and Martin Luther King Jr. Day - parking lot vultures. No, not the birds that eat carcasses. I'm talking about the people who sit in the middle of the lane waiting for someone to unload their purchased products in the hopes of getting a parking spot closer to the store. The vultures seem to lack a normal concept of time and situational awareness, often waiting for a ridiculous amount of time and letting several cars backup behind them.

In an effort to make the shopping experience somewhat less stressful, I propose the following guidelines for parking lot etiquette during the holiday season:

1. It's not going to kill you to walk the extra 20 yards. Chances are, if you're so hell bent on getting a spot next to the front door of the store, you're lazy to begin with and could use a little exercise.

2. If you absolutely must have that rock star parking spot, use a little common sense when waiting for it. Is someone just starting to unload their booty and still has to return the cart? Move on. Is it a really old person who's going to drive slow and take a really long time to do anything? Move on.

3. Finally, if there's some sort of medical reason why you need to park closer to the building than everyone else - broken leg, handicap, too fat - go get a handicap sticker and you can enjoy the best parking spots of all. Of course, if you have a handicap sticker and aren't actually handicap, that's just plain lazy.

Have a nice day.

Comment of the Day

Yesterday...loyal reader MikeyMc50 left the following comment on The Blind Item of the Weekend post:

"This is just silly. I’ve forgotten more about college football then you will ever know in your lifetime, son. Not to mention that I have a two drink maximum when making bets, everything is null and void after. B put this in place after she caught me making bets on Solitaire with my online World of Warcraft buddies. Besides, everyone knows you don’t accept singles for payment since Washington wasn’t a Republican."

It takes a big man to admit to betting on Solitaire with his World of Warcraft buddies...uhhh nerd. Congrats Mikey for having The Comment Of The Day or The Floyd Landis Award.

You Named Your Kid What? Continued...

While spending time in Atlanta this past weekend the conversation obviously turned toward the Georgia Bulldogs and their shot at stepping into the BCS National Championship Game. That conversation turned into my Dad (known on this site as Jimmy, B1, Daddo and sometimes anonymous) saying he loved Knowshon Moreno ever since he saw Vandy and Georgia play a couple months back.

Trying to figure out how his name came about my Mom did a little digging and found this website. The blogmaster of that site tracked down Knowshon's grandmother who gave us this little tidbit:

"When I was pregnant with his mother I picked up the name Varashon from a character in a short story I was reading at the time. When Varashon had Knowshon, she just took part of her name and added the `Know' for knowledge."

From what I have heard about Knowshon he is a pretty bright student who happens to be an incredible foosball player. I am sure if you haven't heard of him before you will when Georgia plays powerhouse Hawaii in the Sugar Bowl (Thanks BSC Committee for that one).

TSTWBTAT

TSTWBTAT for December 4, 2007:

In national debt news:
Thanks idiotic politicians who spend our money like its nothing.

In chimpanzees beating pothead college students news:
I tip my hat to you...chimpanzee.

In don't call me late for dinner news:
Man shows up 5 years after being "drowned".

In worst candidate ever news:
Hillary is accusing Obama of wanting to become President in kindergarten...yeah, good move Worst Candidate Ever.

In 1980's technology news:
AT&T will be getting out of the pay phone business.

In NFL news that isn't about Sean Taylor news:
Pats Win...Tom Brady still has a hot girlfriend.

In highly ironic news:
Mafia boss arrested while watching TV of a mafia boss getting arrested...that is rich.

Death to the BCS

This is the last BCS-rant post until the bowl games start. I promise.

I didn't realize it until this morning, but the BCS number 1 team in the country has not played a team ranked higher than 21 in the regular season (ranking based on the week they played). Furthermore, of the four "ranked" teams Ohio State did play (Purdue - 23, Penn State - 25, Wisconsin - 21, and Michigan - 21), only one of them is still ranked (Wisconsin at #18). And let's not forget about the tough out of conference teams like Youngstown State (Div I-AA), Akron (Powerhouse MAC), and Kent State (another powerhouse MAC team).

It's not so much the fact that Ohio State is playing in the National Championship, but that they have been voted the #1 team. They didn't play in a conference championship and they're going to have 50 days between their last game and the BCS Championship game. Ohio State (and LSU for that matter) are in the title game basically because they were in the right place (ranking) at the right time.

I will watch the game and cheer for LSU - love watching the SEC beat up on the Big-10. But I maintain that, once again, the BCS has completely failed to identify the 2 best teams in the nation.

Who Said It?

"So you decide which makes more sense: Entrust our country to someone who is ready on day one ... or to put America in the hands of someone with little national or international experience, who started running for president the day [he or she] arrived in the U.S. Senate,"

Which Democratic Presidential Candidate said this about another Democratic Presidential Candidate?

A) Hillary Clinton said it about Barack Obama

B) Barack Obama said it about Hillary Clinton

Disturbing Story Out of Tuscaloosa

Nick Saban In 5 Years*

Tuscaloosa Alabama (AP) -A seven-year-old Tuscaloosa Alabama boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt; in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Nick Saban and the University of Alabama, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.**

OHHHHHH...Snap.

*Picture courtesy of Michael McCullough

**Story courtesy of Tracy Bradshaw (who supposedly went to Alabama)

Celebrity Parent of the Year

In a recent interview with People.com, Will Smith revealed that his daughter wants to be Paris Hilton.

Read the article: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20163838,00.html.

Things that should concern you and possibly indicate the Apocalypse is closer than we think:

1. A young, black girl wants to grow up and be a white vapid, drug-addicted "woman of the night*"

2. Will Smith doesn't seem to see this as a problem. In fact, he laughs about it. While I don't have children of my own, I plan to someday. And if anything remotely close to "I want to be Paris Hilton**" comes out of my daughters mouth, she will quickly learn what it was like to live before the advent of TV, Internet, cell phones, written word, and if I'm in a really bad mood, indoor plumbing.

3. Paris Hilton is somehow a paradigm of accomplishment. So much so, that other seemingly worthless members of society*** are emulating her path to fame in hopes of getting someone else to write a Wikipedia entry on them.

After reading this article, I almost consider Madonna a decent parent - we all remember when she said she was not going to let her children watch MTV. Ironic considering she has spent the better part of the past 25 years shaking her a-- in front of pre-teen and adolescent children. I guess it's like the cardinal rule of drug dealing - don't use the stuff you sell.

Footnotes-

* - Michael Jackson may be considered the first minority to want to become a shallow, white person, but I'm pretty sure we haven't seen the end game of what has become Michael Jackson's life

** - 'I want to see Paris and stay at the Hilton' would qualify.

*** - Kim Kardashian. Google it, but not if you are under 18, at work, don't want to see offensive material, etc.

Christmas Wish List 2007

To facilitate the giving of gifts this holiday season, I have created this post. Everyone is encouraged to list their top 5 gifts in the comments section. There is no guarantee that if you post something, you will receive it. However, if you're really feeling the Christmas spirit, feel free to surprise someone with a unexpected gift.

To get us started, this is Jimmy's Top 5:

1. Hugo Chavez, while touring an Oil Refinery, falls into an open vat of refined petroleum and drowns

2. Swiss Army Knife

3. Silk bed sheets

4. M 79 grenade launcher

5. 2008 Ryder Cup Tickets

Happy Holidays!