You Named Your Kid What?

So the anonymous commentator pointed out that my nickname is a made up word. I maintain that proper names and nick names are exempt from the non-word - idiot relationship rule. But it got me thinking. There are some first names out there that are absolutely ridiculous.

We've all heard the urban legends about a mother naming her children Orangejello (Orange Jello) and Lemonjello (Lemon Jello). I've never met someone with these names or actually read a reputable account of these infamous children, so I don't think they really exist. The following two names / people, however, do exist.

I read about this little girl in a Virginia paper a few years ago. Her father was a columnist for the paper and had decided to use his column to explain why he named his daughter what he did. Note: when you have to use a newspaper column to explain your kids name, and the column is more complicated than "It means King in our ancestors' language" or something similar, you might want to rethink your name selections. The explanation starts out simple enough - something along the lines of: I thought my daughter was a gift from God and an angel, so I wanted to name her Angel. Nice, thoughtful, heartfelt - maybe a little cheesy, but that's ok. Then it gets worst. For this father, the English pronunciation of 'Angel' was too vulgar and crass. He much preferred the French pronunciation because it sounded better. But how would he convey to people the proper way to say his daughter's name? Simply correcting people would not do, so he decided to phonetically spell the name...on the birth certificate...making it her legal name...forever. Onjel.

The second absolutely ridiculous name comes from a friend of Katie, my wife. This friend is a doctor, and like most doctors, she checks the name of the patient prior to walking into the examination room. The patient's name - Yumajeste. The doctor is confused. She walks into the room and gives the name the old college try, pronouncing the name U-ma-jest. The mother quickly corrects the doctor - "Oh no, my son's name is [Yo majesty]."

True story.