Pelosi: Freedom of Speech Only If I Agree

To put it mildly, Joe Lieberman is somewhat of a sore spot in the Democratic party's side. First, he left the party, and despite the DNC's best effort and lots of money, he managed to win his Senate seat. Now, he's on the campaign trail for McCain and, as such, routinely criticizing Obama.

You've got to respect Joe Lieberman. I don't agree with everything he says or every position he's taken, but he has somehow elevated himself above blind allegiance to the Democratic party. In a stunning example of how politicians should behave, he uses his own beliefs to shape his positions, and he actually stands up for them when it comes time. Unlike many other politicians (Democratic and Republican alike) who all to often change opinions based on public opinion polls or political expediency, Lieberman has a record of sticking to his guns.

Unfortunately, this is not how the Democrats want to run their party. They want Senators and Representatives that essentially function as a rubber stamp vote for whatever the leadership decides is the hot topic issue of the day. Furthermore, they want lock-step support of Obama's candidacy and absolutely no mention of the pesky shortfalls of Obama's past and complete lack of experience.

Lieberman, probably because he's been liberated from the Orwellian control of the DNC, doesn't play by those rules anymore. The Dems and Pelosi, for whatever reason, think they still have some sort of authority over Joe, and are threatening to remove his committee chairmanship as punishment for speaking his mind.

While I'm sure Joe enjoys the position, I don't think that threat is going to do anything to keep him from attacking Obama. I wouldn't be surprised that if the Dems do remove Joe from the chairmanship, he switches from Independent to card-carry Republican.

I find it fascinating that the Democrats who claim to be the party of the people and often support the application of Constitutional rights to the point of absurdity regularly engage in practices and policies that are anything but. They advocate the return of the Fairness Doctrine which is nothing more than government censorship, and they can't stand it when someone says something they disagree with.

Only White-Republicans Are Racist

First off, if I had to pick the number one and most effective way to relay to the world that you are from the South and have absolutely no problem with anything the South has ever done, it would be wearing some form of the Confederate flag on your person. Since I have some slight problems with things the South has done in the past, I elect not to express myself with that particular item.

For those of you playing at home, that's what we like to call freedom of speech and expression.

Because political correctness is becoming more and more a part of America than I would like to admit and since being called a racist is the 21st century equivalent of a leper, the "Stars and Bars" are no longer protected under the 1st Amendment - at least not in the more sophisticated parts of the country.

Jesse Jackson and company boycotted the entire state of South Carolina in order to force them to remove the flag from Charleston (I think). Georgia changed its flag because it contained the "stars and bars". And now some redneck in Tennessee is in a court fight because the school wouldn't let him wear his confederate t-shirt to school.

If we, as a country, want to start letting the thought police run around and ban anything that's offensive to anyone, then so be it. I want t-shirts that idolize the mass murder Che Guevara put on the same list; anything that represents the Black Panthers as well - they advocated mass killings of white people, boys and girls. I could go on and on with examples of clothing that will offend one group or another, but I think you get the idea.

Freedom of speech doesn't mean you have to like what the other guy is saying. In fact, it's been my experience that most people who invoke the power of the First Amendment are certifiable dumb asses, and I disagree with most of what comes out of their mouths. But that doesn't mean we have the right to shut them up. Chances are, they will be seen as the ignorant bigots they are, and people will take what they say with a grain of salt.

All right - sorry for the angry tone of this one. It's a pet peeve. Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow.

Bobby Goes to Law School

So I start law school today. Well, I start orientation, and classes start on Monday. I'm expecting not to have much time to blog over the course of the next 3 years, but we'll see how it goes. Maybe I'll have some free time. My wife thinks otherwise.

Thanks for reading and leaving comments.

Humans Have Always Been Nature's Jerks

Did you know that there used to be 260-pound kangaroos running around? Granted, I have no idea how much "normal" sized kangaroo weighs (and I don't want to Google it), but the idea of a kangaroo that weighs more than me is somewhat unsettling.

Fortunately, our ancestors felt the same way and took it upon themselves to totally kill every single one of those giant pouch-having 'roos'. Additionally mankind apparently killed off other freaky animals like a wombat the size of a rhinoceros and some sort of Dr. Moreau inspired mix of a leopard and kangaroo. My opinion - most of these freaks were believed to inhabit Tasmania (the island off Africa's east coast), or as I like to call it - God's "oopsy" island.

If you didn't take the time to read the riveting article, the previous theory was that climate change caused the demise of these giant versions of modern creatures. Turns out, man hunted them to extinction. Or at least that's what one scientist is saying.

I don't care what killed the giant kangaroos and wombats. I'm kind of glad they're not around anymore.

Breaking News: John Edwards Still Full of S#$&

I didn't watch John Edwards' little confession last Friday for two reasons. One, it wasn't a confession. Based solely on his little hide and seek game in a LA hotel, I would have called up 'Cheaters' and started writing my unauthorized biography of the love child.

Two, because it's John Edwards, I knew his statement would be an exercise in self-indulgent crap that somehow tried to rationalize having an affair while your wife is dying of cancer is just like forgetting to pay for the newspaper - a minor mistake that everyone makes at some point in their life.

I wasn't disappointed. We got gems like "I was 99% honest" and "I...became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic." The later statement is interesting - I really don't see how two miserable failures at the Presidency and one failed shot at Vice-President would make someone narcissistic and egocentric unless he was already a pompous ass...Oh, wait...I get it now.

Fox News decided to do some investigating into Edwards' claim that the affair was short lived, and shockingly enough, it appears the ambulance chaser is still not being 100% honest - I guess we're up to 99.4% honesty. I didn't bother reading the details because like the first attempts at denial, I don't believe a single word Edwards says.

Oh well - I guess we're stuck with this for at least the next week or so until the next little white girl goes missing or a hurricane / earthquake / rock formation falling apart renews claims that global warming is only 3 months away from destroying the planet.

Now It All Makes Sense

From Foxnews.com:

TEHRAN, Iran — Iranian media are quoting the country's vice president as saying Iranians are "friends of all people in the world — even Israelis."

Well, that gives new meaning to the phrase "With friends like you, who needs enemies?"

Vice President Esfandiar Rahim Mashai was sure to tell reporters that just because Israel and Iran are friends, that doesn't mean Iran recognizes the legitimacy of Israel. So I guess Israel is Iran's imaginary friend.

Whatever.

Mohammed Liked Them Young

The First Amendment is an absolutely brilliant piece of legal work. Considering that lawyers are known for being overly verbose, the simplicity of the First Amendment compared to the complexity of its far-reaching implications is nothing short of amazing. I have a hard time deciding which amendment I like better - the First or the Twenty-First. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Anyway, our country has gone to great lengths to ensure that every citizen's First Amendment rights are rigorously protected - to the point of allowing speech that the majority of the population would find offensive and inflammatory. Granted, the PC movement has done much to rid "offensive statements" from everyday speech, but that doesn't stop countless books, magazines, comedians, and several other outlets from pushing the buttons of various groups of people.

That is, until the radical end of Islam figured out how to abuse and exploit political correctness while throwing in a side of violence and death threats. In the latest example of fear preventing the publication prophet Mohammed-related material, Random House has indefinitely postponed a book about Mohammed and his 6-year old bride, entitled The Jewel of Medina by Sherry Jones. I guess in the spirit of this, I will 'indefinitely postpone' comments about pedophilia...

The only part of radical Islam that threatens the American way of life more than this widespread intolerance is their seemingly hairpin trigger for violent reactions and affinity for issuing fataw's against anyone and everyone who dares criticize or even draw a picture of Mohammed. Interestingly enough, the two seem to follow each other.

Because I believe in the universality of the Bill of Rights, I have no problem with Muslims practicing their religion here in the States. However, there should be no tolerance of a group of people that openly use fear, the threat of violence, and actual violence to prevent freedom of speech. It's an outrage that "How is the Muslim community going to react?" is even a consideration when deciding to publish a book or not.

For whatever reason, the powers that be at Random House lack the testicular fortitude to stand up for the First Amendment, at least in this case. I'm almost certain that they've published material that fundamental Christians and Orthodox Jews would find quite offensive.

Regardless, Random House is nice enough to allow the author to sell the book to another publisher, and I sincerely hope this happens.

PETA Should Go Back to Naked Chicks

A few days ago, a Chinese immigrant to Canada decided to behead a fellow Greyhound bus passenger. Without going into gory details - Vince Weiguang Li attacked Tim McLean while he was sleeping. Li stabbed McLean several times, and then proceeded to show the severed head to the horrified passenegers standing outside the bus. Why the 'horrified passengers' weren't running away, I have no idea.

PETA, in their infinite stupidity, saw this grotesque murder not as an example of how dark human nature can be; rather, it's a PR opportunity. Here's some excerpts from their ad featuring the murder:

- "His struggles and cries are ignored ... the man with the knife shows no emotion ... the victim is slaughtered and his head cut off ... his flesh is eaten"

- "If this ad leaves a bad taste in your mouth, please give a thought to what sensitive animals think and feel when they come to the end of their frightening journey and see, hear and smell the slaughterhouse"

- "Like human victims, animals in slaughterhouses experience terror when they are attacked by a knife-wielding assailant...We are challenging everyone who is rightly horrified by this crime to look into their hearts and consider leaving violence off their dinner plates."

There has to be someone in the PETA organization that has a better idea for advancing the PETA agenda than comparing eating a delicious steak to random, psychotic murder. What's that? There isn't? Well then, someone should really clue them into effective marketing techniques.

Anyway, here's an article by Wesley J. Smith that points out some flaws in the vegan lifestyle and mentality.

And just because I like pointing out the stupidity of these people, here's a webpage that chronicles some of the dumber things uttered by vegetarians. They're all remarkably moronic in their own special way, but this one, by far, is the gold medal winner:

"Hey; maybe hitler was actually killing meat eaters, not Jews. It was just changed to Jews because people got offended and obviously most Jews eat meat. Maybe his ethical cleansing was a way to rid the world of meat eaters. Would make sense with his prediction of vegetarianism by 2000; if he was in charge, who knows... The above comment isn't meant to cause offence if it does by the way."

Oh. My. God.

Hey Pelosi - Drill This!

I'm pretty close to putting the phrase "We can't drill our way out of this problem" onto Bobby's Official List of Things That Will Get You Immediately Punched In the Face. The shear ignorance of the statement is enough to make me immediately stop listening to whatever the speaker has to say - good or bad.

The simple law of supply and demand dictates that if you increase supply (drill), demand (and therefore price) will drop. Granted, there are varying opinions on exactly how long it will take to get the oil out of the ground and onto the market. The Democrats like to say it will take 10 years and even then it will only drop the price of gas by 1 cent.*

And on the other extreme, I read something the other day that said there's hundreds of wells already drilled in the Gulf that have been capped and are simply awaiting a drilling platform to extract the oil and gas - a process that will only take 6 months to take the product to market. Both positions are moot in the case of this argument.

Because I'm not a student of economics, I'm unable to effectively explain why it doesn't matter how long it would take to get America's oil to market. However, Martin Feldstein, a professor at Harvard and former Reagan economic advisor, can.

The Wall Street Journal featured his Op-Ed a few weeks ago.** Feldstein does a very effective job of explaining exactly how starting the process of drilling here in the states now will have an immediate effect on the price of oil now, absolutely regardless of how long it takes that oil to get on the market.

As much as I would like to think that the Democratic party is nothing more than a ship of fools, the fact of the matter is that there are a number of highly intelligent people who gladly don the jackass pin. They understand the principles set forth by Feldstein, but they simply elect to ignore them for political expediency or because the nut-job wing of the environmental movement has them by the short and curly's. I'll let you determine which is the case.

Established economic theories tells us that drilling will certainly help the current price of gasoline, which is more than I can say about Obama's plan to check every driver's tire pressure.

* - This Democrat talking point drives me crazy. To project the rate of inflation, the demand of oil, and the hundreds of other factors that would go into determining the price of gasoline 10 years from now is pointless. No one knows the answers to those questions, so to extract the price of gasoline from a myriad of unknowns is nothing short of a miracle.

** - Feldstein's article was found via Joel Alicea's column on National Review Online.

WTF? Sex Tape Edition

From The News and Observer:

RALEIGH - Police think a Raleigh woman stole a personal computer and used it to make an adult video she intended to distribute.

At first glance, this story isn't that shocking. So some crazy chick stole a computer and made a sex tape. Thanks to the likes of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, this sort of thing is no longer shocking, especially when it's just a random person.

But it gets better. Way better:

Investigators have accused Erica Jasmine Bridges, 18, and an accomplice, Darnell Marquise Johnson, 19, of stabbing Carroll [the owner of the stolen computer] and carjacking his vehicle in an attempt to steal the computer a second time and recover the movie, according to a search warrant filed Monday in Wake County.

Spectacular. I have some many questions. Was this a tape for personal use or did Erica and Darnell plan to market the bad boy? Erica and Darnell obviously have no problem stealing a computer and then recording a sex act, so why the desperate measure to recover the sex tape? Modest is not the word I think of after hearing of these exploits.

If you ask me, Carroll (the victim) is in on this somehow. How do you happen to recover your stolen computer with another person's sex tape on it BEFORE those people had a chance to copy or delete the sex tape? This sounds like some Craigslist casual encounter gone bad. Either way it makes for funny news and a plot line for Law and Order.

Seriously - This Is a Sign of The Apocalypse

No, the notion that Paris Hilton is running for President is not a sign of the Apocalypse. The fact that her plan to fix the energy crisis is more comprehensive and easier to understand than anything Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Howard Dean, or most other Democrats have said is a sign of the Apocalypse.

At the same time - this video was meant as a response to the McCain ad attacking Obama for being a celebrity, and I guess to a certain extent it does an effective job of lampooning the McCain spot. However, it also demonstrates that with proper handling and a good speech writer, ANYONE can look good in front of a teleprompter.

This is the smartest thing to come out of Paris' mouth since....well, insert your own lewd joke here. I'm trying to keep this blog on a PG-13 level.

Words of Wisdom from Ronald Reagan

"Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying."

I'm almost 100% sure Reagan didn't have Barack Obama in mind when he said this, but it's applicable nonetheless. Obama is young and he has virtually no accomplishments in the political world, let alone the business world, to speak of.

Buzz o' the Week

I was going to pick a good, moderately priced red wine for this week. But Sean phoned-in a request, and since he's a new father, I figured I would indulge him. This week's buzz will be provided by The Dirty Gin Martini.

Normally, I'm a vodka martini kind of guy (don't worry - the classic Bond drink will be featured at a later date and time). A couple weeks ago, I tried The Dirty Gin Martini for the first time. I'm not a big fan of gin, but my Dad has perfected the recipe, and that is what I bring you today.

Ingredients:
4 oz. Hendricks Gin
2 oz. Olive juice
Dry Vermouth

With most mixed drinks, you can go with a mid-level liquor. However, with martinis, which rely heavily on the quality of the vodka or gin being used, you don't want to skimp. So, spend the extra money and you won't be sorry. Martinis are potent, and if you drink more than one of these bad boys, make sure you have a DD.

The Process:
- If you're serving the drink "up" (no ice, in a traditional martini glass), fill the martini glass with ice and water. The purpose is to chill the glass. You can just as easily keep martini glasses in the freezer, but I find the ice water method is less complicated and reduces the chances of accidently breaking a glass when you're going for the ice cream.
- Combine the gin and olive juice in a shaker with ice. Daddo recommends shaking the olive juice jar prior to measuring in order to get some olive chunks in the mix.
- Shaken, not stirred.
- If you like your Martini on the rocks, fill the cocktail glass with chipped ice and wave the vermouth over the glass. You want nothing more than a hint of the dry vermouth.
- If you martini is being served up, empty the ice water out of the martini glass. Pour no more than 1 tablespoon of the dry vermouth into the glass and swirl it around. Then dump the vermouth.
- Strain the martini into the glass, garnish with three olives (stuffed with blue cheese for me), and serve.

A point of ettiqutte - when serving or ordering a martini, be prepared to answer or provide the following options:
- "Up" or "on the rocks." "Up" is not to be confused with "neat." "Up" applies only to mixed drinks while "neat" applies to liquor only. A martini or cosmo is served "up." Scotch is served "neat."
- "Dirty"
- If you're at a bar, specify the type of gin or vodka to be used.
- Some people prefer onions over olives as garnish.

As always, I welcome suggestions for next week's Buzz. Enjoy, but be responsible!

Neal Bortz Redesigns Obama's Seal

Check it out:



The phrase has been changed from "Yes We Can" in Latin to "Vae puto deus fio." My Latin is a little rusty (read: nonexistent), but according to a quick Google search, this translates to "Alas - I think I'm turning into a god."

Brilliant.

Sarah Palin: Hottest Governor in the Union

Sarah Palin is the conservative governor of Alaska. She's awesome, and she's not half-bad looking when it comes to older women who are Governors.

And what makes it even better? She routinely tells the environmental nut jobs to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Most recently, she sued the Secretary of the Interior for placing polar bears on the "threatened list."

Apparently, polar bears are "threatened" because those totally accurate computer models (that have proven to be wrong time and time again) predict that ice will completely disappear from the arctic circle within 50 years. Right....

Kassie Siegel of The Center for Biological Diversity* dismisses the lawsuit as "completely ridiculous and a waste of the court's time." Kassie also said that Gov. Palin is clearly not concerned about the environment and is merely a shill for the gas and oil industry. I, for one, agree. How dare a Governor look out for the welfare of her constituents by trying to encourage job growth in the state's primary source of revenue? The gall of some people.

* - A non-profit organization whose primary mission is to make sure that species of color are properly represented in nature. The Center for Biological Diversity routinely spray paints white animals to better reflect politically correct multiculturalism.

Global Warming Crowd: Just Go With It, OK?

The Boston Globe published an Op-Ed from John P. Holdren who is a professor at The Kennedy School of Government and also teaches in the Department of Earth and Planetary Sciences at Harvard (I guess we're supposed to take that John is smart and, therefore, beyond reproach from us simpletons). The Globe put the piece in the Op-Ed section because they apparently don't have a "Just Do As We Say You Stupid Retards" section.

The good professor maintains that global warming / climate change is, in fact, a reality, and that the "...the few climate-change 'skeptics' with any sort of scientific credentials..." are merely suffering from a three-step version of the 5-step grieving process. Here's how Professor John says it goes: Step 1 - climate change simply doesn't exist; step 2 - climate change exists, but humans aren't responsible; and step 3 - ok, you environmental nut jobs are right, but it's too late to do anything about it.

Awesome - there are few better (and more cowardly) ways to marginalize your opponent's position than to chalk it up to some simple mental disorder. We've all done it at some point, either as a joke or in an actual debate. One usually accomplishes this by saying, "You're just in denial." At which point, the target denies being in denial, and the hilarity ensues. Instead of arguing the original point, the aggressor effectively forced the victim to go off-topic and explain why he isn't in denial. It's a cheap shot.

I had higher hopes for a Harvard professor. In attempting to convince the skeptics that global warming is not only a man-made phenomenon, but poses a serious threat as well, I would think that he would bring some hard science. How about explaining why the warmest year in history was in 1934 and not any of the past 20 years? Or why the ocean's have been getting colder since 2003? Or why 2007 was the coldest winter in the US in decades?

Instead he goes with yet another intellectually-void argument of demanding the opposition prove a negative. John states that the skeptics "...have not come up with any plausible alternative culprit for the disruption of global climate that is being observed..."

In other words, John and the global warming crowd are saying "prove to us that global warming is not man-made." Apart from being logical nonsense, that approach is a complete antithesis to the scientific process. Science should constantly test it's assumptions and theories for validity. And nothing should be taken as a cold-hard fact when it is not yet fully understood - we can't accurately predict the weather more than 48 hours in advance, how could we possibly know everything that goes into the planet's entire climate?

The rest of the article consist of John dropping names - "Well, these people believe it's real, and they're way more important than you, so you have to believe it to." He also states that all global warming skepticism is "unfounded." This is akin to putting your hands over your ears, shutting your eyes, and shouting "SHUT UP! YOU'RE WRONG!" Also known as a temper tantrum.

For a good balance to Professor John's little diatribe, check out this article from The Australian. Now, if you'll excuse me, I broke a couple compact fluorescent light bulbs over the weekend, and I'm only 1 step into the day-long 4-step clean-up process.

Universal Truth Time

There's a very limited number of things that will transcend cultures and time - things that anyone anywhere can relate to regardless of their background. Humor is on that short list. But not just any humor. I'm talking about the basic humor that even an infant understands - dick and fart jokes. I can't even think of what else would be on the list - taxes? death?. Yeah - we'll say death, taxes, and dick and fart jokes are the three universal truths of mankind.

In yet another useless study, the University of Wolverhampton (located in England) has compiled a top 10 list of the world's oldest jokes. The winner? Well, the oldest joke on record - not necessarily the funniest - comes from ancient Sumeria (known today as Southern Iraq). And it goes like this: Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. That's right - the oldest recorded joke in the world is about wives not farting in front of their husbands.

Other humor gems from centuries ago include:

From Egypt - "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

And England - "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."

Of course, the academics at the University of Wolverhampton effectively suck the funny out of these jokes by proceeding to explain why they are funny. Friggin' nerds.

Obama's Plan - Part 3,487

Like the other 3,486 parts of Obama's plan for American, this one involves more taxes. Except this time, instead of targeting the vague and elusive upper class of the country (who, according to Barry, are the only people who invest in the stock market), Obama has set his sights on the mean, evil oil companies.

Once again, the oil companies have made record profits, and if we check our Liberal play book - yep there it is right there. When a small group of people managed to outwit the Liberals (it's not that hard) and actually make money running a business, then the Liberals simply increase taxes on said business.

After all, the aim of successfully running a business is not to make money. Nope - the aim is to make money so that you can give it to the government; who will then redistribute the income in the form of rebate checks to the lower classes. These people will then use the money to gain consumer credit cards and loans, get in over their head, trigger a credit crisis, and then the government will have to send more checks out so that the cycle can repeat itself.

Don't concern yourself with the fact that the business being taxed have since left the country, taking countless jobs and tax revenue with them. Look at this shiny object over here! That's right. It sparkles and makes noise!

Scientology Gets Sued

This week, a former member of the Church of Scientology sued the Church along with Tom Cruise for violation of federal RICO statutes. Without getting into the really boring legal details, the plaintiff is contending that Scientology is nothing more than a massive racketeering organization, like the mob only with spaceships and evil intergalactic rulers instead of fat Italians.

In honor of this, I am re-posting the classic South Park clip that describes the origins of Scientology.

Please to enjoy:

Poll Insanity

USA Today released their pre-season Coach's Poll today. I won't comment on each and every team; rather I will highlight the rankings that please me and the rankings that make me believe a team of lobotomized mountain goats are actually picking the teams.

1. Georgia - Spot on, coaches. At the end of the 2007 season, the Bulldogs had a very valid argument that they should have been in the National Championship game. But the absolute stupidity that is the BCS precluded it. Instead, they exposed Colt Brennan and the Hawaii Super-gay Rainbows for the second rate team that they were. Unfortunately, Georgia has to run the SEC gauntlet in order to have a chance at the title, and that is a difficult, if not impossible this season, task to accomplish.

3. THE Ohio State University - For the D&F faithful, you should be able to predict what will be said here. If you're new to the awesomeness that is D&F, click here for a list of OSU-related posts. As we've highlighted before, OSU's schedule is a joke. The Big-10 is a joke. Much like the 2007 season, THE Ohio State University had padded the 2008 schedule with a litany of virtually guaranteed wins. Thus, they'll coast through the season while teams in real conferences beat each other up. OSU will end up in the National Championship, again. And they will lose, again.

9. Clemson - Seriously? The ACC is known for basketball, boys and girls. I know they have some fancy pants running back, but playing in the ACC is almost as bad as the Big-10. Clemson will lose early and often. I'd put good money on Clemson being out of the Top 25 by midseason.

11. Auburn - I like this position for my Tigers. Auburn was ranked 18 going into the 2004 season, and that turned out pretty well. Compare that to the 2003 season where the Tigers started at 6 and ended unranked. It appears the underdog approach is a winner for Auburn. Plus that no talent ass-clown Brandon Cox is no longer throwing interceptions for Auburn, and they have a new offensive coordinator that runs the spread offense. Good stuff.

21. South Florida - Whatever. USF was able to capitilize on a mentally weak Auburn team at the beginning of the 2007 season. In an Obama-like obsession, the sports media propelled them to the #2 spot where they quickly discovered reality. They ended the season unranked. Like Clemson, the Bulls will not last - look for them in a pre-Christmas bowl, if anything.

As a side note, 9 out of the 12 SEC teams are either ranked or received votes - Arkansas, Ole Miss, and Vanderbilt were the 3 that weren't listed. Once again, the SEC is the toughest conference and continues to field the top, well-balanced teams in the nation.

Quote of the Week

In a startling display of common sense often not found in public officials, the LAPD Chief of Police William Bratton refused to participate in LA city council meetings held to determine if more laws were needed to control the paparazzi. He maintains that there are more than enough city ordinances to control the various situations.

But more importantly, he made this spot on assessment of the paparazzi's bread and butter:

"If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank god; and, evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue."

That guy should run for governor of California.

WTF? Olympic Edition

From The Guardian:

"For more than a year, officials in Beijing have been designing a special laboratory to determine the sex of any athletes taking part in this year's Olympic games. "Suspected athletes will be evaluated from their external appearances by experts and undergo blood tests to examine their sex hormones, genes and chromosomes for sex determination," says Professor Tian Qinjie."

Apparently, there's a long history of Pat-type athletes competing in the Olympic Games. I remember a couple movies making fun of the East German team - even as recently as Dodgeball, we see a "woman" with a uni-brow and noticibly male features such as facial hair. Never did I think that it was a reoccuring problem.

And what kind of "special laboratory" do you need to determine if a dude is tucking? It's not rocket surgery, people.

Buzz o' the Week

And it's time for Buzz o' the Week. I hope everyone enjoyed the most excellent Mojito recipe from last week. If you missed the post, click here to check it out. This week, I bring you the Champagne of Beers: Miller High Life.

For those of you who know me well, you might be surprised to read that I would recommend such a beer, but hear me out. And I promise in future installments of Buzz o' the Week to review and recommend some awesome craft brews.

In keeping with the summer drink menu, Miller High Life is, in my humble opinion, a great summer beer to enjoy after a hard day of yard work or any other strenuous outdoor activity. The High Life has more flavor than it's light beer competition. It's on the cheaper end of all beer - a definite plus considering the economy and gas prices, and let's be honest - with a name like The Champagne of Beers, how can you go wrong?

So, this Saturday (or Sunday) after mowing the lawn, weeding the flower bed, and whatever else is on your honey-do list, crack open the High Life and relax. You'll thank me for it.

Need a Cure for that Jungle Fever?

Well, my friend, look no further than AfroRomance. That's right - the Internet dating scene has become so saturated with eHarmony / match.com clones, that a niche market has emerged for people looking for "interracial dating only" (it says that on the homepage).

Not wanting to exclude any other varieties of "fever", AfroRomance allows the discriminating interracial dater to specify which type of fever currently afflicts him or her. Like any other dating site, one must enter his or her sexual preference and age range, but then you get to the fun part.

Here are the choices:

Black / White - Jungle Fever

Asian - Yellow Fever

Latino - Ummm....what do you call this? Urban Dictionary was of no help, so I welcome comments from the D&F Faithful.

The jury is still out on whether or not this is a sign of the Apocalypse. Regardless, meeting your significant other through this site would make for a great "how mommy met daddy" story.

Further Proof of Human Stupidity

I could simply write "reality television" and be done with this post, but we have standards here at D&F. For the most part, The Discovery Chanel and other documentary-heavy stations have decent reality programming, but like everything else in this world, there's an exception to prove every rule.

"It Takes a Thief" has two supposed ex-burglars break into people's home, steal their things, and ransack the place in an effort to show people how vulnerable they are to such an attack. My brother Andrew loves this show and is watching it pretty much every afternoon when I get home. Here's a universal synopsis for every episode of "It Takes a Thief" ever made: ex-thief breaks into home; homeowners come home and are somehow surprised that they have been robbed; "victims" watch tape of their home being robbed; "victims" get upset; "victims" get mad a thief; Discovery Chanel puts everything back in its place, cleans the house, and springs for a $1,000+ security system. Roll credits.

Here's my problem with it: the "victims" know they are going to get robbed. They give permission to have surveillance cameras put all over their house. They give pre-theft interviews. I wouldn't be surprised if the producers of the show give them a time frame for when the robbery will take place.

Yet, despite knowing all of this, these idiots still get visibly upset when they arrive back home and "discover" the robbery. The wives often cry and say something along the lines of being violated. The husbands make various threats of kicking someone's ass. The phrase, "I can't believe this is happening" is repeated ad nauseam. And the coup de grace - when the "victims" confront the "thief" they are mad and make feeble attempts to express this anger.

I've come to the sad conclusion that I am entirely too intelligent and well-balanced to be on any sort of reality TV or even Deal or No Deal.

All of Hollywood Not Insane

It's a difficult task finding a successful actor in Hollywood who isn't in bed with far left politics. In fact, the guest list for the upcoming DNC convention in Denver might as well be a copy of the one for a post Oscar party: Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson, Warren Beatty and wife Annette Bening, Forrest Whitaker, Maggie Gyllenhaal.

The stars that lean to the right are typically relegated to "B" list status - Steven Baldwin, Chuck Norris....I'm sure there's more out there; I just can't remember right now, which proves my point that the entertainment industry is dominated by nut-job liberals.

Every now and then, a celebrity comes along and surprises me with some common sense. A few years ago, Pat Sajak commented that if there was one group of people universally unqualified to give advice on politics and national policy, it's celebrities.

Today, John Voight gets a D&F "Atta-boy" for his Op-Ed in the Washington Times. Now, Johnny can add "not insane" to his resume, which will look good next to the part about being able to father weird-looking yet strangely-hot chicks.

Smarter: Congress or Dying Sea Monkeys?

On December 19, 2007, Congress passed and the President signed a bill that outlaws the use of incandescent light bulbs by 2014. Since the government can't do anything all at one time, it's a phased withdrawal. 100-watt light bulbs are illegal starting in 2010 with the 40-watt going the way of the dodo in 2014.

While Congress hasn't told us how to wipe our arses yet, they are telling us how to light our homes. The instructions and limitations on Charmin use are only so far off, boys and girls.

But that's not the point here. Al Gore and the rest of the global warming nazis have all but mandated that compact fluorescent light bulbs are to replace the evil incandescent light bulbs. The problem? Well, it puts off a fraction of light compared to the old style, and oh yeah - you have to mobilize the entire EPA if you break one.

Ok, it's not that bad, but it's not good either. Here's what the EPA says you should do if you break a CFL:

1. Open a window and leave the room (restrict access) for at least 15 minutes. If you have fans, place the fans in the windows and blow the air out of the room. Note: If the room has no windows, open all doors to the room and windows outside the room and use fans to move the air out of the room and to the open windows.

2. Remove all materials you can without using a vacuum cleaner.
- Wear disposable rubber gloves, if available (do not use your bare hands).
- Carefully scoop up the fragments and powder with stiff paper or cardboard.
- Wipe the area clean with a damp paper towel or disposable wet wipe.
- Sticky tape (such as duct tape) can be used to pick up small pieces and powder.

3.Place all cleanup materials in a plastic bag and seal it, and then place in a second sealed plastic bag.
-If no other disposal or recycling options are available, private residents may dispose of the CFL in residential garbage. Be sure to seal the CFL in two plastic bags and put into the outside trash.
-Wash your hands after disposing of the bags.

4. The first time you vacuum the area where the bulb was broken, remove the vacuum bag once done cleaning the area (or empty and wipe the canister) and put the bag and/or vacuum debris, as well as the cleaning materials, in two sealed plastic bags in the outdoor trash or protected outdoor location for normal disposal.

Only the federal government could take something as simple as "clean up broken glass" and turn it into a 4-step, day long process. And what's up with double-bagging the broken pieces? I'm not an expert, but I'm willing to bet using two plastic bags, which are not good for the environment, starts to eat into the efficiency benefits of using the stupid CFL's.

Let's not forget that plastic is a petroleum based product. Higher oil prices translate into higher prices for plastic products (not to mention the gas you have to use to drive your double-bagged mercury bomb to the dump), and if you listen to Al Gore, Harry Reid, and the other global warming Super Friends, oil is a poison.

So let's bring this one home. Congress, in order to save money and improve the overall efficiency of the country, outlawed the incandescent light bulb. The replacement costs more money (3 times as much in some cases), doesn't provide nearly as much light (which means you use more lightbulbs to accomplish the same thing); if you break a bulb, you have to use 2 not-good-for-the-environment plastic bags, drive it to a landfill, and then go buy more "efficient" CFL's.

Thanks, government. Where would we be without you?

Cuil = Worst Search Engine Ever

In what can only be described as some of the most boring yet higly profitble news, there's a new search engine out there. For the not at all fascinating story of how a software engineer somehow raised over $30 million in venture capital (I guess the dot com bubble isn't quite over), click here.

Here's the lowdown - Anna Patterson used to work for Google and AltaVista before that. She is apparently a genius at writing search engine software, and claims that her new search engine, Cuil, scours 8 times more websites than Google.

Being somewhat confused at the notion that Google does not search the entire Internet, I decided to do a little test. I typed the exact same thing into both search engines - dink and flika. Google returned your favorite blog at the top of the list. Cuil said that there is nothing on the entire world wide web with those words.

Cuil sucks.

Top Baby Names 2008

Since my wife and I are officially the last couple to not have kids in our immediate circle of family and friends, we have been party to more than one baby naming ritual and even joined in on the fun ourselves. I've come to the conclusion that parents want to try and have a unique and meaningful name for their kid, which is understandable, but like so many other things in this world, good intentions often result in absolutely ridiculous and quite humorous results.

Most of you have heard of Knowshawn Moreno - he's the star running back for UGA. During last year's bowl season, the commentators saw fit to explain the origins of his name. Apparently, Shawn is a family name, and the mother wanted her son to be smart, so she simply put part of the word "knowledge" in there. Using this logic, I am initiating proceedings to change my name to "Big Johnson Money Bags" because I want to be rich and....you get the idea. I'll let you know how it turns out.

New Zealand appears to have a similar phenomenon. In fact, it's so bad that family court judges have stepped in and began undoing some rather interesting names. A judge made a 9-year old girl a ward of the state in order to change her name from Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii to something they won't tell us (to protect her identity, but sources tell me her new name is Princess Consuela Banana Hammock).

According to New Zealand law, "...names that would cause offense to a reasonable person..." are not allowed. Here are some of the names that have been rejected: Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit. However, Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence made it through the review process.

I don't know about you, but I kinda like the sound of Yeah Detroit. And since we don't have the Stupid Name Review Bureau here in the States, you can go ahead and plan on there being a Yeah Detroit Sawyer running around in a few years.

You - Out of the Gene Pool

Weddings and Waffle House - separately, these are two sublimely wonderful things. One is a foundation upon which this country is built, and the other is place to get loaded at an open bar and laugh at your friend(s) for taking the plunge into the absolute joy that is marriage, or something.

It would be all too easy to assume that combining two awesome things would only make for more awesomeness. But not in this case. No - weddings and Waffle House most certainly do not make for a good combination.

Unfortunately for mankind, this truth is not yet universal. And two hapless souls fell victim to the theory that a wedding at Waffle House would be a good idea. George "Bubba" Mathis and Pamela Christian thought it would be a grand idea to have a wedding at their place of employment (I'm not making that up).

They called their friends and family, cranked up the Hank Jr., put on their Sunday best, and sure as you can get your hash browns scattered, smothered and covered, they entered into holy matrimony in the Waffle House parking lot.

If ever there was a case for the government controlling who can reproduce and who cannot, this is one. Alas, Bubba and Pamela have already combined their top-notch genomes and produced two offspring - two little blonde girls. According to friends close to the newlyweds, the two daughters are having trouble deciding between following their parents' footsteps and working for Waffle House or being strippers.

Ahh, the American dream.

College Football is Almost Here

We are a mere 35 days from the start of the 2008 college football season, and I cannot wait. I love football season - grilling out (different from barbecue for your yankee heathens out there), watching Auburn, making fun of THE Ohio State fans - football season is without a doubt the best time of the year. You also have two of the best holidays in the midst of it - Thanksgiving and Christmas. My logic is unassailable.

To help get everyone else as pumped up, I bring you this fun poll. You can rank how you think the SEC will end this year. I didn't bother finding a similar poll for the Big 10, Big 12, Pac 10, or Big East simply because it doesn't matter how those conferences finish. Some sacrificial lamb will be brought forth on Thursday, January 8, and an SEC team will proceed to demonstrate how college football is played.

If THE Ohio State University manages to weasel their way into the championship again and lose to an SEC team, I am going to seriously start a petition to have the entire Big-10 conference knocked down to D-2, or whatever they're calling it these days.

And because I know you're curious as to how I ranked the SEC, here's my list:

East
1 - Georgia
2 - Florida
3 - South Carolina
4 - Tennessee
5 - Vanderbilt
6 - Kentucky

West
1 - Auburn
2 - LSU
3 - Mississippi State
4 - Ole Miss
5 - Arkansas
6 - Alabama

Actually, Alabama may finish higher, but as part of my degree from Auburn, I'm required to put Alabama last in every poll or the university will revoke my degree.

Buzz o' the Week

I'm proud to introduce a new feature here on D&F - Buzz o' the Week. Each week, I will bring you one adult beverage that I think you should try. And if you have a recommendation or would like for me to design the perfect version of a cocktail for you, let me know.

For the inaugural post (and because it's summer), I'm going to go with the Mojito. First, a little history - the Mojito is Cuban. And that concludes the history lesson.

Just to let you know - this drink recipe and most of the mixed drink recipes I will feature are the result of my wife and I trying the drink at a restaurant, and then either trying to make it better because we didn't like it or replicate the recipe because we did. The Mojito is a case of the former.

Katie despises sugary drinks, so that translates to not using pre-made mixes. It also means there's a trial and error process to get the proportions right, and sometimes that can get ugly (maybe at a later date and time, I will tell everyone about the night Bobby and Katie consumed an entire fifth of rum...by themselves).

Anyway, the ultimate result of not using pre-made mixes is a fresher tasting cocktail that highlights the natural flavors of the ingredients, rather than the Kool-aid type fruit flavor of the mix. It should be noted that the cocktail is to be enjoyed for it's taste and slight social lubrication qualities. In no way does D&F condone excessive drinking....except on St. Patrick's Day.

Enough with the commentary. Let's get down to business. While it's not required, I highly recommend securing a muddler. You can use the handle of a wooden spoon as a substitute, but I'm a stickler for using the right tool for the job.

The Ingredients:
- 3 slices of lime
- 8-10 mint leaves (for more mint taste, use more mint leaves)
- 1 tsp sugar
- 3 shots light Rum (1 shot = 1.5 oz)
- Club soda

The Process:
- Place mint leaves into a pint glass; then the lime, and finally the sugar. It's important to go in this order to reduce random tiny mint pieces in the final product
- Muddle (aka - squish the limes and mix with the sugar)
- Add rum and stir
- Add enough ice so the glass is almost full with ice
- Fill with club soda and stir
- Serve.

If you do it right, you should produce a refreshing drink to sip on the back porch with your significant other. If you're single, you now have a surprisingly potent drink to hopefully turn the hot girl into your significant other. Not that I encourage that sort of thing....

Justice Wins Again

Over the past few weeks, we've seen some landmark court decisions - apparently, the US Constitution applies anywhere and everywhere, regardless of things like "other countries" or silly facts like launching an RPG at American forces; school districts can't implement race-based school assignments for children unless they really, really feel like it (another Justice Kennedy gem); and we can't forget that the 2nd Amendment really does mean an individual has the right to bear arms (if you're interested in that stuff, Scalia's opinion is brilliant, FYI).

But not until today did the US legal system really make a decision that readily impacts the everyday American. I speak, of course, of Janet Jackson's infamous wardrobe malfunction during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.

To fill you in, the nipple-hating nerds at the FCC slapped CBS with a cool $550,000 fine. CBS, feeling that this was somewhat extreme, appealed the fine. Today, the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals tossed the fine; thus establishing that nipples are as American as apple pie, and the FCC sucks.

I can't help but remember where I was when Justin ripped off Janet's shirt, and the world witnessed what a surgically-enhanced breast and nipple look like with a crazy sun thing around it. I was sitting in our company HQ in Baghdad at 4 in the morning, watching the Super Bowl halftime show live. Under normal circumstances (not in Iraq), I avoid the half-time show at all costs. But since I was in Iraq and there was literally nothing better to do, I watched it.

To be honest, I didn't realize what happened until 3 seconds after the fact. At which point I was really pissed that the Army did not see fit to issue me a TiVo with my M-16. Not that I have some weird fetish for Janet Jackson, but you've got to understand - after so long in the desert, surrounded by other guys, the slightest resemblance of heterosexual sex is enough to cause a minor riot.

Oh well - mark another "W" for the American people and freedom. Today, I sleep well knowing that shameless publicity stunts for upcoming tours and albums are protected by the Constitution.

Is This Really Necessary?

Instead of spending time and taxpayer money outlawing various unhealthy foods, why can't we outlaw people dressing like this in public:


Thanks for putting that image in my brain, Fox News. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go develop an eating disorder.

Al Gore Talks....A Lot.

I did an environment post a couple days ago, so I won't revisit the topic. I will, however, point you towards an Al Gore piece where he pretty much tells us that we're all going to die unless we start using rat urine to power our homes and cars. You can read it here if you have a spare 3 hours and like the sound of Al Gore's voice in your head.

Or, you can watch this clip of South Park where Al lets us know about the next big threat. Please to enjoy:

More Useless: Dirty Diaper or Career Politicians?

When did politicians approach to any issue become an all or nothing game? I think it's a result of the modern media and their OCD level obsession with reducing every story, issue, and news worthy event into a 30-second sound bite. It's impossible to explain the thousands of years of history, the geopolitical ramifications, and just the logistics of the Iraq War, let alone offer a practical solution in 30-seconds, so why does everyone in Washington insist upon trying?

As a result of this oversimplification, we are left with rigid politicians that steadfastly oppose anything that doesn't fit the 30-second sound bite model. Let's take a look at the current energy crisis as a framework. On one side, you have the Republicans who, for the most part, want to expand domestic exploration and drilling for oil. The 30-second sound bite is usually a Senator or Representative saying something about being held hostage by foreign oil and then repeating the word "drill" until the 30 seconds is up.

On the other side, you have the Democrats who tend to take the position that drilling for oil will not solve anything, and we should spend our time and money looking for and developing alternative fuel sources. The sound bite will include words like "carbon," "greenhouse gasses," "failed policies of the Bush administration," etc.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi referred to President Bush's call for expanded domestic oil exploration as a "diversionary tactic," while at the same time insisting that he open up the strategic oil reserve. For those of you playing at home, the strategic reserve is probably good for a 3-month supply of oil. When it runs out, not only will the US have to spend significantly more to replace the oil we used, but whatever effect releasing the supply had on the price of crude will immediately vanish. Yeah, that's totally not a diversionary tactic.

As nice as it is to think that the solution to high gas prices is a one-step fix (be it drilling or alternative fuels), the economy is entirely too complex for this problem to be solved overnight. It's going to take SEVERAL avenues of attack that incorporate both drilling for oil here in the States, searching for alternative fuels, and reducing the amount we use petroleum based products.

Despite what both sides are saying, if we were to throw all our effort at alternative sources, the products wouldn't be on the market tomorrow or even in the next few years, so to represent that the hydrogen car is only a couple billion of dollars away is completely misleading. Conversely, drilling for oil isn't going to reduce the price of gas immediately, but it will help prevent further price increases down the road.

To sit there and throw the political equivalent of a temper tantrum, refusing to explore any single option is irresponsible and demonstrates a complete lack of concern for the taxpayer. What it does show is unadulterated pandering to special interest groups, which will do nothing but pad the coffers of the politician and not solve the problem.

Global Warming Shenanigans

Whatever credibility the global warming movement - hang on, it's called climate change now, isn't it? That's right - since the temperature of the planet has actually dropped over the past several years, I guess the enviro-nazis had to modify their terminology less they look like a bunch of idiots.

So, let's try that again. Whatever credibility the "climate change" movement had with me is completely and utterly gone. Somewhere along the way, what started out as a legitimate question into mankind's impact on the environment turned into a religion where anything bad that happens to human civilization is attributed to the great evil of carbon dioxide - this belief pattern is similar to many a religion where the omnipotent deity punishes puny man for transgressions (sin leads to hell, Allah strikes deep into the belly of the infidel, etc). Additionally, the church of climate change requires faith in things that cannot or have yet to be conclusively proven (consensus is not proof, FYI). For an excellent commentary on this, check out Michael Crichton's speech.

Today, I bring you two ridiculous examples of people blaming things on global warming / climate change that blow right past the edge of reason into complete and utter hysteria.

First up - the fine staff at the University of Texas Southwestern located in Dallas, TX. According to these doctors, if global warming trends projected by the crack team at the UN continue, then we're going to see a massive increase in kidney stones, particularly along the "kidney stone belt" (I'm not making that up) which seems to parallel the sun belt area.

To their credit, the doctors do use actual science in developing this theory. Apparently, when people move from cooler climates to warmer ones, there's an increased risk of kidney stones. The problem - the whole thing is based on flawed UN models. Couple that with the fact that the earth has actually been cooling, and I'm going to have to call shenanigans on this one.

Next up - idiotic Congressman from Massachusetts (that's kind of redundant, isn't it?). Rep. Edward Markey told a group of high school students visiting Washington, D.C. that global warming caused "Black Hawk Down." Actually, what he said was that global warming caused the drought, which created the Darfur crisis, which created famine, which led to the whole Somalia / Mogadishu conflict. Ignorant doesn't even begin to describe that.

The Darfur crisis and the Somalian crisis of the early 1990's were caused by war lords practicing widespread genocide and intentional starvation of the population. Black Hawk Down was caused by a bunch of these warlord's thugs shooting down helicopters with RPG's and the Clinton administration refusing to properly support the operation. Or, if you're brainwashed, "global warming."

My suggestion to the climate change believers - you should focus on conclusively proving your theory instead of running around blaming everything on it. Also, get out there and debate whether or not it is actually occuring. "Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is settled."*

* - Michael Crichton

You Turn Him Loose...You Turn Him Loose

There is an old Peruvian saying, "A person who represents himself has a fool for a client." The man in this video obviously did not take that saying to heart. I do not know the back story on this, but after watching the video I think I can figure out.

A man commits some type of crime, and decides not to spend the money on a lawyer but rather to invest that money in acting class and a new suit. He also manages to tell one of the witnesses that he has a plan to cause a mis-trial. When the time comes to cross examine a witness he decides it is time to show the ace up his sleeve. He asks the judge to excuse his behavior he just needs a second. When the judge doesn't respond he repeats it, then starts his acting. He fakes a heart attack and collapses on the floor. (Side note, if this is not the first time you have watched the video, watch the guy on the far right side, he has no reaction when the man falls over.)

You have to give this guy credit though, even though he is called out by the judge as a faker he sticks with it, acting like he is passed out the whole time. Enjoy.

Forgive or Forget, Where Have You Gone?

For those of you who are uneducated when it comes to day time television there was no better show than Forgive or Forget hosted by Momma Love. The premise of the show was simple, when someone had either been hurt or hurt someone they came to the show looking for forgiveness. The other party had the option to come to the show and walk through the door, literally, they had a door they walked through to show they forgave the other person, or they would not show up and forget that person. It obviously was a whole lot better when the person did not walk through the door. The fact that the host of the show was named Momma Love made it that much better.

I think we should start a national campaign, that are becoming all the rage these days, and send the studios door knobs until they put Forgive or Forget back on the air. To get you ready to start sending those door knobs in here is a sample of Forgive or Forget:

A little back story; Tina used to weigh 275 pounds, but lost 100 pounds with Gastric Bypass Surgery. She had a good "friend" Vinny who would constantly ridicule her and call her fat. To save you some time skip to the 3:58 mark. Vinny has to be considered for Friend of the Year after you hear him talk.

Good News: Barack Has a Plan!

Just so we're all on the same page, Barack is now re-affirming his promise to end the Iraq War within 16-months of taking office. This may seem like a blatantly obvious statement, but with the antics of last week, I wasn't sure if Obama was getting ready to Obama-nate on his promise to lead America to defeat.

It took a little longer than I expected, but Obama has formally responded to last week's news that Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki wants a timetable for the withdrawal of American forces. And surprise, surprise - Obama thinks it's a smashing idea. The New York Times graciously lent their Op-Ed page for the response.

Here are the highlights:

- In an effort to tell the 3 people who didn't know this, Barack starts off by reminding us AGAIN that he has opposed the war since the beginning. While not 100% accurate, we'll let him play this little game. In terms of relevance, however, what he thought about the war 5 years ago is completely useless. But he opposed it. In case you didn't know.

- Then Obama actually says that the "surge" is working. But immediately reverts back to his root programming, and says that "...the same factors that led me to oppose the surge still hold true..." Um, I'm confused. Why is he praising the accomplishments of the surge while saying that he still opposes it? Does anyone actually read that and think it makes sense?

- Obama is going to "...consult with commanders on the ground and the Iraqi government to ensure that our troops were redeployed safely, and our interests protected." I wonder what the commanders on the ground have to say. Fortunately, ABC news has answered that question already. They say it's not a good idea and a logistical nightmare. No worries though - the Obamacons will hope and change their way through those pesky logistical details.

- And what Democratic plan is complete without the promise of large sums of money? Yep, Obama will pledge $2 billion to help the Iraqi refugees. So if you're keeping track of all the money Barack is planning on spending once he gets into office, that $2 billion pretty much ensures a tax of rate of 40%+ for everyone who isn't on welfare.

There's other fun little tidbits in Barack's column, but you get the idea. The recurring phrase Obama seems to have latched onto is "end this war." Well, there's only two ways to end a war. Option A - win by beating the other guy so bad that he no longer has the capability or will to fight; Option B - quit early and give the other guy a chance to rebuild his forces.

To kind of hammer that last point home, check out this article by Michael Barone. He draws some comparisons between Truman and the Berlin Airlift and Bush's commitment to the mission in Iraq.

Summer Movie Update: 1-1-1

Andrew and I went and saw Wanted this past weekend. This makes the third summer movie I've seen this season, and here's the latest standings:

1 Win - Iron Man; When Stark was drinking scotch in a HMMWV while driving to a missile test in Afghanistan, I knew the movie would rock.

1 Loss - The Happening; I'm still mad at Andrew for making me watch this movie. I have a couple rules when it comes to going to movies, and one of the big ones is if Marky Mark is expected to act like anything other than a tough guy / meat head, then it's going to be a waste of time. I should have followed my own rules.

1 Tie - Wanted; to be honest, this was a borderline loss, and I knew that going in. But, I made Andrew buy my ticket (HA!), and I got to see what I'm pretty sure was a body double for Angelina Jolie naked from behind with all sorts of cool tattoos. Also, I heard Morgan Freeman's character drop the MF bomb. There's just something inherently funny about the narrator for March of the Penguins saying "Shoot this M----- F-----". If I was in charge of the academy, he would definitely get a nod for best supporting actor for that one line. So when you add those factors in, I can't say that I didn't somewhat enjoy the overall experience.

However, Wanted was a predictable summer action flick. The gun play and magic bullet camera tricks were fun at first, but got old quick. And when I can guess how the movie is going to end 20 minutes into it, writers need to try a little harder.

I'm still debating whether or not to see Hancock, and in all likelihood, it's going to be relegated to rental status. This upcoming Friday, The Dark Knight arrives, and I'm excited about that. I'm hoping it will make this summer movie season a winning one for your truly.

And since I neglected to post a video on Friday, here's a little love to start your Monday off right. Please to enjoy:

Is "Complete F-ing Idiot" a Racist Term? UPDATE!

And now we have video of the incident as well as some commentary from the offended parties.

Click here for the video of the incident.

Click here for the original story to get the background.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have stop thinking about this before my head explodes.

Rule #1 When Leaving Comments

This is not directed or intended for the readers of D&F. For the most part, the 13 regular readers we have leave good comments and tend to stay away from making broad generalizations. For sites and blogs that have thousands of readers, it's a different story. Go read any political story. You won't get 3 comments in without someone (Conservative or Liberal) throwing some basless stereotype out there and not backing it up with any facts.

Of course I have an example. We have standards here at D&F, after all.

ABC news, in a shocking break from tradition, actually decided to do a little reporting on Barack's policies and ideas. Although, since Obama is setting up yet another policy change on Iraq, ABC News could be laying the ground work and prepping the masses for the inevitable reality that the US is not leaving Iraq anytime soon. But that's not the focus here.

Sure enough, the comments section turns into the political equivalent of a "Your mama so fat..." trash talking competition. And we get this little gem:

"You Rightwingers are a joke! Your the worst Americans ever! And the dumbest! McCain is not fit too be President let alone dog catcher! He's senile,has a bad temper and loves lobbiests,the rich and big corporations. Besides he wants to bomb,bomb, Iran and have wars forever! John McCain is also bad for the economy and the middle class. He's just plain wrong for America!"

Listen up people - if you're going to start your comment off with calling people "the dumbest" anything, spell check your comment. Because nothing says "I'm a complete moron" better than misspelling simple words and mixing up "your" and "you're."

Is "Complete F-ing Idiot" a Racist Term?

From the Dallas City Hall Blog:

Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections "has become a black hole" because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.

Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, interrupted him with a loud "Excuse me!" He then corrected his colleague, saying the office has become a "white hole."

That prompted Judge Thomas Jones, who is black, to demand an apology from Mayfield for his racially insensitive analogy.

That's it. This racist BS has gone entirely too far. I'm not sure what qualifies someone to be a Dallas city Commissioner, but based on this little interchange, one only has to pass pre-school and have a 3-yeard old's understanding of the universe.

What's more shocking is that a judge - someone entrusted to interpret the laws of Texas - is stupid enough to believe "black hole" is a racial slur.

According to the article, Mayfield shot back that a "black hole" is a science term, but stopped short of trying to explain what the singularity is. If I were in his shoes, I would have gone with something like, "Well, at least it's not a brown hole like the sanitation department."

And what the hell kind of come back is, "it's a white hole" anyway? Price might as well have gone with the "I'm rubber and you're glue" approach.

IDIOTS!

Is Every Other Feminist Problem Solved?

I'm not naive and ignorant enough to believe that the battle of the sexes is over and that every man and woman in America is on the same playing field when it comes to job opportunities and compensation.

Having said that, we have come along way, and while there are still some parts of the professional American world that are clearly dominated by males, females have little trouble gaining access to those fields and receiving competitive pay.The point is that we, as a society, have made significant progress since the bra burning days of the 60's.

We've made so much progress here in America, that I think the old warriors of the feminist movement have kind of run out things to complain about. For example, magazine editor Cynthia Good recently went on a hell-bent crusade to get the city of Atlanta to change all the "Men at work" and "Men Working" signs to reflect that women are working on the roads as well.

Of course, this is quite the trivial victory in the battle of the sexes. I can't help but think that Cynthia's time, effort, and position as a "woman's magazine editor" would be better spent fighting for women's rights in countries that continue to treat women as second class citizens.

You know - places like Saudi Arabia or any other traditional Muslim country where female castration is still practiced. Or how about Africa where men think having sex with a virgin will cure AIDS (I'm not making that up).

At the end of the day, this is the United States, and if Cynthia thinks that changing some words on road signs and making the city of Atlanta spend thousands of dollars doing so will further the feminist movement, then more power to her. Personally, between driving, talking on the cell phone, dealing with the idiot drivers in Atlanta, the traffic in Atlanta, I really don't think the driving population of the city is a) going to notice the change or b) if they do notice, it's not going to inspire any sort of further action.

Oh well.

Sex Columnist: Not Just For Sluts!

So Foxnews.com has themselves a sex columnist. And because I'm usually bored out of mind at work, I end up reading whatever Yvonne K. Fulbright has to say. As a result, I've become convinced that in order to become a sex columnist, all you have to do is sleep around....a lot. Here's a snipet from the latest Foxnews FOXSEXpert (I didn't make that name up):

How many sexual partners have you had? If this were an actual survey, would you lie about it? The discussion often comes up during the beginning stages of dating, and apparently a lot of people are lying about their numbers.

My god in heaven. Stop the presses You're telling me people lie about their sexual conquests to complete strangers? Please tell me Ms. Fulbright is getting paid a ridiculous amount of money to bring this previously unknown fact to light. She is? Good. I can sleep tonight.

In honor of this Pulitzer-prize winning journalism, I bring you this classic Onion piece:

STATE COLLEGE, PA—Lisbet "Lizzie" Gilchrist, a second-year undergraduate at Penn State University, told reporters that she has the makings of a good sex-advice columnist Monday.

No Need to See New Cohen Film

Yesterday, we commented on Sacha Baron Cohen's new movie which features Bruno, a gay Austrian fashion reporter. Today, we comment on Sacha Baron Cohen's new movie which features Bruno, a gay Austrian fashion reporter. But not tomorrow - I can see what's happening, and so I am placing a self-imposed two post limit on this latest Cohen project.

According to The Smoking Gun.com:

JULY 8--Lured by $1 beer and the prospect of "hot chicks" and "hardcore fights," thousands of Arkansans were duped last month into appearing as extras in comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's latest staged mayhem. Cohen and his confederates organized cage fighting programs on consecutive days in Texarkana and Fort Smith. Both cards ended with two male grapplers (one was identified as "Straight Dave" and wore camouflage) tearing each other's clothes off and, while in underwear, kissing down their opponent's chest.

Two comments and then the self-imposed limit begins.

1. According to IMDB, this movie isn't being released until May of 2009. If the past two days are any indicator, we can expect weekly, if not daily, updates on Sacha's pranks over the next 10 months. Basically, if you pay attention to entertainment news, you will be able to accurately predict 90% of what will be in the movie. You know how some movies show all the funny parts in the preview? Same thing except it will last FOREVER!

Combine this with the same sort of parroting that followed the Borat movie, and you can skip seeing the movie all together. You'll have the plot (if there is one) basics from all this "news" and your friends will fill you in on the funny details...ad nauseum. You're welcome - I just saved you $10 ($20 if you get popcorn and a drink).

2. This obviously is a viral marketing campaign, and yes, D&F is now part of it. I've got to hand it to the brainiacs in Hollywood. Based on the sort of crap that's been green lighted over the past 10 years, I would have thought a bunch of Down-Syndrome monkeys with an Etch-a-Sketch were producing everything. Now I know that those monkeys apparently know how to manipulate the mass media, which really shouldn't be a surprise seeing that the mass media is run by lobotomized monkeys.

German Scientists: Smart as 11-year Olds

From Breitbart.com:

The dangerous rise in greenhouse gases in the atmosphere may be troubling scientists and world leaders but it could prove to be a boon for plants, German researchers said Tuesday.

Thanks, German scientists. I learned that carbon dioxide was good for plants back in 5th grade. You see, plants breathe CO2 like humans breathe oxygen. And interestingly enough, a by-product of photosynthesis is oxygen (just like a by-product of human breathing is CO2).

According to the article, the German scientists have developed a follow-up theory that sun light and warm temperatures are good for plants as well.

I thought Germans were supposed to be good at science? Einstein was German, right?

Airline Uses Classic Road Trip Threat

We've all been involved in this scenario in one capacity or another. A family is riding along to some destination (presumably fun, like Six Flags* or Disney World), and the kids in the back are getting unruly.

One sibling has violated the sovereign boundaries of the other siblings back seat space (clearly marked by the middle seat belt). Wet-willy attacks are increasing at an exponential rate. And the parents in the front seat are contemplating running into those water barrel things at exits just to make the insanity stop.

Fortunately, the parents stop short of ramming traffic control devices and opt for the classic threat: "If you kids don't stop [insert annoying kid thing here], so help me God, I'm going to turn this car around." And if you're childhood was anything like mine, the car got turned around A LOT.

It appears that this particular technique is not exclusive to family vacation road trips. American Airlines cancelled an entire flight because the passengers had become "verbally agitated and hostile." The flight crew, afraid for their safety and not wanting to deal with a bunch of whiny passengers, refused to fly. Thus, the flight was cancelled.

* - Not Six Flags Over Georgia though. They have evil rides that remove peoples' heads.

People You Don't Mess With

Welcome back. I trust everyone had a good Fourth of July. We'll start the week off with a D&F Public Service Announcement.

There's just some things you don't do. No matter how funny or entertaining they might be, in the interest of self preservation, you don't do them. Here's a brief (but not inclusive list):

- Wrestle a baby bear - the mom is nearby, and while the little cub may seem fun and a pretty easy match up, the pissed off mama bear is going to rip your face off and most likely use it as TP - like the Charmin bears, except less cute and a hell of alot more painful.

- Agree to do any show on MTV - there's only two options if you're on MTV. One, you're chemically imbalanced and have been selected because the slightest insult will trigger a psychotic rampage which will ultimately end with you in anger management and / or rehab; two, you'll become the target of the aforementioned psychotic episode and, as a result of the attack, develop your own chemical imbalance (and dependency) and then flip out. It's a vicious cycle.

- Not running after hearing the words, "Hi, I'm Chris Hanson. What are you doing here?"

Well, we can add another one to the list: messing with the Israeli intelligence service as part of your new movie. Sacha Baren Cohen's (you may know him as Borat) latest movie is pretty much the same thing as Borat, except now he is a gay German designer named Bruno. The hijinks will ensure.

Anyway, "Bruno" secures an interview with a former Mossad official. You know - the people who hunted down and promptly killed anyone that had anything to do with the 1972 murder of Israeli Olympians (go rent Munich for more detail). Also, the entire Israeli military is bad ass. They've won every war they've ever been in, which includes multiple victories over the same countries (just ask Egypt).

So, in addition to the things mentioned above, D&F recommends that you NOT insult or use someone who has access to highly trained professional assassins during the course of your new movie. While it may seem like a good idea and will probably make people laugh, it's just not worth having your ass beat by a pissed off Jewish secret agent.

This guy just watched "You Don't Mess With The Zohan." Fortunately, he thought it was pretty good, so Judd Apatow is only getting a warning shot.

What is this? A Union job?

No, it's the 4th of July. We'll be back in force on Monday (maybe Sunday, if I get inspired). In the mean time, if you're looking for a little patriotic reading lesson, check out this article from American Thinker.

Have a good 4th of July!

Hypersensitive Muslims SUCK!

In the Scottish town of Tayside, the local police setup an advertising campaign to educate people on a new non-emergency phone number for the police:


The puppy is a German Shepherd police dog trainee. He's cute, in case you didn't notice. Well, he's cute to normal people. To a group of jerk face Muslims in Tayside, this poster might as have Mohammad giving two thumbs up to Brokeback Mountain.

In yet another reason why Islam sucks, apparently dogs are considered inherently unclean. And the mere picture of a dog is enough to cause outrage in the Muslim world. Is there anything that just mildly irritates a Muslim? Or is it all or nothing with the Religion of Peace? You're either on the good side of Allah, or you're a name on some suicide bomber's to do list.

In response to the outrage, the Tayside police have put up new posters and postcards in the Muslim parts of the town: