Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Who said it??
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
9:58 AM
Labels: Bobby is a hippie, Democrats, Quotes, Weakness
Clinton To Go After That Elusive (and Critical) Idiot Vote
Unfortunately, idiots are a very large part of the American population, and the majority of them can vote. According to the 2000 census, Idiot-Americans make up approximately 63% of the population, so if one candidate can mobilize a significant number of idiots, they very well may win the White House.
Of course, that begs the question - how does one mobilize an idiot? Conventional wisdom would say give something away for free when an idiot votes for you, like a t-shirt or coozy. It works for credit cards, so why wouldn't it work for a vote? However, since that probably violates multiple laws and one's right to privacy, it's not a viable option. The next logical step would be to get your face and message to the idiots via the TV, which means the candidate looking for the idiot vote has to go on the show for idiots. And that is exactly what the cunning and sharp Hillary Clinton has done.
According to this article in the NY Times, Hillary Clinton will be appearing on an upcoming episode of The Tyra Banks Show. I really wish people would not continue to legitimize the myth that Tyra Banks is a credible journalist by going on her show. Anyway, attempting to capture the idiot vote is the only logical explanation for Hillary going on a show like The Tyra Banks show. For those of you who do not watch The Soup or Best Week Ever, Tyra and her crazed rants / antics are a weekly feature on these shows.
Posted by
Bobby
at
7:46 AM
Labels: barak the magic negro, Clinton, idiot, william watches the tyra banks show
Not So Exclusive---Tom Cruise pitches Scientology!!
This is a gold mine of hilarity. I guess there has been a video floating around the World Wide Web about Tom Cruise pitching his incredible religion of Scientology. Finally someone with big enough rubber testicles has decided to post it. If you follow that link at the top, then you will see what I am talking about. It was on YouTube and Google Video however the fine folks over at Scientology decided that they didn’t want it up and threatened those sites if they didn’t take them down.
The guy that runs Gawker.com decided that this was too news worthy to take down. As he says…if Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch was an 8 on the crazy scale…this is a 10. If you have time watch the entire video. I wonder why if the people at Scientology are so excited about their religion and Tom Cruise as their spokesperson why they want to suppress this video? I am not going to lie…after watching this video I am pretty convinced to make the switch.
You may be asking yourself why I would be willing to do that. Well it is with logic like this (about a minute into the video):
"Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone
else. You drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you
know you're the only one that can really help."
Also, about 4 minutes into the video Cruise speaks of SP’s (no, not sexual predators) but “suppressive persons” and laughs like Hillary Clinton when asked a tough question. This is hilarious and should be watched by anyone that has ever wanted to make fun of Tom Cruise on a higher level. Don’t be worried about the insane level of acronyms he uses. Here is a list of what they mean:
SP—Suppressive Persons
KSW—Keep Scientology Working
PTS’s—Potential Trouble Sources
There are a couple other ones but I couldn’t write them down fast enough…if you catch them you can post a comment and let us know so we can talk the lingo of Scientology. Here is the link again just in case you missed it up top. I would probably go look at it quickly because you never know when he might have to take it down. Enjoy it…this is an early Christmas gift.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
6:28 AM
Labels: crazy, Scientology, Tom Cruise, Your Welcome
TSTWBTAT
TSTWBTAT for January 16, 2008:
In the ACLU telling us it is OK to have sex in public restrooms news:
I don't know what we would do without the ACLU telling us what is private and not private.
In presidential candidates not pandering news:
Hillary thinks President Bush attempt to talk to Middle Eastern nations about the oil price is pathetic...can't wait till she is President.
In Republican primary news:
Mitt takes Michigan...now it is wide open.
In Apple being the coolest news:
I am about to jump on the Apple bandwagon...this new laptop looks pretty, pretty, pretty cool.
In more celebrities having kids without being married news:
Mathew McConaughey to be a dad...maybe the kid will wear a shirt every once in a while.
In a conflict of emotions news:
Mike Nifong declares bankruptcy. I am not sure if I should feel bad for him or not. He did ruin three kids’ lives for political gain. I am torn.
In this man hates rubber testicles on cars news:
Some politician is wasting time and money trying to ban those rubber testicles that hang off the back of trucks.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Ace Ventura Has a Show on National Geogrpahic
Posted by
Bobby
at
4:35 PM
Labels: ace ventura, not the best post, steve irwin, tv
Pacman at another strip club
“at her numerous times and then "sucker punched" her in the left eye.”
It is very possible that this never happened and it is just some hoochie mama trying to get a quick buck. However, why does Pacman continue to put himself in this position? I am in favor of Roger Goodell banning him forever….forever…forever. He is an embarrassment to the great city of Nashville.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
2:04 PM
Labels: Forever, Hoochie Mama, Pacman Jones
Solution to the writer's strike
Is the writer’s strike getting you down? Get home from work or school and have nothing to watch? Actually have to talk to your family? I know how it feels…these writers are playing with our emotions and it is not cool. However there is a solution.
Netflix and Blockbuster Total Access offer a great way for you to revisit past favorites or get turned onto new favorites. Since the advent of TV shows on DVD, you are able to go and check out shows that maybe you didn’t have time for or maybe just thought looked stupid (like Battlestar Galactica…Sean). Since we won’t be seeing any new shows for a while (except for Chuck which will show 2 new hours on Monday then it will be done until the strike is over) this gives you the perfect opportunity to catch up on other shows.
Blockbuster Total Access and Netflix gives you the simple solution of mailing the DVD's to you. I am sure yall have heard of both of these services but never actually taken the plunge and signed up for one of them. I bet you would like me to sit here and tell you which one is better and give a very detailed review of each. Well I am not going to do that because I am not a nerd…but this guy seems to be. He does a pretty decent job at taking you through the pros and cons of each and he concludes nothing. He says that each person’s situation dictates which one will work better for them. Some kid in a dorm room will probably like Netflix better since they stream movies. However for a family or someone living close to a Blockbuster will like the ability to rent and return movies at a store. Also, both places offer a free trial subscription…so just try it for yourself and let us know which one you prefer.
-------------------------
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
12:49 PM
Labels: boring, Sean, writer's strike
Philip Rivers...you're no gentleman.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
6:25 AM
Labels: Chargers, I am rad, Philip Rivers, Punk
TSTWBTAT
TSTWBTAT for January 15, 2008:
In useless Colorado State House members news:
Arrogant Colorado State House member kicks photographer....for taking his picture.
In sucks for wine drinkers news:
The same bottle of wine taste better when it is priced at $90 than when it is priced at $10.
In a little too little a little too late news:
Toshiba decides to drop the entry level HD DVD player to $150. Great move...should've been done before Christmas.
In the dumbest plot by a newspaper ever news:
The New York Post planted a fake Jessica Simpson at the Dallas game to distract Romo. However, the planned failed since the fake Jessica looks like a man.
In a dagger to the heart of true college football fans news:
There will not be any talk of a playoff...the NCAA presidents tabled the motion in Nashville yesterday.
Apologies from the Staff
Anyway, I had every intention of posting some good stuff yesterday, but then my stupid paying job got in the way - meetings, phone calls, employees wanting paychecks - what's up with that? Every time I sat down to start another great post, something would interrupt me.And more bad news - I'm not going to be in the office for most of today, so I won't be able to post, again....
But, I have some good stuff in reserve, and I will have it up this afternoon / evening. In the meantime, check out this website. It has all sorts of random generators - the horoscope generator, TV pitch show generator, and my personal favorite - The Sick Clown Generator. Don't worry - it's not as bad as it sounds.
Posted by
Bobby
at
5:08 AM
Friday, January 11, 2008
Today's Sign of the Apocalypse
A Saskatchewan woman who overdosed on crystal methamphetamine has successfully won a precedent-setting civil lawsuit against the drug dealer who sold her the highly addictive drug.
Full story here.
Posted by
Bobby
at
1:08 PM
Labels: canada sucks, idiot, william is canadian
Caption Contest
Original caption from Yahoo News Photos:
Put your own caption on this photo in the comments section. The winner will get something...all the unfunny ones will be ridiculed.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
9:18 AM
Labels: Caption This Photo, Floyd Landis Award, William is hilarious
Hillary Clinton Will Say Absolutely Anything...
One of my biggest complaints about politicians is how they shamelessly pander to whatever audience they have. Both sides do it, but it seems to get absolutely out of control with the Democrats.
Let's take a look at Hillary Clinton. We've all seen / heard the little episode a few months ago when she suddenly developed a thick southern accent when addressing a largely African-American audience. Well, she attempted a southern accent. What came out was some horrible mix of a dying vulture and Britney Spears singing without digital enhancement (it's not pretty).
Yesterday, the insanity continued. Hillary is out in Nevada, talking to the people, and letting everyone know she is the candidate of the people and for the people. In a staged door-to-door campaigning event, she walked through a lower-income, Hispanic neighborhood. Because Las Vegas had been a rapidly growing area, most of the people in this low-income area work in the construction industry. This, of course, led to comments on the supposed recession and how the government should step in and help these people. Not too bad, I guess, but let's look at what she actually said:
"We treat these problems as if one is guacamole and one is chips, when ... they both go together," she said.
Posted by
Bobby
at
8:39 AM
Labels: Clinton, Politics, william is not awesome
Could the HD-DVD/Blu-Ray War Be Over?
Variety is reporting that the last of the major studios backing the HD DVD format is considering a switch to Blu-Ray. That would give Sony (who backs Blu-Ray) a major victory in the battle for high definition media supremacy. At Christmas it was still considered a stalemate as to which format was going to win, but this week Warner Brothers, who was selling movies in both formats, decided to go exclusively to Blu-Ray.
I personally don’t care which format wins. I hear they both produce a pretty nice picture on an HDTV, I am glad to hear that one if winning over the other so I can start to contemplate the purchase of a Blu-Ray player. There are players that will play both type of disc, but those go for over $1200. Now that Universal (the movie studio) is considering Blu-Ray, movies like the Bourne Ultimatum will be on Blu-Ray at some point. This is great news for the consumer. If this turns out to be true, then I suspect there will be a massive drive to buy Blu-Ray. Sony looks like it is finally avenging the loss of Betamax.
I know that this is not a funny post…so here is a “Yo Mama” joke to make up for it:
Yo mama is so stupid, she has a glass door with a peep hole.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
6:16 AM
Labels: Blu-Ray, HD DVD, Really Stupid Joke, Yo Mama
Honoring The Game
While helping out last year with a 6th grade basketball team (The Miscellaneous Heat) I was able to discover the true meaning behind basketball. It’s not scoring more points, it’s not who wins the most games (although those things are nice)…it comes down to who gets the “Honor The Game” trophy at the end of the season. This also signifies who the worst team is in the league but they wanted the kids to win something.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
5:55 AM
Labels: Honoring The Game, Not Good, Saint Louis University
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Think Our Presidential Candidates Suck?
Posted by
Bobby
at
12:43 PM
$3,000,000,000,000,000
The article does not get much information regarding this person, but it does tell us they live in a town about 90 miles north of New Orleans and a city that is packed with trailers with people living in them since Hurricane Katrina. So I think we can safely assume that this person lives in a trailer provided to them at tax payer’s expense. He (or she) has been living off of the tax payer for two years…at least. For two years they have been unable to venture out on their own or find their own place to live. They seem to be content living in a government sponsored trailer. My closed minded guess is that this is an upgrade in living accommodations from before Katrina.
My hunch is that this person is not a lawyer so he had to involve one to sue the government. Which means that someone who is perceived to be intelligent (the lawyer) had to agree to this number as well. Heck, why wouldn’t they. If they get the typical 25% (that might even be low) cut of the settlement he is looking at a $750,000,000,000,000 (that is trillion) payday. He would become the second richest person in the world instantly. Lets say that Louisiana was going to sue the Army Corps of Engineers for $3 quadrillion…that would be $699,644,720 per resident (per 2006 Census numbers). That would be a pretty nice payday for doing nothing.
-----------------------------------
Another calculation for you: If the world population split this amount it would be $500,000 per man, woman and child.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
6:37 AM
Labels: idiot, Katrina, lawsuit, William is the coolest
Do You Know How To Exorcise Yourself?
Say you wake up one morning and discover the Mark of the Beast (666) somewhere on your person. Maybe you shouldn't have invited those Jehovah's Witnesses in for coffee the other day or watched that episode of Will and Grace. Who knows? I'm not judging.
Whatever you did to deserve it, you have now angered God, and you are on the fast-track for a smiting. The best way to solve this problem is remove whatever part of your body has the mark - preferably using some sort of power tool, like a skill saw. But wait - there is one more step. If there's one thing the Devil absolutely cannot stand, it's microwave radiation. So take the recently severed appendage, toss that bad boy into the microwave, and nuke it for a couple minutes. While you're waiting for the demons in the hand / foot / leg / other body part to be fully exorcised (cooked), you might want to call 911 and put some pressure on that open wound.
Sound crazy? Well, tell that to this guy. (No, it's not a picture. It's a news story about someone who actually cut of his hand.....and microwaved it).
Posted by
Bobby
at
5:39 AM
Labels: bobby is awesome, crazy, idiot
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
William Got "Linda Tripp-ed"
Posted by
Bobby
at
12:28 PM
Labels: bobby is awesome, william is not awesome
I redact my predictions!!!
Not too long ago I boldly predicted what was going to happen in the Presidential primaries. I went out on a limb and declared Obama the victor even though only one state had actually voted. I thought that he had momentum and nothing could stop him...I clearly underestimated the Clinton's.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
7:39 AM
Labels: Barack Obama, Clinton, McCain, Presidential Election, Romeny, Stuff
Boo Bobby!!
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
7:33 AM
You Did What for $355? Really?
Anyway, I wake up this morning and find this story on The New York Times:
Even for the once-notorious Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood, it may have been a first: Two men were arrested on Tuesday after pushing a corpse, seated in an office chair, along the sidewalk to a check-cashing store to cash the dead man’s Social Security check, the police said.
Straight out of Weekend at Bernie's. The two criminal masterminds were down on their luck and could use a little extra cash. So they took the recently deceased's Social Security check, strapped the body to an office chair, and hoofed it to the nearest check cashing place. The check cashing employee insisted that the dead guy be the one to cash the check, and when Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber went outside to roll in the guest of honor, a crowd had gathered. Apparently, a dead body strapped to a chair on a New York sidewalk is not a common occurrence.
Posted by
Bobby
at
6:24 AM
Labels: bobby is awesome, idiot, william is not awesome
TSTWBTAT
TSTWBTAT for January 9, 2008:
In Communist China being heartless news:
China bans free plastic shopping bags. Where will it end commies?
In phrases that I am already tired of hearing news:
Clinton and McCain overuse the expression "comeback kid".
In Weekend at Bernie's copycat news:
2 guys arrested after wheeling a dead corpse in a chair to a check cashing place to get his Social Security. Brilliant!!!
In Hall of Fame news:
Goose Gossage rips Clemens...Zinger!
In college football playoff news:
Thank you Michael Adams (President of UGA) for speaking the truth.
In college football final news:
Final Top 25 for the AP and USA Today Coaches Poll.
In "COME ON" news:
Knocked up high schoolers want 4 weeks of maternity leave.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
9
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
7:37 AM
Labels: 9, I am awesome, LSU, nine, The Big Ten Sucks, The Ohio State University
TSTWBTAT
TSTWBTAT for January 8, 2008
In polar bears aren't so cute news:
Polar bear mom eats her cub...because she can.
In New Hampshire Primary news:
A really, really small New Hampshire town voted at midnight...big freaking deal.
In the SEC being awesome news:
LSU and Ohio State played football last night...I didn't know anything about it.
In actors not getting any SWAG news:
The Golden Globes Award Show is canceled...God does love us.
In great news for MTV Cribs (if that show is still on) and rappers:
It's only 150 inches...(insert your own that's what she said joke here).
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
6:23 AM
Labels: I am the coolest person alive, TSTWBTAT
SEC to THE Ohio State University: HA-HA!
Posted by
Bobby
at
6:04 AM
Labels: BCS, bobby is awesome, Ohio State
Monday, January 7, 2008
9-11 Conspiracy Theory Buffs Don't Need No Stinkin' Science
Posted by
Bobby
at
3:32 PM
Labels: 9-11 Conspiracy, bobby is awesome, idiot
Out for Today
I am traveling to the great state of North Carolina today and will not be active in the blogosphere until later tonight. I apologize to my tens of fans who will undoubtedly be disappointed. Hopefully Bobby will continue to pick up my slack. I leave you with the quote of the day (submitted by B1):
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
4:19 AM
Labels: B1, I am awesome, Out
Sunday, January 6, 2008
5 Biggest Baseball Scandals
B1 is stepping up to the plate (no pun intended) and filling in for me while I travel. He did his research and came up with the 5 biggest baseball scandals. Please to enjoy.
On March 5, 1973, at the New York Yankees’ spring training camp in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., pitchers Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson announced they had swapped wives, two children apiece and even family dogs. (For the record, the Kekiches had a terrier, the Petersons a poodle.)
“Neither Fritz Peterson nor I will ever make it into the Hall of Fame,” Kekich said years later. “But I know our names keep popping up in the Hall of Shame. I don’t lose any sleep over it, but I really don’t think it’s fair.” Kekich seemed the biggest loser, in more ways than one. Previously noted mainly as the pitcher who surrendered Frank Howard’s home run in the Washington Senators’ last game two years earlier, he was traded early in the 1973 season to Cleveland, where he went 2-5 with a 7.48 ERA. The following year, the Indians cut him.“My whole career went into a black hole (after the swap),” Kekich said. “It was awful.”Of his short-lived fling with Marilyn Peterson, Kekich recalled, “Marilyn and I thought we were perfectly suited, just like Fritz and Susanne. Marilyn was all for the swap in the beginning, but then she backed off. All four of us had agreed in the beginning that if anyone wasn’t happy, the thing would be called off. But when Marilyn and I decided to call it off, the other couple already had gone off with each other.”
#4 – Cocaine Scandals
Pirates players Dave Parker, Dale Berra, Rod Scurry, Lee Mazzilli, Lee Lacy, and John Milner as well as Keith Hernandez, Tim Raines, and Lonnie Smith were summoned to appear before a Pittsburgh grand jury. Their testimony led to the Pittsburgh Drug Trials, which made national headlines in September, 1985. (Barry Bonds just missed this scandal ... he was a Pirate rookie in 86).
Despite the problem of cocaine use and abuse being a baseball-wide problem, it was perceived as just a "Pittsburgh problem" by the national media. Arguably, it led to the more widespread awareness of use of other drugs such as amphetamines ("greenies" in baseball vernacular) and marijuana in the game. Both have a long history in baseball; Milner (who had retired two years earlier due to recurring hamstring injuries), in fact, spoke of Willie Mays (Bonds’ godfather) and Willie Stargell, both iconic figures and Hall of Famers, giving him "greenies". Milner died at age 50.
Testimony revealed that drug dealers frequented the Pirates' clubhouse. Stories such as Rod Scurry leaving a game in the late innings to look for cocaine and John Milner buying two grams of cocaine for $200 in the bathroom stalls at Three Rivers Stadium during a 1980 game against the Houston Astros shocked the grand jurors. Even Kevin Koch, who played the Pirates' mascot, was implicated for buying cocaine and introducing players to a drug dealer.
On February 28, 1986, Peter Ueberroth suspended a number of players for varying lengths of time. A primary condition of reinstatement was public service. It would have also included urine tests, but the players union was able to successfully halt its implementation. To this day, drug testing, particularly of this sort, is a polarizing issue.
Rod Scurry died at age 36 on November 5, 1992 in a Reno, Nevada intensive care unit of a heart attack after a cocaine-fueled incident with police officers led to his hospitalization. Drug abuse also ruined the promising career of Dale Berra, the son of Hall of Famer Yogi Berra. Dave Parker's cocaine abuse likely cost himself possible induction into the Hall of Fame
#3 – Black Sox Scandal
Eight players from the Chicago White Sox were accused of throwing the series against the Cincinnati Reds. Details of the scandal remain controversial, and the extent to which each man was involved varied. It was, however, front-page news across the country when the story was uncovered late in the 1920 season, and despite being acquitted of criminal charges (throwing baseball games was technically not a crime), the eight players were banned from organized baseball (i.e. the leagues subject to the National Agreement) for life.
Although betting had been an ongoing problem in baseball since the 1870s, it reached a head in this scandal, resulting in radical changes in the game's organization. It resulted in the appointment of a Commissioner of Baseball, a former federal judge named Kennesaw Mountain Landis, who took firm steps to try to rid the game of gambling influence permanently. The ancillary fallout - regrettably Landis was a racist - he perpetuated the color line and prolonged the segregation of organized baseball for another quarter century. His successor Happy Chandler said, "For twenty-four years Judge Landis wouldn't let a black man play.
One important step was the lifetime ban against the Black Sox Scandal participants. The "eight men out" were the great "natural hitter" "Shoeless" Joe Jackson; pitchers Eddie Cicotte and "Lefty" Williams; infielders "Buck" Weaver, "Chick" Gandil, Fred McMullin, and "Swede" Risberg; and outfielder "Happy" Felsch. In 1988, a movie was made about the scandal called Eight Men Out, based on the book of the same name by Eliot Asinof.
#2 – Pete Rose Gambling
The Dowd Report asserted that Pete Rose bet on fifty-two Reds games in 1987, at a minimum of $10,000 a day. Rose, facing a very harsh punishment, decided to seek a compromise with Major League Baseball. On August 24, 1989, Rose agreed to a voluntary lifetime ban from baseball. The agreement had three key provisions:
- Major League Baseball would make no finding of fact regarding gambling allegations and cease their investigation;
- Pete Rose was neither admitting or denying the charges; and
- Pete Rose could apply for reinstatement after one year.
To Rose's chagrin, however, Giamatti immediately stated publicly that he felt that Pete Rose bet on baseball games. Then, in a stunning follow-up event, Giamatti, a heavy smoker for many years, suffered a fatal heart attack just eight days later, on September 1. Many believed that the Rose case gave Giamatti the distress which led to his untimely passing. The fact that Rose is still not allowed to be reinstated, in the face of such divisive inclusion of racists like Ty Cobb and Kennesaw Landis (to name two of many) and drug cheats of the past 25 years is a joke. He has paid his dues.
#1 Steroids ERA... The Mitchell Report
Mitchell's investigation focused on players, without investigating the role teams played. Mitchell reported that the Major League Baseball Players Association was "largely uncooperative". According to Mitchell, the Players Association effectively discouraged players from cooperating with the investigation.
Only two active players were interviewed for the report. Of five players who were approached by the investigators for interviews because of their public statements on the issue, Toronto Blue Jays designated hitter Frank Thomas was the only one willing to be interviewed. Also interviewed were admitted steroid user and New York Yankees DH Jason Giambi.
Over 700 people were interviewed during the investigation. Of 500 former players contacted, 68 agreed to be interviewed, and three others had interviews arranged by law enforcement. Interviews with current or former club officials, managers, coaches, team physicians, athletic trainers, or resident security agents accounted for another 550 interviews. The teams and the Commissioner's Office supplied Mitchell with more than 115,000 pages of documents and 2,000 electronic documents.
Jose Conseco has stated that more than 50% of ball players playing during his career were taking steroids and/or HGH but hell, let’s say its only 25%. Bud Selig should have the baseBALLS to ban them all from the game, strip them of all records and implement a policy as serious as cycling has and tell the players union to stuff it! Guys like Aaron, Maddox, Glavine, Robinson, Mantle and others deserve respect and honor while the cheaters should be driven from the game and the record books.
As a side note to the Clemens lovers, outside of an experimental approach to combat chronic fatigue syndrome -- many doctors universally reject the efficacy of B-12 shots for healthy people who don't suffer from vitamin deficiencies. Insiders from the bodybuilding community believe vitamin B-12 is an effective masking agent for urine tests.
Posted by
William Sawyer
at
8:02 PM
Labels: B1, Baseball Scandals, Guest Blogger, List











