Respectable Campaigns Suck

Listen - it seems that McCain and Obama are going out of their way to run a "respectable" campaign while the Clintons are doing anything but run a respectable campaign. According to Politico.com, McCain's campaign manager sent out a mass e-mail to supporters and others asking them to stay on message, talk the approved talking points, and not engage in personal attacks on McCain's opponents.

In case you were wondering, this is more than likely in response to several separate incidents in the past few days where people have dared to mention Barack's middle name, which is Hussein. As for Obama, well, if you can get him to stop talking about "hope" and "change," then maybe he would start throwing a little mud.

Clinton, meanwhile, is pulling out all the stops. I don't think anyone in the Clinton camp will come out and say it, but Geraldine Ferarro said what everyone already knows - Barack Obama is where is primarily because of his race. Can you imagine what would happen if a white Republican said that? Holy crap - Spitzer probably would have gotten a get of a jail free card and not had to resign.

Anyway, the point here is that I (and I think the American public in general) want to see things get dirty and out of hand. I want to see how a candidate will react when someone intentionally tries to push his (or her) buttons. Despite the happiness us normal people get from watching celebrities and the like get knocked down a couple pegs, it's a good way to see if that person can sustain the sort of criticism that goes along with being President. W certainly hasn't enjoyed the respect due The President of the United States during his 8 years, and there's absolutely no reason to expect that whoever wins in November is going to get a free pass once he (or she) is in office.

So, here is a list of questions for each candidate that I think would spcie things up a bit and really show us if the candidate is ready for the merciless satire and criticism that goes along with being the Most Powerful Man (or Woman) in the World:

Hillary Clinton:

1. Please provide the details of the deal you made with the DNC (and the Devil). Specifically, what convinced you to stay with your husband, and do you really think your marriage is a good example for people to follow?

2. Please tell a good ol' southern story using your southern accent. You know, the one you use when talking to black people in a church.

3. Explain, in detail, how pulling our troops out of Iraq within 60 days of taking office will help curb terrorist action against the U.S.

Barack Obama:

1. Why can't people use your middle name? Are you not going to use it when you are sworn into the office?

2. Explain why your wife is proud of her country for the first time in her adult life. Was she not proud of winning the Cold War, the U.S. Constitution in general, the fact that she was able to attend ivy league schools?

3. Please tell me what exactly you plan do to bring about "change" and how does "hope" affect your national security plan.

4. Explain, in detail, how pulling our troops out of Iraq within 60 days of taking office will help curb terrorist action against the U.S.

John McCain

1. Are you crazy?

2. Do you think the bills you have sponsored and positions you have taken truly reflect the conservative movement? Yes, I know you were a Reagan foot soldier. But answer the question.

3. Why can't we drill for oil in Alaska?

I'm sure there's plenty more question out there, but that's all I could come up with on the spot. The Democratic primary process is getting more and more entertaining. I'm actually more interested in that than what John McCain is saying.

Anyway, the week is half over. See everyone tomorrow.

Hillary Clinton Thinks You're an Idiot

This upcoming Saturday, South Carolina holds its Democratic primary. For those of you not intimately familiar with the primary process, South Carolina, for some reason, has the Republican and Democratic primaries on different days. My guess is that since South Carolina is so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, they're getting while the getting is good.

Anyway, the Dems had themselves a debate this past weekend, and as I'm sure all you well informed D&F'ers know, Hillary and Barack got into what can be best described as a brother and sister arguing over who gets the front seat. One of the major points of contention is that prior to the debate, Barack made a relatively objective comment about President Ronald Regan.

Hillary promptly misconstrued the comment as an endorsement of the conservative President and then proceeded to nag Barack incessantly. She also made a point to say that Regan and his policies were bad for America. Um, yeah - the Cold War was a good thing; it never should have ended, and his economic policies setup the bull market of the 90's (for which Bill Clinton got the credit), but sure, Regan was a bad President.

Well, apparently, Hillary is having some trouble making up her mind about Regan. According to HillaryClinton.com, the Presidential hopeful lists not only Regan, but George H. W. Bush as some of her favorite Presidents. I'm waiting for someone in the media to get hold of this minor discrepancy, but I'm not holding my breath.

On a completely seperate note - what is up with Hiallry and Bill in that picture? If I didn't know the Clintons, I would describe this picture as two stoners looking for a ride to Woodstock. The only thing that's missing from that picture is a cardboard sign that says "Have weed, will travel."

(Un)Intentional Funny Headline of the Day

While reading the headlines, trying to stay up to date on all the current events, I see this:

"GUESTS GATHER FOR HILLARY FUNERAL"

What was your first reaction? Don't lie. I know what it was. If you're not a morbid, sick, twisted person, I'm betting that you thought Hillary Clinton had dropped her candidacy, and some smart-ass producer at CNN.com was being cute. If you are morbid, sick, and twisted, you thought Hillary Clinton was dead. And then you laughed.

Well, Hillary Clinton is alive and well, and, unfortunately*, doing quite well in her bid for the White House. This headline is for the famous explorer Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to conquer Mt. Everest. So put away the champagne, Barack.

On a semi-related note, I saw that CBS is bringing back Jericho this winter (Don't worry, I'll tie this into the Hillary Clinton reference in a minute). Last I checked, that show had been canceled because the idea of Skeet Ulrich saving anything is completely outside the realm of willful suspension of disbelief. And then I read this article. Apparently, the 14 people that liked Jericho sent an ungodly amount of peanuts to CBS, which convinced them to put Jericho back on the air. Personally, I think it's a form of group punishment rather than giving into the dreaded peanut petition.

So this got me thinking - perhaps we can convince Hillary to drop out of the race by sending her a quadrillion of something. It needs to be something completely random like used coffee filters, 8 track cassettes, or used Pictionary drawings. I don't know - just something. Leave a comment with your suggestion, and we can do this thing grass roots style.

Footnotes:
* Yep, I really don't want Hillary in the White House. Not because she's a woman, but because she will be a horrible President.

Rare Footage of Hillary Clinton in High School

So some creative person spliced together scenes from the great dark comedy Election and Hillary Clinton speaking. It's kinda creepy how similar the two are. Although, Reese Witherspoon is about 1,000,000,000 times better looking than Hillary Clinton.



P.S. - I would normally leave the video posting to Sean, but he continues his strike.

Clinton To Go After That Elusive (and Critical) Idiot Vote

All you ever hear about in the news is the critical "undecided voters" or the ever-important "minority vote" (I like to call that one the "not white male vote"). Well, Hillary Clinton might have figured out the secret to beating Barack the Magic Negro: the large and often overlooked idiot vote. It should be noted that just because someone is thinking about / has decided to vote for Hillary, it does not mean they are necessarily an idiot.

Unfortunately, idiots are a very large part of the American population, and the majority of them can vote. According to the 2000 census, Idiot-Americans make up approximately 63% of the population, so if one candidate can mobilize a significant number of idiots, they very well may win the White House.

Of course, that begs the question - how does one mobilize an idiot? Conventional wisdom would say give something away for free when an idiot votes for you, like a t-shirt or coozy. It works for credit cards, so why wouldn't it work for a vote? However, since that probably violates multiple laws and one's right to privacy, it's not a viable option. The next logical step would be to get your face and message to the idiots via the TV, which means the candidate looking for the idiot vote has to go on the show for idiots. And that is exactly what the cunning and sharp Hillary Clinton has done.

According to this article in the NY Times, Hillary Clinton will be appearing on an upcoming episode of The Tyra Banks Show. I really wish people would not continue to legitimize the myth that Tyra Banks is a credible journalist by going on her show. Anyway, attempting to capture the idiot vote is the only logical explanation for Hillary going on a show like The Tyra Banks show. For those of you who do not watch The Soup or Best Week Ever, Tyra and her crazed rants / antics are a weekly feature on these shows.

Just to hammer the point home, here are some other topics that will be featured on The Tyra Banks Show this week: The Dangers of the Hook-Up, Sex SOS: Can My Sex Problem Be Solved, and 5 Ways To Get Over Being Dumped. And let's not forget about past topics such as Witches, Gadgets to Catch a Cheating Man, and the time she wore a fat suit to find out what it's like to be fat.

It should also be noted that Barack Obama visited the show back in September, which would indicate that the Democrats are primarily interested in the idiot vote.

Hillary Clinton Will Say Absolutely Anything...

...if it will get her elected.

One of my biggest complaints about politicians is how they shamelessly pander to whatever audience they have. Both sides do it, but it seems to get absolutely out of control with the Democrats.

Let's take a look at Hillary Clinton. We've all seen / heard the little episode a few months ago when she suddenly developed a thick southern accent when addressing a largely African-American audience. Well, she attempted a southern accent. What came out was some horrible mix of a dying vulture and Britney Spears singing without digital enhancement (it's not pretty).

Yesterday, the insanity continued. Hillary is out in Nevada, talking to the people, and letting everyone know she is the candidate of the people and for the people. In a staged door-to-door campaigning event, she walked through a lower-income, Hispanic neighborhood. Because Las Vegas had been a rapidly growing area, most of the people in this low-income area work in the construction industry. This, of course, led to comments on the supposed recession and how the government should step in and help these people. Not too bad, I guess, but let's look at what she actually said:

Clinton said unscrupulous lending leads to bad mortgages, which lead to foreclosures, which lead to people with nowhere to go and vacant neighborhoods that can go rapidly downhill.
"We treat these problems as if one is guacamole and one is chips, when ... they both go together," she said.

Come on - chips and guacamole? She might as well have told everyone who was out of a job to go apply at Taco Bell since they already know how to make Mexican food. If I were Hispanic, I might find this a tad bit degrading.

And here's the winner: When some random guy yelled out that his wife is illegal, Hillary replied that, "No woman is illegal." Was she drunk when she said that? Did someone hit her over the head immediately before this little exchange? This is worse than John Edwards saying if Bush would allow embryonic stem cell research, Christopher Reeve would be alive and walking around today.

There's a theory out there that in order to get another true conservative like Ronald Regan, a complete failure of a President like Jimmy Carter has to precede him. At this point, I'm almost willing to suffer through a Carter-like presidency if it means the country gets its priorities in order.

I redact my predictions!!!

Not too long ago I boldly predicted what was going to happen in the Presidential primaries. I went out on a limb and declared Obama the victor even though only one state had actually voted. I thought that he had momentum and nothing could stop him...I clearly underestimated the Clinton's.

Obama was up double digits in some polls that were released yesterday and I thought that at 8:00pm last night (when the polls closed) Obama was going to be declared the winner and might even announce he was running for King of the World. That clearly did not happen and now Hillary gets to call herself the "Comeback Kid" forever. Whoever thought that she should tear up the day before the vote is a genius. I am not saying that move was political...but it was, come on, its the Clinton's.

On the Republican side McCain won by 5% and that was pretty much expected (if not closer than people thought). While I do not support McCain in the primaries I am not too upset that he won...at least it was The Huck. Mitt should have won New Hampshire...he summers there (Bobby claims that if you use summer as a verb you are rich...I tend to agree). It is now on to Michigan for the Republicans and the race will be between McCain, Romney and The Huck. Huck will have more Evangelicals to rely on, McCain will have the wave of momentum and Romeny's dad was the governor there a long time ago. It should be close but I guess anything is possible.

I am finished with predictions on the primaries...obviously they only bring me shame. So I officially redact my earlier predictions...therefore you can not bring them up at any future time. The power of redaction.