Hillary Clinton Will Say Absolutely Anything...

...if it will get her elected.

One of my biggest complaints about politicians is how they shamelessly pander to whatever audience they have. Both sides do it, but it seems to get absolutely out of control with the Democrats.

Let's take a look at Hillary Clinton. We've all seen / heard the little episode a few months ago when she suddenly developed a thick southern accent when addressing a largely African-American audience. Well, she attempted a southern accent. What came out was some horrible mix of a dying vulture and Britney Spears singing without digital enhancement (it's not pretty).

Yesterday, the insanity continued. Hillary is out in Nevada, talking to the people, and letting everyone know she is the candidate of the people and for the people. In a staged door-to-door campaigning event, she walked through a lower-income, Hispanic neighborhood. Because Las Vegas had been a rapidly growing area, most of the people in this low-income area work in the construction industry. This, of course, led to comments on the supposed recession and how the government should step in and help these people. Not too bad, I guess, but let's look at what she actually said:

Clinton said unscrupulous lending leads to bad mortgages, which lead to foreclosures, which lead to people with nowhere to go and vacant neighborhoods that can go rapidly downhill.
"We treat these problems as if one is guacamole and one is chips, when ... they both go together," she said.

Come on - chips and guacamole? She might as well have told everyone who was out of a job to go apply at Taco Bell since they already know how to make Mexican food. If I were Hispanic, I might find this a tad bit degrading.

And here's the winner: When some random guy yelled out that his wife is illegal, Hillary replied that, "No woman is illegal." Was she drunk when she said that? Did someone hit her over the head immediately before this little exchange? This is worse than John Edwards saying if Bush would allow embryonic stem cell research, Christopher Reeve would be alive and walking around today.

There's a theory out there that in order to get another true conservative like Ronald Regan, a complete failure of a President like Jimmy Carter has to precede him. At this point, I'm almost willing to suffer through a Carter-like presidency if it means the country gets its priorities in order.

William Got "Linda Tripp-ed"

Earlier today, William got a little upset about my superior ability to find funny news stories and provide witty commentary. For those of you that do not refresh D&F every 5 minutes, here's a brief synopsis of what happened:

- I posted the story and my comments at approximately 6:24am Central Standard Time.

- About 15 minutes later, William posted his TSTWBTAT, which included the same story I had already posted.

- William gets mad and jealous of my superior writing skills, and promptly changes the post time on his post to 10 minutes before my original post.

- When confronted with this, William categorically denied the allegations, not unlike 'roid-freak Roger Clemens.

Well, unbeknownst to William, a conversation with an unspecified informant was recorded earlier today. Thanks to The Patriot Act (and Karl Rove) no warrant was required for this phone tap. In this recording, William admits to changing the time of the post.

I am currently writing my congressman demanding a full investigation into this blatant disregard for proper blog-etiquette.

You Did What for $355? Really?

I couldn't decide if this was a Sign of the Apocalypse story or not. I decided to err on the side of caution and save the Apocalypse awards for Fox's upcoming new shows - like The Moment of Truth, where people are strapped to a polygraph and get the chance to win $500,000 if they don't lie on questions like 'Have you ever accepted cash for sex?' or 'Have you cheated on your spouse?'. Gold. Solid freakin' gold.

Anyway, I wake up this morning and find this story on The New York Times:

Even for the once-notorious Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood, it may have been a first: Two men were arrested on Tuesday after pushing a corpse, seated in an office chair, along the sidewalk to a check-cashing store to cash the dead man’s Social Security check, the police said.

Straight out of Weekend at Bernie's. The two criminal masterminds were down on their luck and could use a little extra cash. So they took the recently deceased's Social Security check, strapped the body to an office chair, and hoofed it to the nearest check cashing place. The check cashing employee insisted that the dead guy be the one to cash the check, and when Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber went outside to roll in the guest of honor, a crowd had gathered. Apparently, a dead body strapped to a chair on a New York sidewalk is not a common occurrence.

If this isn't a sign that we need Social Security reform, then I don't know what will do the trick. I would like to think that when I start drawing my Social Security (let's pretend it's going to be there in 50 years, for the sake of argument), $355 is not enough to make me 'pull a Bernie' on my best friend. I'm thinking at least $1,000. Just kidding.

I guess it's not really a sign of the Apocalypse; rather, just one more stunning example that people will do anything for money - Fear Factor, Jackass, The Moment of Truth, and the list goes on.