ESPN is Trying to Kill Me

February through August is the most boring part of the year, as far as sports go. There is absolutely no football. While this leaves a void on the weekend for yours truly (all too often filled with stupid chores), it does give my blood pressure a chance to rest. I don't get all worked up about the absolutely retarded polls that lead to even more insanity in the BCS, and I don't have to listen to Lee Corso talk about his 3 days of coaching at Louisville. Hey, Lee, if your coaching advice was any good, you'd still be coaching.

Well, Mark Sclabach can't leave well enough alone. He's decided to go ahead and rank the top teams. And since I too can't leave well enough alone, I'm going to make fun of his stupid picks. Don't worry - I'm not going to go through all 25 teams he ranked. I'll simply target the 4 or 5 most ridiculous.

#1 - The University of Georgia. Good job, Mark. You got this one right. There were many a people who thought the Bulldogs should have played in the National Championships, but I'm not going to complain too much because the Championship stayed in the SEC, THE Ohio State University lost....again, and Hawaii was exposed as a not-so-great team when they have to play against a real defense.

#2 - Oklahoma University. Are you F-ing kidding me? In 2007, the Sooners lost to two unranked teams (Texas Tech and Colorado) before going on to be destroyed by West Virginia in the Fiesta Bowl. They have now lost a good chunk of their experience, but Mark thinks that Sam Bradford is the second coming. Whatever.

#3 - THE Ohio State University. First off, Congress (since they're in the habit of making sure everything is on the up and up in sports) needs to ban the Buckeyes from the National Championship for the next 5 years. It's simply mean to play with OSU fans' emotions like that. They already live in a crappy state. There's no need to keep fooling them into thinking they're going to beat an SEC team. And good ol' Jim Tressel is once again going after football powerhouses like Youngstown State, Ohio University, and Troy State.

#7 - The University of Florida. Ok, they probably deserve a higher ranking than 7, seeing that they have a returning Heisman winner at quarterback. But I don't like Tim Tebow. And I really don't like Urban Meyer. He's a first class jackass. How did that stupid little "calling the time-out right before the snap" work out for you, Urban? It didn't. You lost to Auburn....again. HA!

#16 - Auburn University. Probably a good spot for Auburn. When Auburn ran the table in 2004, we started at #17 (AP) and #18 (Coach's). As infuriating as it is to listen to commentators not give Auburn any respect, it seems to be good for Tommy and the Tigers. And with Brandon Cox not throwing interceptions anymore, Auburn should be much better off.

There's a couple other questionable rankings in there - Missouri, Kansas, Clemson, Texas Tech. Sure these teams did well last year, but we all remember what happened to Louisville, Rutgers and BYU in 2006. They pulled off some upsets, but couldn't seem to keep it up the following season. Oh well. I don't think the real preseason polls come out until April, so maybe a couple months of rest will do my heart good.

SEC to THE Ohio State University: HA-HA!

Is this really a surprise to anyone? I didn't bother listening to the pre-game predictions because I'm sure they all centered around Jim Tressel and how he motivated his players by showing tapes from last year's blow-out loss to Florida. Good job, Jim. In related news, Ohio just outlawed sweater vests.

This makes 9 straight losses to an SEC team in a bowl game. Additionally, 7 different teams have put the smack down on THE Ohio State University - including 2 back-to-back losses to South Carolina before they were anything to write home about.

Following Michigan destroying Florida on January 1st, Kirk Herbstreit made a comment along the lines of, "Now we see that the Big-10 can run with the SEC." Um, no Kirk. We see that Florida has been overrated all year, and falling to the team that got beat by a 1-AA team is technically only half a loss. Like last year, Ohio State opened with some big plays, but when they had to actually play some football and not rely on the other team to screw up, we see the true nature of the Ohio State Buckeyes - useless nuts.

I really can't wait until I run into another Ohio State fan that insists on saying THE Ohio State University. My reply - THE Ohio State University that can't when championships or beat an SEC team. That should keep them quiet for a while.

The BCS Gives Us A Good Game

If I bet against whatever team Mark May and Lou Holtz predict to win, I wouldn't have to be at work at 6 in the morning ever again. This dynamic duo made arguments for why Oklahoma should be in the championship over LSU, and picked Hawaii to beat Georgia. Good call, guys. I won't even get started on Kirk and Lee. To be fair, Chris Fowler and Desmond Howard do a pretty good job and don't completely infuriate me.

Anyway, the VT-KU match up last night was a decent game. Both teams had good offense and, shockingly, a respectable defense. It was a pleasant surprise to watch a good BCS game - I guess this was the exception that proves the rule.

So if we're going to be stuck with this bat-sh#% loonball BCS system, I propose some sort of congressional intervention to fix whatever computer program is determining which teams play for the National Championship. If the President of the United States thinks steroids in baseball is worthy of airtime during the State of the Union, and Congress spends millions of dollars on a hearing to let major league players lie under oath, then surely we can get the computer wizzes at the NSA, CIA, or wherever to make a better program.

"Well, if you're so smart, Bobby, which teams do you think should be in the Championship?" you ask. Good question. First off, the idea that if a team is undefeated, it's automatically better than every 1-loss team needs to disappear. Or at least be modified to something like - undefeated, but plays in a ridiculously easy conference. This year's example - Hawaii. While the Warriors didn't get into the top 5 with their perfect regular season record, they did manage to get a BCS at-large bid. And Georgia proceeded to demonstrate with extreme prejudice what a defense can do to Colt's passing game.

Now that we have that minor detail cleared up - Georgia should be in the National Championship. They have the most balanced offense and, being in the SEC, a very strong defense. More often than not, the BCS seems to get 'wow-ed' at high-scoring offenses and forget about the fact that the same team has absolutely no defense (read Brian Brohm and Louisville). One can make an argument for LSU taking Georgia's place, but many of their victories this year were won due to shear luck and not necessarily superior performance. In the final moments of the Auburn-LSU game, Les Miles, in his infinite wisdom, decided to go for the touchdown over a gimme field goal, which would have given LSU the W just as effectively. Matt Flynn scrambled and came about 6" from an incomplete pass. Les perpetuated the myth that he's an aggressive but intelligent coach, and LSU all but waltzed into the National Championship game.

As for the other team that should be in the Championship - take your pick: OSU, WVU, USC, maybe even Kansas after last night's performance. Teams that should definitely not be considered: Oklahoma and Virginia Tech. Any of the approved teams have a decent offense, but they all play weak schedules.

So there you have it. I'm still going to pull for LSU because I'm an SEC kind of guy, and I can't stand Ohio State. Not because of Jim Tressel or any particular player, but the insipid players and fans that insist on saying, "THE Ohio State University." What is that? Is there more than one Ohio State University? COME ON!!

Have a good weekend.

Oklahoma Is Blackmailing The BCS Committee

The absolute joke that is the BCS continues. West Virginia absolutely dominated Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl. And I know what most of you are going to say - Oklahoma was the Big 12 champion, so why shouldn't they be in a BCS game?

Well, since the 2005 Orange Bowl, Oklahoma has lost both of its BCS games. In 2005, USC beat OU to win the National Championship. In addition, OU shouldn't have even been in the game. This was the year that Auburn went undefeated and was denied the opportunity to play for the National Championship. Reason - according to the brainiacs at ESPN, Auburn's schedule was not tough enough. Like any other big program, Auburn had padded it's scheduled with some gimme games. Oklahoma's schedule that year included powerhouses like Bowling Green, Houston, Kansas State, Kansas (before they were decent), and Baylor. I could continue on this schedule difficulty thing for a while, but I think you get the idea.

At the 2007 Fiesta Bowl, Oklahoma fell to WAC Champion Boise State. Sure, Boise State pulled just about every trick play in the book, but if you're one of the top teams in the nation in one of the top conferences, your defense should be able to ferret out those gimmick plays. Of course, that's assuming you play defense - once again, I could go off on another tangent about how the PAC-10, Big-12, Big-10, Big East simply don't play defense. But I'll stick to the original point - OU did not play like a major conference champion should.

And that brings us to this year's contest. Despite my previous comment, WVU did manage to show up with some defense, and this seemed to shock Oklahoma (not too different from Hawaii's problem with Georgia). Oklahoma couldn't handle Pat White's spread offense, and they were once again embarrassed on the national stage.

So how does Oklahoma keep on getting into the BCS when it's painfully obvious that they cannot perform at the national level and /or do not live up to the hype that ESPN commentators bestow upon them? Simple - Bob Stoops has some sort of dirt on the powers that be at the BCS. It's the only logical explanation. Every year, before the bowl selection show, he calls each one of them up and reminds them why they're going to put OU in a bowl they don't deserve.

Onto the 2008 National Championship - I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Ohio State will repeat last year's performance and extend their BCS bowl record against SEC teams to 0-9. Like Oklahoma, they spent the 2007 season playing teams that provided little or no competition, and, as such, padded their stats and record. Reality is going to hurt.

As D&F has maintained throughout the bowl season, the BCS is broken and has completely failed to find the best 2 teams in the nation. But I've rambled long enough for now. Perhaps tomorrow I will discuss who really were the best two teams in the nation this past football season, and no, Auburn is not going to be one of them.

The Sheraton Hawaii Bowl Game

In a couple weeks people from all over the United States and the world will sit in front of their televisions (hopefully HDTV's) and partake in the watching of the NCAA bowl games.

I decided to take a look at the schedule and pick a bowl game that really is quite useless. A game that really serves no purpose but to give the student athletes a free vacation and some SWAG (stuff we all get). Today's distinction goes to the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl. The kids from Boise State (ranked 24th preseaon) and Eastern Carolina will be living it up in Honolulu.

The slobernocker (Jim Ross anyone??) will kick off at 8pm EST December 23 on ESPN. If half the seats at Aloha Stadium (50,000 seat capacity) are filled I will be impressed. For the most part the Conference USA, Pac-10 and WAC rotate filling the spots.

The most interesting part of the crappy bowl games are how much each team gets in payouts. Last year Hawaii and Arizona State put a cool $398,000 in their pocket...I would assume this year will be close to that number. And if you are wondering who the co-MVP was last year...it was Daddo's (aka Lance, B1, Jimmy) favorite quarterback Colt Brennan. For you degenerate gamblers out there...Boise State is an 11 point favorite.

So sit back and watch in dazzling HD as the college football bowl season begins. Here is to hoping that the BCS is destroyed and Auburn prevails.

BCS = Communism

So I'm watching the Rutgers - Louisville game on ESPN, and I can't help but to think back to the beginning of the college football season. The powers that be in the college football world (read: severely biased press) had made insightful predictions and rankings like: Louisville - 10; Rutgers - 16. Both of these teams promptly went onto self-destruct and now have records of 5-6 and 7-4 respectively. To be fair, Auburn was ranked 16, but then proceeded to fall to an unranked Mississippi State and South Florida. We are, however, the only ranked 4 loss team.

Anyway, it dawned on me: The BCS exists to reward otherwise unworthy teams of national prestige. Teams that play in conferences with no championship game (Big 10, Pac 10, WAC, Big East) are giving a free pass to the national stage while other real conferences (SEC, Big 12, etc.) have an actual competition to determine who the best team is. There's a word for a system that rewards people regardless of their accomplishments - Communism.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to say that one conference is superior to another (SEC kicks everyone else's a--); simply that competition in some conferences is tougher compared to others. Only if there were some system that would pit teams from different conferences against each other. And maybe this "system" would be somewhat separated from the bias of reporters and coaches that rely upon ESPN's College GameDay Final for their opinions.

The lesser NCAA football divisions have successfully conducted a playoff system for several years. How hard would it be to incorporate their model into Division I's bowl system? I'm pretty sure one can devise a system that allows all the sponsors the attention they paid for while giving the country a clear (or at least less cloudy) college football champion. And don't go to the argument students will be away from class too long - do Division II and III students learn better or get less of education? If they can handle a playoff system, surely D-I schools (who happen to have more tutors for the athletes) can.

In conclusion, write your congressman (or woman). Publish blogs that only 10 people will read. Send menacing e-mails to people you think are involved with the BCS. Boycott something. Let's get a playoff system in place, so I don't have to wrap my brain around why Ohio State, after losing to an unranked Illinois team, is going to end up in a premiere bowl game.

WAKE UP, AMERICA!

BCS and Stuff (Guest Blogger Bobby2)

Good article about the absolute stupidity that is the BCS; starts off with the riddle - How can number 1 Missouri be the underdog in the Big 12 Championship? Hang on - I just got done studying for this type of LSAT question. If Missouri is number 1, but got beat by the Big 12 South representative to the Championship (Oklahoma) - then shouldn't Oklahoma be number 1. Hang on, Oklahoma, got beat by 2 unranked teams (Texas Tech and Colorado). Ok, scratch that one. We'll go to the perennial favorite OSU. Nope - they got beat by an unranked Illinois team. Damn it. And so on... I would continue this little game until I could logically get Auburn into the National Championship, but even I can't say that with a straight face this year. Speaking of which, we have one more game with the Cox-man. One more. I have no idea what Tubberville has recruited beyond Cody Burns, but I pray he's given up on the whole "middle-aged 'student' who suffered through some debilitating nerve disorder* so he has the will and spirit to fight and therefore deserves to start every game his senior year" angle. I would much rather keep it simple - a quarterback that can scramble and throw, or how about a quarterback that can throw and at least make good decisions (like throw the ball away when X number of defenders are bearing down on me). Or even a quarterback that doesn't audible every single time the defensive package doesn't resemble one of the four options on Techmo bowl.

I digress. I must now continue my experiments to render the vocal chords of Harry**

On a lighter note - I just got a new stuffed bear. I am going to name it Mohammad.***

That is all.

Footnotes
* - Oh, and no offense to those who have the debilitating nerve disorder. I'm sure it sucks - but I maintain that overcoming that particular hardship is not a get out jail free card when it comes to bad decisions. Sorry Brandon...
** - Full Name: Harry The Most Retarded and Dumbest Cat on the Planet. If it were up to me, Harry and her incessant meowing would be up there with waterboarding and flushing the Koran down the toilet.
*** - Read the news.