Team Moses!!

A “researcher” at Hebrew University has published a study that claims Moses was high on drugs when he was given the Ten Commandments by God. I am having trouble figuring out why this is news and why Benny Shannon (the researcher) would even waste time “studying” this. If anyone has seen “History of the World Part II” then you know that Moses was in fact sober and was given 15 Commandments but dropped 5 of them. If Benny Shannon had done any research at all, he could have saved us all the trouble of making fun of him.

The real motivation behind this thesis is to make Benny feel better about his own drug use. According to the article:

He mentioned his own experience when he used ayahuasca, a powerful psychotropic plant, during a religious ceremony in Brazil's Amazon forest in 1991. "I experienced visions that had spiritual-religious connotations," Shanon said.

So he figures that if he can bring big Moses down a notch or two, then he will be living large. However he is just a hater all around. His conclusion is based on strong evidence like this:

“As far Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either, or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effect of narcotics."

I had always been under the impression that academic papers and “studies” actually had to have documentable evidence not just hearsay and personal experience with drugs. I wonder if the footnotes site the Amazonian (is that a word?) religious experience in reference to Moses’ visions (hopefully in correct MLA format). Good try Benny…I for one am on Team Moses.

Lindsey Lohan: Feel Sorry for Hollywood Stars

So the big news yesterday - Lindsey Lohan posed nude for New York magazine. You would think that Castro stepping down as Cuba's President would be more important, but I'm pretty sure the story and pictures of Lohan garnered more web hits.

For those of you who didn't read the story or look at the pictures (I did, but for journalistic purposes....), Lindsey re-created Marilyn Monroe's last photo shoot with the same photographer. How lucky is that dude? He's 79-years old. I'm surprised this little photo shoot didn't result in a Blue-like collapse (Old School KY wrestling scene). And how creepy would it be to naked in a room with a very old guy with a camera? I think I need a new career.

Anyway, along with the nudie pictures, there's an essay in which we get an insight into the black hole that is Lohan's head. Apparently, Lindsey is "very interested" in Monroe. She goes onto to say that Marilyn's death to drug overdose and the more recent OD of Heath Ledger are "prime examples of what this [movie] industry can do to someone."

First off - I'm not making fun of Heath Ledger or Marilyn Monroe, or anyone who dies from an OD for that matter. What I am taking aim at is Lohan's idiot idea that somehow it is the movie industry that is doing this to people. No one forced Lohan, Marilyn Monroe, or Heath Ledger to go to Hollywood, and no one made them take an un-godly amount of prescription drugs. They did it to themselves.

But Lohan would have us think that her recent DUI and coke troubles are the result of the industry, not her complete lack of self-control. I'm sure it's someone else's fault she forgot to wear underwear a couple years ago as well.

Sorry to sound so harsh about this, but listening to Hollywood stars complain about being famous or the things that go along with being famous is one of my (many) pet peeves. They get paid a ridiculous amount of money to play make-believe, and then get all upset when everything doesn't go exactly how they want it to. Oh well.

Lindsey does say in the article that she is definitely not going to make the same mistakes that Marilyn Monroe and Heath Ledger did. She's going to be very responsible with her prescription drug abuses.* Good job, Lindsey - way to learn from other people's mistakes.

* Ok, I made up the part about her being responsible with her prescription drug abuses. For the record - Lindsey Lohan never said that she would be responsible when it came to abusing prescription drugs.