Two Chinese women have sued CNN for $1.3 billion because Jack Cafferty said that the Chinese government was a "bunch of goons and thugs." The plaintiffs had their feelings hurt (along with every other Chinese person), and they say CNN did it on purpose. Those bastards. Interestingly enough, $1.3 billion is about enough money to give each Chinese person $1. It doesn't sound like much, but if they shop at Wal-Mart, they can get 4 Ramen noodle packages for that $1. JACKPOT!Never mind the whole oppressive, Communist government thing; or the Tienanmen Square thing; or the Tibet thing; or partial-birth abortions if it's a girl thing; or the lead paint on toys thing; or the poison pet food thing. Or how about the fact that here in America, everyone has the right to say whatever the freak they want to. Nope, the Chinese government is a stand-up organization, so these two women are completely justified in this lawsuit.
Which Amendment says that I have a right not to have my feelings hurt? There isn't one? Well, certainly there must be a federal law then. Oh, there isn't one of those either? Weird. Then what the hell is going on here?
If this thing doesn't get thrown out, and CNN somehow gives these women money, then I got a whole list of people that I'm suing for hurting my feelings. Hang on - I completely forgot that I am a white, middle class male. I don't get to sue anyone for anything...ever.